What does this say?

When a narcissist who gets a new job, starts complaining after just a few weeks on that job that he's having problems on the job because he "has too much free time"?

What does this mean?

Now mind you, we are talking about someone who is/was an alcoholic, ex-con and 44 years old, living with his mother.

ifinallygotit's picture

Mine got a job for the first time in our 12 years together (he had retired early) and after a few weeks, never spoke to me again! He also refused to give any detail abut his new job. If someone is really working, they have no free time when learning a new job. My ex N was a quiet guy who never complained about anything ever. He kept everything inside tight.
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Stayingstrong is right..."He is the trashiest of the trash" and you deserve so much better. He has free time on his hands because he's not really working while at work. He probably thinks he's too good to life a finger! Look at how many of these men are reliant on us women to clothe, feed and shelter them. Trust me, I know....3 of my narcs all lived with me in my home and at times were unemployed. Why do we put up with this?! They are losers, but they have us brainwashed. That's the problem. I love what StayingStrong says here. It sums it all up: "Of course he has too much free time. I mean, he is sooooooooooo good at what he does that he already has his new job down pat and finishes things faster than a normal person haha. His job is probably waaaay beneath his skill level. Man, must be nice to be so above such mediocre things, like a job." Be done with him for good, Kizzy!
Susan32's picture

"Many of these men are reliant on us women to clothe, feed, and shelter them"-I know the ex-Psych prof bristled at the thought of me being his housewife&the mother of his kids... HE'D have to be the breadwinner. People would be dependent on HIM to follow through. The ex-P's wife was a curator... who I assume was making more $$$ than him. My former Narc coworker (the morbidly obese one) was a nursing home cook... but his wife had a much higher-paying job at Peet's. Yet he claimed that if he got fired, his wife would divorce him... so my Narc boss kept him out of pity. I had a former Narc coworker who was also a nursing home cook... his girlfriend is in a high-paying tech job. SHE defended his job before the management, NOT him. SHE came all the way over to beg them not to fire him. He walked off the job recently... so he's unemployed. AGAIN.
Susan32's picture

The ex-Psych prof's parents ARE living with him. He did have an alcohol problem. Whether or not he was an ex-con... I don't know.
Steph's picture

3 of your narcs lived with you and were on unempoyment??? They are losers! My God. Once, my first N......whom was unemployed ( not by choice, mind you....I'll give him that, he actually was a hardworker ) but anyways.....one time he told me I was a "golddigger" lol I felt like saying "yes, honey. I want to rip your unemployment cheque off you and go to the local WalMart and buy me some real nice stuff, yeeehaaah" lol This is a man that punched me in the head for beating him at a game of cards, and gave me a bloody nose because "I was acting like a princess in front of my grandparents" lol LOSERS!
Lisa E. Scott's picture

OMG! Punched you in the nose for being a princess in front of your grandparents? These men are crazy! Oh, and losers, yes, big time losers. I completely agree. We are way too good to put up with their BS, neediness and reliance. xoxo
Steph's picture

lol. and I apologized to him haha ah man, looking back, i can laugh. I apologized to a man that backhanded me!? WTF? and seriously, I beat him at a game of "UNO"....what the hell was I thinking?? hahahaha
Lisa E. Scott's picture

because you were brainwashed! This just goes to show how programmed they have us. Can you even imagine doing that now that you have deprogrammed? But at the time, it was an instant response in you, like Pavlov trained his dogs. These men ulimately seek to train and control us. We are the only ones who can put a stop to the madness by going No Contact!
Steph's picture

so true! the brainwashing, the conditioning. It's so fasinating, yet so sick! Could I imagane apologizing now that i'm deprogrammed? Hell frickin no! lol My goodness, at one point in life, I was reduced to being like one of Pavlov's dogs....salivating for that "food" that I was never sure if I'd ever get again. lol I'm laughing hard now thinking of it in this way....looking back...haha
Finally Faced It's picture

"Now mind you, we are talking about someone who is/was an alcoholic, ex-con and 44 years old, living with his mother." This statement is beyond classic. Sounds like quite a catch!!
kizzy72's picture

yep, exactly, yet he called me childish and selfish, and that i ask stupid questions. His brothers record is just as bad
Susan32's picture

The morbidly obese former Narc coworker would talk about how he had TONS of free time... yeah, he'd conveniently abandon me when I needed help during a double shift, then shift the blame onto me. The morning cook&I would be struggling to have everything ready for lunch, and he'd be sitting, staring, stuffing his face with junk food. He'd just disappear from the kitchen... when he was NEEDED... apparently he was hiding out, smoking. The ex-Psych prof loooved being a professor because it meant so much free time. He'd say his hobbies were: movies, TV, junk food, alcohol, masturbation... no wonder he hated my memory. The ex-P CLAIMED to be a philosopher. Now, philosophers tend to get published (his mentors Richard Rorty&Cora Diamond certainly did, even his father has huge publishing output that as a writer, I find praiseworthy) and come up with original ideas. He has accomplished NEITHER. Don't worry. He's NOT a famous philosopher. If I said his real name, you wouldn't know him from Adam.
kizzy72's picture

They don't have a thing going for them but they want to point our all your faults. And they are very smooth and charming at making themselves seem like they are philosophers, empathetic, understanding. This fool even told me when we first started to talk, and I quote "i know you get a sense that I'm sincere... there are a lot of hostile people in this world, and I'm not one of them - Trust me" That should have told me something right there but see I didn't know about his background, and he messed with the wrong one when he tried to run one on me because my family is heavy into law enforcement. Fool can't do nothing BUT provide sex for a woman and considering his addiction problem and age, that ability may not last very long if you know what I mean? LOL Besides, all the "swooning" he's done on women, so he claims using his brothers music, no telling what kind of bumps he has on his peter.
Susan32's picture

Since I didn't get sexually/romantically involved with the ex-Psych prof, I have the distance (emotionally&geographically) to see that I didn't miss out... on anything. It's not as if he's been interviewed on the radio in the past decade (his father has, and has also been in DISCOVER magazine), published a book, starred in a movie (which is more down his alley, IMHO). The ex-P would say how he wanted to follow Leo Tolstoy's ideal of Quietism/passivity. There's an essay on "War and Peace" about how one of the leads, Pierre, embodies Tolstoy's ideal of passivity. Contemplation/meditation is all fine&dandy... but passivity. That's infantile. He idolized Wittgenstein&Schopenhauer because their writings didn't become famous till they were dead;not all Ns/Ps see their own rejection as out of the picture... he'd tell me how Tolstoy&Schopenhauer were rejected by younger women. Schopenhauer, who had been a womanizer, was in his late 40s when a teenaged girl rejected him. Tolstoy's teenaged ward (he was her guardian) rejected him because she found him *TOO CONTROLLING*, inspiring his short story "Family Happiness." The ex-P's colleagues have accomplished MORE than him. My senior thesis advisor conducts workshops for teachers. The Dean of the college (I got a nice email from her this past week, she supported me during the ex-P's smear campaign/final D&D) is keeping the academic spark alive. My sophomore music professor published a book review in the Wall Street Journal, published a book, been interviewed on the radio. His colleague who went to grad school with him is known&respected for playing classical guitar. Ns/Ps get so hooked on accomplishments... yet accomplish (with the exceptional few-Picasso, Frank Lloyd Wright, Tolstoy, Schopenhauer) NOTHING. The Ns who actually have accomplishments are the rarities. Most of them are complainers.
Steph's picture

Of course he has too much free time. I mean, he is sooooooooooo good at what he does that he already has his new job down pat and finishes things faster than a normal person haha. His job is probably waaaay beneath his skill level. Man, must be nice to be so above such mediocre things, like a job.
kizzy72's picture

He told me he was a sales person for a cable company. He was once a trash man (which is the job I believe he was fired from). Kind of a step down from the naval academy and the marines. SMH
Steph's picture

"a" trash man? I think he is "THE" trash man lol the trashiest of the trash.
kizzy72's picture

staying strong, you are too funny! LOL!!!!!
mystwoman's picture

Well if it were xnh, I would guess that his complaining because he's having problems that "has too much free time" would mean that he's actually having to spend some time alone. Being alone is torture for narcs (no audience, no supply). Xnh cannot stand being alone...ever. I swear if he could get someone to go into bathroom with him while he's on the toilet, he would. Actually, he DID frequently talk on the phone on the john (plop, plop, flush - uck for the other person). lol. Xnh used to drive me nuts if I had to go to work and he wasn't scheduled. He would (literally) call me 5-10 times during my shift, and when I got home I'd find out that he'd spent the rest of the time on the phone with his mommy, or he would have found someone else to be around for the day. He honestly acted like it sent him into a panic to be alone with himself. I think xnh's whole goal in life is to NOT be alone, so that he doesn't actually have to be introspective about anything. If I were as angry underneath, and as self-centered and cruel as xnh, I wouldn't want to have to really look at myself either. Xnh would have to admit what a big narcy as*hole he really is. Therefore, he will do whatever it takes to NOT be alone. rofl. Just my theory. :)

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God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

Smitten Kitten's picture

We used to talk on the phone all day long as much as we could, almost everyday except weekends when my husband is home, for over a year. He has the kind of job where he can talk and work at the same time (driver) and I was only working 2 days a week until I quit my job to work on my house to put it on the market to move back to California where he is! This is how we got so attached and were able to have a relationship in between me seeing him when I was out there visiting. That was one of the hardest parts of going NC over 3 weeks ago, the withdrawal of talking to him all the time. He'd be working, and I'd be cleaning, doing laundry, shopping, running errands, working on my house, whatever. We even started doing it during our workout times (gotta love Bluetooth headsets). So I've been wondering what he's doing now or who he's talking to during the day, because the new GF is too busy at her job and can't even call during the day, so it's not her. I know he did this with the victim right before me, and as you've said, they can't stand being alone.