WHAT A NIGHTMARE!!

Hello everyone,
I am new here- and tonight I closed the chapter on the nightmare of my life. For 7 years(he likes to say 8, to sound good...aha) I endured the N nightmare of hell.
I dumped my N today, at the therapist office. It was our only visit, and low and behold he blackmailed me to go there, and said I WAS THE ABUSER!, well..of course I was ..to him. I sat there horrified, as the therapist was tricked by his charms. She said , I was being TOO harsh by calling him a N, and I was "reading too much into it". The roach (this is what i call him now) , he was a stealth N, not overt at all. More like covert, the most deadly type. NO ONE believes me, except my poor daughter who saw him, rage, and hurt me all the time. That was his mask he had for me. Now , this is a long long story as you can imagine, but I am sitting here, feeling isolated, alone, scared, sad, betrayed, angry..so many feelings. How do you mourn something that didnt exist??

I am trying to get through, one day at a time and feel like I will be judged harshly in survivor therapy, as this woman judged me today. Although, maybe the mistake was that that was HIS therapist and maybe she had a bias (which is so unprofessional). She was laughing with him, and winking at him in approval as he spoke his lies.
It was mortifying, and now I feel sick inside. He walked away, like he didnt have a care in the world, as I cried myself all the way home. Sometimes, I laughed too, cuz maybe I feel deranged now. That lady therapist even tried to convince me to stay with him , and "support him"...UGGG!HHHHH!!
I came here for support, this forum is all I have. I am so happy to be here, and be a survivor. And so happy you are here too, anyone have any advice, how to get through this better. I feel like a hallow shell, and so afraid now. I havent slept in 5 days, I am shaking all day and want to throw up. I have been replaying 7 years in my head all night..is this normal?

Peace and blessings all you survivors!!