what-to-do's story

My Story

Hello, I'm what-to-do, where do I begin? I was going about my business working a very prestigious position on cruise ships when I first met him, a salesman in a jewelry store.
There was just something about him, he walked with such confidence was so charming. My ship would arrive every week for a few hours and we would have a very romantic date just before the ship would sail away. This went on for a few months. My contract was up and I decided to spend my vacation time in his country with him.
He wanted to have sex continuously and I developed a urinary tract infection. The first of many to come.

Within the first week and a half of that vacation he asked me to marry him. I think I had low self esteem. I never thought ...is this man right for me? isn't it wrong that I have paid for every date we ever had? I said yes.

So I quit my amazing job, moved to his country and things went well. I was happy.....but something didn't feel right. He would always come home from work so late.
Soon I was pregnant and stayed for the pregnancy but would leave for my country to give birth. Thank goodness. We continued this way with all three of our children us being apart for long stretches of time.
Things just got so progressively worse with each child. He would work come home eat and go to the bar pretty much every night. One night I waited up on the porch and as his friend dropped him off I heard him say."do you have your wedding ring" and my husband answered it's with me but not on, I'll put it on.
When I asked him about this he gas lighted me and I fell for it. He said "no baby, I never take my ring off" I married you and would do it again a thousand times over. I thought I must of just been hearing things then. Anyways to make a long story short the alcoholism, never leaving me with any cash, draining my bank account for his partying, asking me to abort our third child...drove me back to canada.

The plan was for me to sponsor him and we would start a life here. good for me the kids, him to. But he had an affair, apologised. I forgave him but he refused to delete her from facebook. Now let me just add that on his facebook are hundreds of beautiful, sngle women being added all the time. Anyways, I had his password so I deleted her along with some ex-lovers he had tried to re-friend. He was so angry with me for messing with his source that he gave me the silent treatment for the first time ever for 2 whole weeks. he was done with me I was dead to him.
And iin that time he met a 21 yr old tourist, I'm 36...and screwed her brains out. She has now replaced me, we are seperated and I'm a single mother of a 1 yr old, 3 yr old and 4 yr old.
I've cried begging on the phone for him to come back but as time goes on, it's been three weeks this seems to get easier. Sometimes I panic about the fact that I've lost my husband and really miss him. I can't understand how he can just stop loving me but it is said they do not love and I've been calling him on alot of shit lately so not really giving him much adulation...which is why he ran, I found him out.

So here I am trying to move on not sure where to begin, and I wonder if he'll be back..almost hoping he will. I'm in counselling to try and detach and thought this place would be a good start too. Thank you for reading.