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What does this mean

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#1 Oct 13 - 1AM
Jelickuk
Jelickuk's picture

What does this mean

I had an awful couple of days whilst my children stayed with exnh. It still really hurts when I think of them all being a happy family with ow and me on the outside...an old pattern for me.

They came back last night and my daughter said he kept asking her whether I still missed him.

Then he sent both children a text saying "thank you for spending a couple of days with me. It made me feel normal again"

Is this a form of hoovering? Is he truly unhappy? Is he just an arsehole?

Oct 13 - 11AM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Honey if you are going to

Honey if you are going to move on you need to stop analysing(something we've all done)as it will just drive you mad. You must work the steps to get to the place where you don't give a shit about anything to do with him and you are happy in yourself and indifferent. Reply by Kitty, just adding to this thread because you had two on here.
Oct 13 - 12PM (Reply to #9)
Jelickuk
Jelickuk's picture

Thsnkyou. You are so right. I

Thsnkyou. You are so right. I long for indifference Znd I will get there....one day
Oct 13 - 8AM
Used
Used's picture

so he admits HE IS ABNORMAL

so he admits HE IS ABNORMAL THEN ?
Oct 13 - 8AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

He's nuts .. Hmmm " do you

He's nuts .. Hmmm " do you still miss him"" he's asking the question so she can torture you some more!! Normal again... Was he ever normal .. Ok this pisses me off!! Poor kids.. Are your kids in therapy??? I'm sorry, you are doing your best... Stay strong Hunter
Oct 13 - 8AM (Reply to #5)
Jelickuk
Jelickuk's picture

hi hunter my children were in

hi hunter my children were in therapy but my delightful exnh took legal action to stop it. He alleged they were fine and it was my agenda and bitterness that made me get them therapy. He is being so nice and delightful now. The children adore him again and act all their aNGER AND BLAME ON ME. As for me nc nc nc
Oct 13 - 8AM (Reply to #6)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

As I said you are doing

As I said you are doing you're best!! :( Stay Strong Hunter
Oct 13 - 7AM
Tigerlily
Tigerlily's picture

Jelickuk

I have a mean and nasty mind with regard to these creatures. I think he`s getting a big kick of flaunting his "happy, normal family" under your nose and knowing how that hurts you. PLUS he`s using your kids to spy on YOU. PLUS he guesses your daughter will tell him that he quizzed you, and probably also guesses that this will make you (a) uncertain as to whether he still cares for you, (b)uncertain as to whether he`s really happy or not and (c) in any case, up to a point still thinking about HIM! It could be a mild form of hoovering, but I`d put it down to pure sadism if I were you. I`m very glad I had no children with mine, I doubt I`d cope with it as well as you`re doing! Keep up the good work, Jelly. Tigerlily
Oct 13 - 8AM (Reply to #2)
Jelickuk
Jelickuk's picture

i just wish he would go away

i just wish he would go away completely. The connection with the children keeps me engaged even though i@m nc it still sends me mad
Oct 13 - 11AM (Reply to #3)
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

They do go away, when we heal

They do go away, when we heal and let them go away. It was my obsession that wouldn't let my mind rest. I couldn't stop thinking about it. Sharing the kids, keeps it closer and active, I know because my exwn and I share a child. But it is all about what we do, not what they do! I figure the ex will always be a narc, and do all the weird stuff that narcs do. But we need to focus on what we are doing, how we are taking care of ourselves. If you are like me, you seek validation, and need to be told that you are not the disordered one. Here it is. You are doing great, you understadn that he is scik, and that you need to recover and heal. You know that you deserve a whole complete life. You know that he is a narc and giving the ow the mirror job, wearing the mask and doing the narc mombo. Good for him, the one trick pony boy! Be the strong loving Mom that you are, and say and ask as little as possible about the ex to the kids. They watch, they intuitivley know he is not right, and yet he is their Dad, and they love him probably. That is ok, they will learn how to have boundaries with him as they mature and learn. I hope my daughter always has a relationship with her Mom, but I know it can be a healthy realtionship for my daughter, but that it will never be healthy for the n because she has a disorder that prevents that form happening. My kid is already seeing that her Mom can only do so much. Just love the kids and keep a safe and happy home for them. Many memebers here have reminded me lately that it is ok for me to be mad and angry. I deserve to have all of my feelings. I don't have to stuff them anymore. Its just important to know who I can and cannot share them with. That helps me alot. I have two friends that I call and cuss out the x whenever I want to. I usually do it for a moment or two and then laugh out loud as on some level that is coming into my consciousness the whole thing seems silly and of little real consequence. The only real power it has is the power I give it. An inside job, so to speak. Blessings to you, and you are not alone in your journey... ds