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When they finally stop hoovering, how do you feel?

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#1 Nov 25 - 4PM
narcissizednomore
narcissizednomore's picture

When they finally stop hoovering, how do you feel?

It's been 2 and a half years since I went NC. The P/N has pretended he is friends with my husband all this time but for the last 6 months has made no attempt to contact my husband. My hubby occasionally drops in for a quick visit to the P/N's place but I've gently convinced him that the P/N is not someone I want him to associate with as he is an abuser without going into the details of what he did to me. No sense ruining my marriage over this.

So here we are. The fact the P/N has stopped contact makes me wonder and although I'm extremely happy he is no longer in our world, I see this as new behaviour from him and wonder if he is finally getting it and realizes he is toxic to us. Or is he copying me and giving us the silent treatment in retaliation?

I can't help but think he will he reach out to my husband the next time he 'needs' something?

I hate not knowing if he is done with us. Some on this board say they always come back. This worries me. If they truly think there is nothing wrong with them, and everything they do is fine, wouldn't he be continuing to call my husband?

Admittedly, I did (secretly) remove him from hubby's f.b. friend's list and think he may have seen this as a huge message from me. I just didn't want him creeping on my world. This is when he stopped contacting hubby so I don't think this is a coincidence.

So tell me, does the silence from them, concern anyone else or should I just enjoy the peace and not worry about what his next move will be?

Nov 25 - 6PM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

I personally think the only

I personally think the only time they go silent, is either a) because they're doing it to punish their victim or b) like what you're talking about here, and to me, that's a sign they have found new supply. In other words. THEY ALWAYS NEED SOME TYPE OF SUPPLY. ALWAYS. So, either they're seeking new supply, or hoovering old supply. Really...THAT is their world. Period. They don't just live life. They're always seeking supply...ACTIVELY. So, when my ex went silent on me, he had a gf. That blew up, so he started hoovering me again. STILL IS. LOL I didn't like the silence at first, as I was still vulnerable, hurting, and not healed. Now, I prefer it. The fact that he's emailing me, is way weird. It's like...dude, we broke up. Go refer to the memo, if you need to. I find the whole thing annoying. I wouldn't worry about his next move. Go live your life. That's true healing, and true progress. Trust me, he's still twisting in the wind looking for supply...and will never change. Sadly.
Nov 26 - 1AM (Reply to #4)
Sea
Sea's picture

So far the narc only hoover

So far the narc only hoover to slap me by proxy. I am phobia of his contact. As to why the silence, agree they have other NS and also to put u in the naughty corner to punish you. No hoovering has a very good message, it means they dont want anything from you. If they hoover that means they want to steal or rob something from us it can be our dignity, body or money.
Nov 25 - 9PM (Reply to #3)
Winter
Winter's picture

Me too Deidre

Now, I honestly prefer not to be hoovered. It is like an emotional reminder, a trigger. It never made me second guess my NC, but still... unpleasant. Yes, annoying. Maybe because I am waaaay past the stage "win/lost", "validation". I just want my peace and freedom. And those hoover attempts just bother.
Nov 25 - 8PM (Reply to #2)
narcissizednomore
narcissizednomore's picture

You're right Deidre

I need to quit worrying about his next move and live my life! Might be a whole lot easier if I didn't live in a small town though or could move away from here. Thanks for your wise words.

narcissizednomore