What the hell is wrong with me??

So today I went running and ran past his beach tower. I know he saw me because I could see the shadow of him looking out the window. Why am I doing this? Whats wrong with me? Why is he being such a f%$#k wit? I can just picture him up there having a good laugh at me. Thinking about how desperate I am and how hooked I am. NC sucks. Im doing hopelessly bad. I thought I was doing ok but Im not. I hate what he has done to me.Im acting in ways that I never would and Im behaving like a stalker.....I have gone insane.