when lies are found out

There are different types of intelligence in all of us. What you ask is an intellectual intelligence question. Your emotional intelligence is another thing entirely. your mind and your heart think and feel differently. A soft spot in your heart for an abuser isn't good for you. It means your heart and mind are at war with one another and the closer you get to your ex the higher the possibility you will contact him or in the Law of Attraction run into him if you move to the city where he lives. Ask Barbara or Lisa about heart intelligence or try to find a book on it. I think if you know more about what is going on inside of you it can help you stay away from him and more harm. It is like an addiction-the heart wants what the heart wants but abuse and the stress it causes is not good for your heart physically. Stay away maybe something really good is about to happen where you are!

He's an a-hole narc, they don't think about if they may be hurting anyone...the only thing they may think about is covering their tracks, some not even that. Most won't ever even admit they have any issues at all. They live in a fantasy world, getting caught just gives them a chance to abuse you further by blaming, raging, completely denying. Anything to show he was not at fault. Move back to NYC if you wish, it's a big place, hopefully chances of running into him are slim. If you do see him, act as though he's invisible. Sorry you're having to deal with the pain of all this. It takes time and work, but it does get better.

Some people need to believe so badly they are in willful denial. Sometimes the N/P has smeared you so badly that anything coming from you is seen as a lie. When I finally decided to go to the police about Psycho-Boy's threats, his hooker habit, his defrauding his job and doing things that put his wife & kids at extreme risk - I thought for a few days about contacting her. Finally I did. By then, law enforcement in 3 different counties had FORENSICALLY VERIFIED PROOF of what I was asserting about him. My other friend (whom I found out he was trying to talk into an affair too) sent the police and the FBI a homemade porn video he made, my attorney, my exNH's attorney (exNH was threatening me about my emotional involvement with Psycho-Boy) and a forensic investigator had everything. Hours of verified, undoctored chats, emails, videos he'd sent. So I made up 3 packages and sent them to his wife along with an apology and my address and phone as well as the address and phone of some of the other women - who'd all ASKED me to send them to her so she could verify what was going on. I never heard from her. Granted that's her husband and she doesn't know me from Adam. But when someone sends you stuff that could affect your family's safety - and even includes legal verification as well as phone numbers to law enforcement that will back you up.... well, that's just crazy on her part IMHO. It's been 5 1/2 years now and she HELPS him smear and harass me. Over a year ago I finally took out a cease & desist order on him & her and their 'helpers.' She got a detective friend of hers to call & hassle me for over a month; until I found out they'd given him SELECTIVE information (and left out key things). Psycho-Boy's focused all his hate on me, probably because I figured him out and went to the police first after he threatened me & my children. He's accused me of doing things that I'd have to be able to fly and bi-locate to do. He posts crap about me on the web, as does the wife (I think). So despite all this hard, verifiable evidence - she simply chose to believe him. This is willful denial. as Kathy Krajco said: it DOES take two to Tango. The believer of the lie is partly to blame, because he or she is being irrational to believe a known pathological liar on a matter in which he has powerful motive to lie. No victim there. Just a liar and a glutton for being lied to. Here's more from the late Ms. Krajco that's worth a read: http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2007/02/betrayal-of-bystanders_21.html http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2007/08/power-of-suggestion-on-bystanders.html http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2007/04/ugly-bystander.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

Hi CourneyJ.....I'm "neveragain"! I'm so sorry you've had to deal with him. You've been taken for a "ride" so to speak. He's always had another "agenda" and it's not a good one. He's not a good person, not a good man. You deserve so much better! You've got a history with him that's going to only serve his interests, not yours. Your memories of the good times is going to do a mind-eff on you. You have to (and I hope you've written some of them down, girl!) remember how he hurt you. He de-valued you and he discarded you. Oh, come on! FOUR DAYS after you broke up he's with someone else? That's actually only a time line you KNOW about....the one you can PROVE. There's probably a LOT more stuff you DON'T know about. Or maybe you do but you dismissed it because it's just not "possible"!? You're going to spend a lot of time asking yourself questions like, "How could he have done that?" and "How could ANYONE be so mean?" and "How could he have treated me like that when I loved him so much?" Please realize that people like him can delude themselves and YOU and others into believing almost anything. They don't have a heart where their heart should be and they don't own a soul. They're emotionally and morally bankrupt. You can move and live wherever you want to...NYC or anywhere else! Just be strong and know that the truth is the truth....it's the TRUTH. But also know that Narcisssists are incapable of owning, knowing or believing the truth. They can't handle the TRUTH! (Sorry, just had to write that! :) Hugs to you and I hope you feel somewhat validated and comforted knowing that none of this is your fault. The only thing that would be your fault from here on out is feeding that Narcissistic Man any supply from you whatsoever. Be kind to yourself and practice living a gentle life. neveragain.