What if..

You have always given Christmas cards and baked cookies for ex turd and his co workers. I don't know what to do. I'm not doing anything for him, but I don't want to rub it in his face and give cards to the others who I really like.

I'm thinking of giving the group of them the cookies and not give individualized cards.?

I'm guessing others have been in this situation.
What would you do?

Susan32's picture

After I graduated, I gave thank you/Christmas notes to ALL of my former professors... except the ex-Psych prof. He got NOTHING. I felt no remorse for leaving him out. Proud of it, in fact. Give your friends the cookies&cards, and just leave him out. Besides, Ns/Ps complain about being left out... and it's his own darn fault. When you give individualized cards to everybody and leave him out, do it for the sake of NC. It's YOUR sanity that matters. He can do without his cookies and cards, because he can get those from Mommy, can't he?
Hunter's picture

Why should the others be punished... Hunter
ruby01's picture

I think I will just skip doing anything this year for this group. I think Sparrow is right. They are not clueless and they will understand. Thanks for the advice as always! Ruby
blueworld's picture

i think that you should do what you feel like you want to do im sure you read my posts. this is the part where i reevaluated my reasoning and then decided its because of who i am i dont regret who i am i am told by others that i am such a caring soft loving individual this isnt about controling and changing what you do because someone isnt worthy of it or destroyed you it isnt about him it is about you you live for you now as i live for me and i wanted to call his grandma and tell her i cherished her and thank you i wanted to do that, fuck what everyone thinks about me doing it over there to i dont care i am a loving person and no one can take THAT away from ME you do what you want , your beautiful light shows and i would love cookies too =)
Sparrow's picture

Ruby, a very nice gesture. But of course, the co-workers would not expect the cookies and would certainly understand if they didn't arrive. But, if you want to bake cookies and conitnue that tradition,than you certainly should. Just make sure what the motivation for doing so is. If the motivation is simply to make a kind gesture, than, I am all for it. If the motivation is anything otherwise, being honest with yourself about it, than I would not do it. Only you and you alone knows what the motivation is. I am sure you will make the right decision! Good luck! P.S. If you want to send me Christmas cookies, I will gladly provide you with my address as well! :) Have a happy day my friend!
uk lady's picture

I want those cookies too and I am first in the queue. Ruby, are you taking orders? Best, Dee x
Hermes's picture

Loud and clear, Used! I agree with you. You cannot employ normal rules of conduct where an N is concerned. However, you must do as you see fit. Hermes
uk lady's picture

You must do whatever you feel comfortable doing. It is not about him or his feelings now. He does not warrant your consideration. Are you a co-owner in the company alongside your ex? If not, maybe, a good compromise might be, a big batch of cookies collectively to all of them and a gift card saying that they are from you and wishing them, again collectively, that they are from you individually with your seasonal greetings. Otherwise, if you are out of his life, and his co-workers know that, then I would have no need to feel compelled to do anything. Or, if any of them are still your special friends, then visit them independently outwith the work scenario and do whatever you feel you would like to do. Do not feel obligated to do anything if it doesn't sit well with you. Just my opinion and again, you must do whatever you feel you need to do. Definitely don't feel any obligation. Dee x
ruby01's picture

They are all aware of my situation and what makes me like them even more is that they believe in me. Even when he has being mean or ignored me and I would guess even back stabbed me- They know the truth without explanation. In fact it seems like they are happy for me. They work very closely with him and they have known me for 13 years so I'm not worried that they will think I have forgotten them if I don't give them anything. I'll just tell them "Merry Christmas" individually.
uk lady's picture

It always helps to come here and gather a few opinions. It clear your mind. Good luck. Dee x
Layla's picture

Share your gifts and talents with those who will be forgotten otherwise this holiday season. Our company gets a list from a place called "Lutherbrook Children's Home" in the town we are located in. This is a place abused kids and "orphans" are placed in. It is an old organization here where I am, and is a truly worthwhile place. The list we get is a list of all the children, and what they would like for Christmas. It is truly heartbreaking and a huge reminder/wake-up call to see children asking for socks and gloves, among other things for Christmas. We all pick kids to buy for, and make sure to make it a great day for young people who have been through some real crap they didn't deserve. Perhaps you can find a similar place in your area, or any other worthwhile place in which to give of yourself so generously. love~ Layla
ruby01's picture

That's always fun. My girls and I do things like that together. That is something we look forward to every year.
Used's picture

I would give cards to the people I want to give cards to.... It is not RUBBING IT IN HIS FACE, THIS SHOULDNT BE ABOUT HIM... He is nothing to do with you and nor are his feelings... Take cookies and cards and give them out to people you want to , not people you don't want to...
ruby01's picture

That's what I want to do. You make a very good point.