When will I finally start to NOT CARE???

i-m-p-o-s-s-i-b-l-e! It's impossible sometimes to "not care"... that's why it's so hard to get to a place where you don't care... (ie: if something really bad happenes to them you care... etc etc etc blah blah blah). It isn't a matter of getting to a place where you don't care about them... but gets to the place of caring MORE for YOURSELF ;) ~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~ ~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them, --she said, (taken from my final remarks in a Sync Weekly Magazine article about my art and mySelf

when he wrote to me a couple of days ago (after telling him what I was going through): Dont be like that, sad broken, you are a great lovely woman that I barely got to know. Dont be a victim. You are strong. Send face. That was the end. It changed everything. I had to swallow it, but maybe its true the statement, your worst enemy might be your best friend on a higher level. I realized, its true, I have victim menality, even before I met him, I had it all my life (childhood abuse survivor). And though it was unbelievable cold what he wrote there, he is right. I gave him all my power, he decided if I was in a good mood or broken - not more - and surely I wont him send him a pic ever again. I am not a victim any more. I dont have any dreams or hopes any more about him. There is no cognitive dissonance any more. I am just done. It took me one and half year, but now just 2 days to really be done. It is very very different with everyone. You have to find that place within you again, that you that you want to be - and then be it - live it - and dont look back ever again. Then you have reached the acceptance stage and life will slowely start to move on again.

to actually not care, it took a while. I've been more or less a year largely NC, and I'm finally to the point where I don't wonder what he's doing. Or if I do, I don't feel compelled to actually find out. It got much easier after all the legal stuff as settled, as then I could truly get him out of my head. Harder for you, having to work with him I'm afraid. But sounds like you're doing really well, keep it up!

It takes a while for the heart to catch up with the head. You just don't hate him enough lol. When it hits you how badly you were abused and degraded by him, that longing you are fighting will be gone. It helps to focus on the "bad", here.

I can only speak for myself but I was 7 weeks NC yesterday. He has contacted me quite a few times, but only because he is charged with assaulting me and I have to testify against him in court in 3 weeks. I have reported every form of contact from him to the police and they arrested him for breaching his bail conditions so I think I may have heard the last from him thank goodness. If I hadnt discovered who he really was I may have reponded :( That said I have stopped caring about HIM and started focusing on ME at last, this may only be temporary from what people on here say but I'm clinging on to this for as long as I can. I'm sorry you can't go completely NC, it seems to make things a lot harder when you still have to see them. I was checking on him and the OW, they both live so close and I have to drive passed their houses on a daily basis. I've stopped that now too and make a long detour, it may waste my petrol but I have to admit to feeling better since. Good luck and well done you for doing 3 weeks :)