What makes me the most mad?

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#1 Jul 2 - 12PM

rainbow1

What makes me the most mad?

Is all of these contradictions! If he were always a jerk I could deal with that. But I hate how his actions never match his words and how he can contradict himself in the same sentence! THIS IS WHAT CRAZY MAKING IS ALL ABOUT! This is the only thing that keeps me hanging on, the only thing that makes me mad, then sad, then mad again! Within the last week and a half he has contradicted himself about EVERYTHING! One day he will say he doesnt want to see me, then he will ask me to come over every day. He says he doesnt care if we talk or not then finds an excuse to talk to me. He says he doesnt care whether we are finds or not but I cut him out of my life then I cant talk to his family. Asks me to come do "naughty" things with him day after day then says its not going to happen. Tells me he doesnt want to see me then finds a reason I would need to see him. Says he doesnt care what I am doing then asks "who I am f*cking now a days" then pretends like he doesnt care what the answer is. And this is all within the last week and a half! This is the only part that I can not get over! He acts like he has some sort of interest and then takes it away. It is a game of keep away with him all the time!

#2 Jul 2 - 1PM

herlatestvictim

This is simply what they do!

The back and forth, the push and pull... power and control! They call all the shots. They can make you smile or cry. It gives them a high to have all the power. It's abuse, pure and simple. Someone who loves you wouldn't constantly hurt you. They do it because they can.

#3 Jul 2 - 12PM

better off

The lady that runs the

The lady that runs the Getting Past Your Past website will sometimes say: Does it hurt when you do that? Then don't do that. ;) The only way to "get over it" is to stop letting it happen. As in don't talk to him. As in NO CONTACT.

#4 Jul 2 - 12PM

NinjaGirl

But the thing is

He IS always a jerk. He's just very good at manipulating you. Hell, I could go tell someone I hate that they are the most amazing thing I've ever seen. It doesn't make it true. Humans are capable of lying. Narcissists are capable of lying and manipulating in a way that cannot be equaled. I don't know why you haven't kicked him to the curb. I don't think the "highs" are worth it. I don't even think they're real. He's using you as a yo-yo. Sometimes he pulls you up, sometimes he lets you drop. You don't need that kind of drama in your life, do you? He's a jerk. That's my analysis and I'm generally pretty spot-on when it comes to people. I even knew, deep down, that my ex was a loser. In my case I guess I got lucky in that he dumped me and wouldn't come back and finally said the magic words to break the spell. I think you're going to have to break your own spell, darling.

#5 Jul 2 - 12PM (Reply to #2)

rainbow1

Ninjagirl

Im working on kicking him to the curb. The last thing that I said to him was to f*ck off and then I stopped talking to him yesterday. Im trying really hard to stay strong. Mine also dumped me. Why do you think that yours wont come back? Also what broke your spell?

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#6 Jul 2 - 12PM (Reply to #3)

NinjaGirl

His last words to me were...

"I'm not certain I have the same feelings for you anymore. I know I miss having a girlfriend, but I'm not certain you're the one I want." It was the "I know I miss having a girlfriend, but" that made my pride, which I swear is a sentient entity unto itself, wake up and go, "Oh HELL NO. He just wants a GIRLFRIEND, but not YOU? Hey yo narc...F OFF!" My pride dragged me up from the sludge (I swear this is the best way I can explain this) and confusion and murkiness and screamed at me, "You are not just some warm body, just some person to stroke his ego and for him to use to prove to his friends that he's not gay! You are a strong, intelligent, powerful creature, and if he's too stupid to want YOU, then we are DONE with him." I swear, something in me snapped. It was crazy. It was the summer solstice, and that night lightning and thunder were going crazy around my house. I wished him pain and loneliness. And then I took those back and wished him introspection and deep emotion, and wished myself healing and wholeness and the strength to become the person I know I can become. "I know I miss having a girlfriend, but.." Yeah, go F yourself, ex-N. You go ahead and get that girlfriend, you trans-gender-wanna-be-in-the-closet-about-it, narcissistic, abusive little momma's boy! Go get yourself some docile chick who doesn't mind that you're a freaking dud with no life who talks endlessly about yourself. I hope she doesn't mind the lack of sex! So yeah, as you can see, my power and rage and pride kinda took hold of me and won't let go. Well, the anger comes and goes, but the pride and power are pretty much here to stay. I AM NOT A PLACEHOLDER. Edited to add: I guess I should mention my background. My father was abusive to me as a very small child, and my mom left him when I was two, and I didn't see him growing up (my choice). She lost her job, and had to raise me as a single, financially-struggling mom. She gave up everything to make sure my childhood was happy and that I got a good education. She is the strongest freaking person I've ever met (physically, even - she used to be a world-class powerlifter), and she doesn't take shit from anyone. She raised me to be strong, and confident, and to not take crap. She never understood why I didn't kick my narc to the curb a long time ago, like right after she met him. When it comes to getting over them, I think it comes down more to how we feel about ourselves than how we feel about them. I thought I loved him more than anything. It took him saying those words to make me realize that I love myself more than anything, and I will NEVER. SETTLE. AGAIN. Not to mention the fact that after all my mom gave up to raise me to be a good, strong, healthy person, I would throw it all away on him? No. I love my mom far too much to be anything less than the person I can be. That and my happiness are all she ever wanted for me.

#7 Jul 2 - 4PM (Reply to #30)

helldweller

ninjagirl

"I am not a placeholder." Amen to that! That was what my narcf*ck did to me, too: I was his dream come true, the best thing that ever happened, until he got his little four year old foster child to stroke his ego (hopefullly that's all) 24/7. Then it was, "Well, um, hmmm, I'm not sure anymore about us . . . . The kicker: his waffling about being "able to commit" to me, a woman with two children who loved and adored him for three years, who he first wanted to marry. However, bring on the four year old stranger with two days notice, son of a smack whore, with all of the drama, counseling, meetings, court dates, behavioral problems, etc etc etc: He was ready with bells on to commit to all of that, no problem, because he knew the poor little thing would kiss his ass with no questions asked and be oblivious to his lying and cheating for years. Totallly worth it. Asshole. I wouldn't be surprised if he came knocking at my door in ten years when the little boy has grown up enough to hate him and he, at 62 years old, needs some new supply from a reliable source.

#8 Jul 2 - 3PM (Reply to #27)

Steph

My lightbulb moment was when

My lightbulb moment was when he broke up with me....and I agreed it was a good idea.....he couldn't handle that. He proceeded to call several times after and said "It's sounds like you pretty much broke up with me too then?". So...it was ok for him to end things, but I wasn't supposed to agree. I was supposed to feel hurt and rejected and left pining over him. He wasn't relieved to know I thought ending things were in both of our best interest. He was upset by this. He wanted to leave me behind as a hurt woman. And as soon as I started weakening and acting hurt again, his tone shifted. It was like he felt better instantly. Knowing that didn't heal me at that moment, but it sure as hell gave me the strength to stay No Contact.

#9 Jul 2 - 4PM (Reply to #28)

rainbow1

staying strong78

I realized as I looked back that both times he dumped me, I was trying to leave him. The first time I packed up all of my stuff when he wasnt home and the second time I told him that it wasnt working. Somehow he turned it around to where I was begging him not to walk out the door. He just wanted me to be hurt as well and wanted to be the one to abandon me. Yesterday he said something that I think is going to make me go no contact as well. I think that I got my lightbulb moment yesterday. I told him that I was thankful to him for leaving me and that I am getting better and back to myself and I wished him the best in life. He just said "when are you going to stop telling me sh*t that I dont care about?" I told him to f*ck off and I havent talked to him since. I hope that was really the end for me!

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#10 Jul 2 - 4PM (Reply to #29)

better off

Write that down! He just

Write that down! He just said "when are you going to stop telling me sh*t that I dont care about?" Put that on a Post-It note and put it by your phone, or rubberband it around your cell phone. When you feel the urge to talk to him you NEED to read that one sentence: When are you going to stop telling me shit that I don't care about?

#11 Jul 2 - 12PM (Reply to #9)

better off

Love your post... and yeah,

Love your post... and yeah, pride is what kept me going on many a day. For one thing, I was so angry with MYSELF for losing so much of it during the relationship. I too, like most of us, am a strong woman, which is of course WHAT THEY ARE LOOKING FOR. Reading WWLP helped me so much to see that he went after me because of my strength not my weakness. Because they are friggin vampires. Anyway, once I really began to see thru the facade and see the truth... pride has kept me from going back. I hate that he fooled me for as long as he did, and that he probably thinks he fooled me a lot more that he really did, since I did NOT go back and confront him about many things I found out. I hate thinking about how I sobbed and pleaded with him, how he must have felt like a god, bringing me to that state, but f**k him. I got over it. He got to me when I was vulnerable, and I won't be sorry for being human. He still has to be him and I get to keep being me! :-)

#12 Jul 2 - 4PM (Reply to #26)

Steph

"He got to me when I was

"He got to me when I was vulnerable, and I won't be sorry for being human. He still has to be him and I get to keep being me! :-)" yet another great thought!

#13 Jul 2 - 12PM (Reply to #10)

NinjaGirl

You said it!

High five, better off!!

#14 Jul 2 - 1PM (Reply to #11)

better off

You betcha. ;) I think one

You betcha. ;) I think one reason mine never comes back is he actually does know me pretty well, and now that I am sure he knows I am on to him... he's too chickenshit to approach me again. I am forgiving to a fault, but once someone has really crossed the line with me and I know they will not change, then they had better not mess with me again. And he's a big coward. We used to have a joke that I'm only 1% bitch, but you really don't want to see that 1%. He has seen me put a few a-holes in their place before and I don't think he wants to be one of them. hee hee

#15 Jul 2 - 3PM (Reply to #25)

Steph

" I'm only 1% bitch, but you

" I'm only 1% bitch, but you really don't want to see that 1%." haha love it!

#16 Jul 2 - 1PM (Reply to #12)

NinjaGirl

Yes!!

OMG, I feel like we're twins or something. I also think mine's too scared to contact me. I think he can feel the rage and know I would tear him apart. I never once yelled at him in our relationship, or even really got mad, because I was too scared of him breaking up with me (WTF was wrong with MY head??), so he never really saw me "unleash hell", so to speak. Haha, cowardly little narcs. Mine couldn't handle a real woman. His mommy dotes on him and is all soft-spoken and doesn't even stand up to him. She does his laundry, pays all the bills, buys the groceries. God. I wish I had taken him down the first time I saw his ugly side.

#17 Jul 2 - 1PM (Reply to #24)

better off

We had met on an internet

We had met on an internet forum and there were all kinds of crazy people on there and he seemed like the normal one, which actually makes him the MOST crazy because he was so good at hiding it and pretending to be something he's not. Anyway, a group of had become friends, like we are on here, that kind of thing, although we were much more than friends. (Who knows how many other people he had something going on with?) Anyway... there were some "sides" being drawn about this one semi-political issue and a couple of different guys were just flat out internet bullies... and I held my tongue for a long time, but eventually they would push too far and Then, yeah, time to unleash hell. And then they would STFU as least as far as I was concerned. Of course looking back I can see my pattern was not to defend myself that way, but by God, you mess with one of my friends and you are gonna hear about it! I think he is a little afraid of what I would say to him, or say ABOUT him... he outright FEARS derision. ;PPPP Candyass.

#18 Jul 2 - 1PM (Reply to #13)

sweetsamm

That is so like me!! I never

That is so like me!! I never raised my voice,or really voiced my opinion about things because i was afraid he would break up with me....whatever!AND that is so not me!sammmmi

#19 Jul 2 - 1PM (Reply to #21)

better off

I know!! Doesn't that suck!

I know!! Doesn't that suck! I remember how if I said something he didn't like, and it could be something really benign and silly, he would say "maybe we aren't really suited" [for each other]. panic panic panic... instead of thinking well I can like whatever I want! Why do we have to perfectly alike?? Warning sign!!

#20 Jul 2 - 1PM (Reply to #22)

rainbow1

being perfectly alike!

OMG! Mine was like this in so many ways! He wanted me to think just like him, look just like him, eat just like him, ect. I am not joking. We had about 3 matching jackets (that he bought us) and he would want us to wear them at the same time. If we ever went out on the town my dress would have to match his tie. If we went to a party we would have to be dressed up or down the same amount. If we went out to a resturant we would eat the same thing. I think he might have been trying to do this for the whole "soul-mate" thing because I hate seafood and he said he did over and over again. By the end of the relationship he apparently loved seafood and I was just making stuff up to think that he didnt like it in the first place!

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#21 Jul 2 - 1PM (Reply to #23)

better off

Matching jackets? Okay

Matching jackets? Okay that's a dealbreaker right there. LOL Never date a guy who expects you to wear matching jackets. We can add that to the quirk list along with the chapstick.

#22 Jul 2 - 1PM (Reply to #14)

NinjaGirl

It's such a weird phenomenon

Loser men (and women) who are able to prey on strong women (and men) who wouldn't take shit from anyone else. I just find it so odd. I wonder if they appeal to some sort of nurturing instinct in us. We know that they're broken, and we want to fix it, or help them, because we think we're capable of it? I don't know.

#23 Jul 2 - 1PM (Reply to #15)

better off

Have you read Women Who Love

Have you read Women Who Love Psychopaths? by Sandra Brown? It's practically a bible around here. It explains that in great detail. You will read the whole thing with your mouth hanging open. You can even get it as a download. It discusses the traits of a psychopath, as many books do, but the bulk of it discusses OUR traits, or super traits as she calls them. That's why we all have feelings of "we must be twins" on here. :-) Narcs aren't like everyone else, but neither are we. Their bad traits mesh with our good traits in a very particular way. It also explains how you lose yourself and the amount of control they begin to exert over you with brainwashing. You really must read it.

#24 Jul 2 - 1PM (Reply to #17)

NinjaGirl

OK

Downloaded and saved to both hard drive and flash drive.

#25 Jul 2 - 3PM (Reply to #20)

Steph

this is such a good book. It

this is such a good book. It explains sooooo much about how they are able to dupe us strong, healthy, intelligent women. Glad you downloaded it!

#26 Jul 2 - 1PM (Reply to #18)

rainbow1

It really is an amazing

It really is an amazing book! I am reading it right now! Be prepared to get ANGRY!

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#27 Jul 2 - 3PM (Reply to #19)

NinjaGirl

Haha

Already there. My ex is lucky I'm not a violent person, because I could kick his ass.

#28 Jul 2 - 1PM (Reply to #16)

NinjaGirl

I keep hearing about it

And I have $20 in Amazon gift cards, so I shall download/buy it. ;) You've convinced me.

#29 Jul 2 - 12PM (Reply to #4)

sweetsamm

last words

My ex told me he was madly in love with me on a wed,then on sunday he said 'i'm not ready for this,but you should be happy i'm telling you now and not 6mos from now',wow,thanks,that makes me feel better..lol,and i haven't heard one word from him in 3weeks..he used to brag about how he could 'freeze' women out..ok,warning sign number 101,i'm so pissed i didn't pick up on the signs earlier..sammmmi

#30 Jul 2 - 12PM (Reply to #5)

NinjaGirl

Boy...

Did he do you a favor, though! At least you wouldn't have wasted another six months of your life on him. We need to invent some device that can detect, at birth, who's going to be a narcissist, and have it tattooed on their foreheads.

#31 Jul 2 - 12PM (Reply to #6)

better off

Yep! How about a big L.

Yep! How about a big L. haha Yes, sammi, be very glad he didn't wait six more months, because he was going to do it eventually, no matter what. There is only one outcome in these relationships. Freaks.

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