When you go back......

there are cures for cancer honey. Not for him. For you. And fortunately, yours can be cured, but you're going to have to make the effort when you're ready, to really do it and be done with it. It's up to you. HUGS

How do you know he's treating her well? If he is, it won't last long. She'll be as miserable as you are now. the difference being you're OUT and she's NOT. Poor thang. His disorder can't be fixed. He'll do to her, just what he did to you. Did you live with him or??? I'm sorry, I'm not as familiar with your story as I'd like to think I am LOL. Anyway.....give yourself some time. Once you get the disorder, you'll understand that he can't and won't be any different with anyone else. It always plays out the same way, victim after victim. HUGS

EXCELLENT point you made! Even when we think we can outsmart them, they can ALWAYS find a weaker spot within us. As Sandra Brown says, they are sicker than we are smart. I love that quote. It is so true. I think the sickest part of how they can easily find our weak spots, vulnerabilities, etc, is because they feel NOTHING. It's nothing to them to exploit what we express or show as strengths or vulnerabilities. that's the sick part, which outwits our smarts if we let it. I'm really glad you're sounding like you have good resolve to stay away. AWESOME!

You raise some VERY valid points too! I appreciate it very much! When I started school, psychology was my major of choice. This was many years ago, as I was going part time and raising my children. I had a few experiences with hospice and LOVED it so much, I changed my major to Nursing. Then I got sick with a couple of chronic illnesses that took awhile to diagnose and become balanced within my body so I could function again, but the doctor told me Nursing was out of the question because of the physical exertion and stress of it that would aggravate the illnesses he diagnosed me with, but I loved the medical field and wanted to stay in it, so I decided on a degree in Healthcare Administration, particularly coding. But after ex and I split, and throughout the healing process, reading so many stories, studying psychology, and with my own experiences, I have a passion for it now. I don't see it as wanting to fix him or understand him or to wreak havoc in another woman's life, but to genuinely help. The classes I'm taking now are both psychology. Reading about it is fascinating to me. People are so complex. There is always something to research or investigate, even though it can be so frustrating! And it IS frustrating to see women return to the abuser. but that happens more often than not. But if ONE or like the many on this board, make it...it's soooooo worth it. I look at it this way, I can't change the disordered. They are what they are, but his victims are salvageable. If even ONE goes onto a better life, and makes it, it's worth it. Those that don't, it's disappointing and painful to see, but it's apart of the deal. Tres, my youngest son is showing pathological traits. I've done everything I can to get this kid help. the frustration I've had in that therapists just don't get it, the schools don't get it, is amazing. The lack of education and support, even for parents of potentially pathological children is NOT there! My son has skipped the last two days of school and the teacher called me. He's in an alternative school that speciaizes in helping kids that have extreme behavior problems. She told me that there is always one kid every year, that cannot be, and she wondered who it would be this year. It's MY kid. The flip side of that is that she GETS pathology and described all of his behaviors to a T as well as the traits she is seeing. It was a RELIEF. We discussed how crazy it is that there isn't help out there for kids who are showing pathology. My son is SCARY and she fears for her safety and that of the other kids in the class, as we fear him at home. Because she gets it, we have come up with a plan to deal with it. I wont say here what it is, but it's a last resort. I am fully aware of the pathology in my family background. There isn't hard scientific fact yet that pathology is genetic, but they're getting there. People will simply not address what they FEAR. It's better to blow off pathology than to make anyone aware of it and help partners, children and family cope with people like this. So if I can help to make a difference in educating others about it, or helping others to understand it, than the work it takes to get there is worth it. I find it enormously healing for me in many ways. But I would not be a human being if I didn't feel sad for those who don't make it or who have to go back and be hurt more. That is frustrating, but it's reality. I know, been there done that too. I view my ex as a stepping stone to my personal growth in this area. I love it. I learn something new all the time. Tres, abnormal exists because it just does. I think the study of it, by others will open more doors in the future and create awareness for all of us. I don't need to figure out abnormal. But I want to help those who have been victimized by abnormal if I can. educate those who don't know. As with anything, there are pros and cons. Watching someone go back or struggle with wanting too, is part of the cons, I think.. tres, if you don't have a passion for it anymore and are tired of it, finding something else that you are passionate about is okay too. Maybe it's too early to decide whether or not you wish to stay until you heal a little bit more? I don't know, but I think going through this experience helps define it a little better the further out you get from the relationshit.