What is D&D?

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#1 Aug 9 - 2PM
Beachcolors
Beachcolors's picture

What is D&D?

Hi everyone...im new to posting in a forum. Can someone tell me what D&D stands for?

Additionally, are there any other abbrevations I should know about?

Aug 14 - 1AM
cupcake (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Oh sweet someone please answer me!

Thanks neveragain - that helped except I am totally curious and can't forget about it. What would happen if a N had no sources? No mistress, no concubine, no porn, no cyber sex, no chat rooms - just ONE wife or ONE girlfriend? Would they get depressed?
Aug 14 - 8PM (Reply to #24)
Beachcolors
Beachcolors's picture

my 2-cents

I think that when a Narcissit is low on supply they become their own source. I imagine that mine sits around and talks to himself about how fantastic he is. But, i also think that would be very short lived. They NEVER go without a source. It's no different than us going without food and drink. If you are starving you will do anything to feed yourself. ANYTHING....it may not be what your used to but it'll do in a tight. I think that they frantically start trying to re-contact every single source they ever knew......ex wives, girlfriends, family, friends, coworkers, basically anyone that ever gave them the time of day.
Aug 14 - 10PM (Reply to #25)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

supply sources

exactly right... they do become "their own source" until they find a new source Heck Psycho-Boy looked me up after 27 years, must have been desperate since he hadn't done so in all the preceeding years when he could have. Made me feel like crap for a long time and of course now he talks about me like I am garbage because I exposed him. So yeah, they start trolling -- old supply (hoping these people might think they've changed) or use old supply to meet new supply (Psycho-Boy tried to hit on THREE of my friends and was almost successful with one!) or troll for new supply - usually they do a combo. and using porn, hookers - that's paid supply - always good for a backup. but they are NEVER NEVER NEVER without supply. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily "Some women can fake an orgasm. But some men can fake an entire relationship!" - Sharon Stone
Aug 13 - 11PM
cupcake (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

N's without sources

Guys what will happen to a N if he is without sources? Say he is put in a situation where he is exposed to family and friends, his sordid triple life comes out, his porn sites, his girlfriend, his mistress(s) are all exposed. And he is in a tricky situation where he feels he can't go on his cyber sex chat rooms or play with his mistress because he doesn't want to lose his girlfriend or respect from his friends. What happens if they are forced to commit to one person and one person only?
Aug 14 - 1AM (Reply to #20)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

that will NEVER happen

NEVER HAPPEN - NEVER FORCED to commit? You mean get married? Within a couple years he will have mistresses, or hookers, or a bad porn habit... or all three. Narcs are NEVER EVER without sources EVER. EVER. EVER. They make sure of that even if they have to sneak to do it... Psycho-Boy engaged his sex-addiction habit on his WORK CELLPHONE and during his lunch hours? high-end escorts. His wife was a family friend and he supposedly was "encouraged" to get married... now 23 years later he's still married, has a Madonna/ Whore complex, a wife who's probably a complete mental mess and still has a sex-on-the-side habit BIG TIME... and can't hold a job (but wait wifey pays his way!) That NEVER happens. NEVER ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily "Some women can fake an orgasm. But some men can fake an entire relationship!" - Sharon Stone
Aug 14 - 1AM (Reply to #21)
cupcake (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Woah. He sounds completely,

Woah. He sounds completely, well, psycho! He is actually exposed now. I did it! I exposed him and don't care. His girlfriend had me reported but I don't care (she doesn't believe it), his sister said if I contacted her again she would call the police - all I did was send an e-mail laying out what I had been doing with him the whole time he was with her. I think his rage came upon me I got an anon e-mail from an anon e-mail addresses with a bunch of swear words and him vowing he will get me unless I back off. Which I will now. Except what will happen to him? will he just lay low for a while and then go back to being a cheating lying pig?
Aug 14 - 10PM (Reply to #22)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

no contact

he will just continue on - he could care less... listen to the radio show - they have ONLY ONE EMOTION... guess what it is? consider opening a blog and posting his nasty "anonymous" letter to you with his name. No Contact - yes... keeping quiet about him? No. I have posted a BUNCH of sites where you can expose him... here's a few: www.stoptheact.com www.dontdatehimgirl.com www.cheatersexpose.com www.playerblock.com BUT DO NOT ACT LIKE A TICKED-OFF 16 year old AND CONTACT HIM OR HER AGAIN! YOURS IS PSYCHO ALSO!! PSYCHO-BOY is simply older and farther down the psycho-path (pun intended) YOURS IS NO DIFFERENT, HE'S NOT HUMAN! HIS BRAIN IS DISORDERED AND THERE IS NO CURE! NONE OF THEM ARE FIXABLE! Have you read the posts of those of us who were married to these cretins? Depressed? HELL NO... they are MONSTERS! Yours is someone else's problem now - THANK GOD! Stop with the toxic magical thinking! Maybe you need to see your counselor more than 1x a week right now. CLUE PHONE RINGING cupcake - ANSWER IT!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily "Some women can fake an orgasm. But some men can fake an entire relationship!" - Sharon Stone
Aug 13 - 11PM (Reply to #16)
neveragain
neveragain's picture

Only In a MOVIE

Cupcake....any N worth his salt will NEVER, EVER allow that kind of situation to ever occur. They are slippery, slimy, elusive choreographers of a complicated dance. They are better magicians than any you've ever seen either on TV or in Las Vegas. They have the ability to pull the wool over anyone's eyes. They are sharks, snakes and oh, what's another kind of predator that always gets their prey?...Oh, yes, they're NARCISSISTS. Forget about fantisizing about their demise. They're like cockroaches. You could set off a nuclear blast and guess who would survive?....them. I listened to Lisa's blog talk radio show from last night. It was excellent. Barbara and Lisa talked about why Narcissists can't love. I kept thinking, "They have the heart of a reptile.....cold and calculating.....biologically there but without a soul" Your N's tricky situation is something you need not worry about. Focus on yourself and getting away from his sick, warped, disgusting, filthy world. You deserve better. neveragain
Aug 13 - 11PM (Reply to #17)
cupcake (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

neveragain!

That was actually really well written and very witty I'm laughing right now! that is the first smile I have had all week - thanks neveragain!! Hmm....HUMOR me!! Just say in some universe he was forced to do that. What would happen to him? Would he be constnatly depressed and unhappy if he can't have sources? I read that they are weak and afraid without sources and incurably unfaithful but I am just generally curious as to what would happen to him if he was in this situation. I want him to suffer - someone tell me he will suffer!
Aug 14 - 12AM (Reply to #18)
neveragain
neveragain's picture

Oh Sweet Cupcake....They're all so Devoid of Emotion

Forgeddaboudit....they don't really "suffer" the way in which we (humans) think of true suffering. They usually have all THEIR arms and legs. (And they often go to great lengths to make sure that their arms and legs are the most beautiful ones in ALL the land). neveragain
Aug 14 - 4AM (Reply to #19)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

stop that cupcake

they can't feel MRIs and other brain scans have shown the structure & chemical composition of their brain is DIFFERENT and missing activity in emotional areas they will NEVER suffer they will also NEVER know happiness or love or anything else. NEVER Please listen to last night's radio show: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/allabouthim/2009/08/13/A-Narcissist-is-Incapable-of-Love (thanks neveragain...) we talked about this in-depth on the show. You continue to obsess about him as if he was a NORMAL PERSON and this was a NORMAL BREAKUP. I understand you are young but stop and read the stories of some of us older gals who were married to and/or had KIDS with these freaks. It's the same creep in a different body. Look what they did to us... and do to EVERYONE around them over time. Sorry but your situation is NOT UNIQUE. He is not unique. He's a simple, disgusting predator. NOT EVEN HUMAN. (that's not a joke dear - he is not NORMAL or HUMAN) Stop WORRYING about him... worry about you & your suffering. AND NO CONTACT!!!!!!!!!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily "Some women can fake an orgasm. But some men can fake an entire relationship!" - Sharon Stone
Aug 9 - 7PM
James (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

D&D stands for?

This is a web site that explain it a little better about why and how D&D would be used with a NPD. http://planetjan.wordpress.com/2009/04/18/the-mirror-talks-reflections-on-narcissism-1/ Hope it was helpful.
Aug 9 - 8PM (Reply to #14)
tina
tina's picture

Thanks James :)

I didn't know what D&D was either...
Aug 9 - 2PM
Rose-Marie (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

D & D

D & D stands for Devaluation and Discard which the narcissist does when he begins to get bored with you i.e. begins to bring you down - because you have offended him or he is starting to get bored with you - and then ends the relationship. I am sure others can explain it more succintly than I can, but that is the jist of it. Rosy P
Aug 9 - 4PM (Reply to #2)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

this is D&D

http://www.lisaescott.com/2009/06/24/understanding-narcissists-cycle-idealizing-you-devaluing-demeaning-you
Aug 9 - 8PM (Reply to #3)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

D & D

Devil (in) Disguise?? Same difference! Discovering d&d was a horrifying surreal experience for me. I was somewhat in denial at first about it...and all things that are narcissism. My ex couldn't possibly have purposely been so cruel could he?? That's when I started focusing on 'curing narcissism' (Lmao - now). It was too much to bare to think of someone treating me poorly, when all I was trying to do was please him and solve the problems. Weeks before our wedding, he vanished. I really am SO SO SO happy about this now, but discovering your 'loved one' is this weird alien creature that never cared for us is so disturbing. I am heartbroken for ANYONE who ever has to go through this nightmare. We must be pretty awesome people to keep pushing ahead though, don't ya think? :)
Aug 9 - 9PM (Reply to #4)
insectt (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

D & D IS awful

Being devalued and discarded is THE MOST HORRIBLE feeling. But I also think it is a valuable 'wake up call' to get away from these people. My D & D just started a few months ago. I went from an indisposable sidekick, his best friend and the best personality he has ever met to him not even talking to me and we live in the same house...which I helped him buy!!! We had a mutual friend's wedding today. it was a very painful experience for me, This man that I loved and adored and took care of for two years, just went on with his happy little life and paraded his new girlfriend around, holding her hand, slow dancing with her, kissing her...blah, blah, blah. He says she is supposedly 'the one' and has sworn off all other women. So, it's only been two months for them, so we'll see how it goes after the honeymoon priod ends. Hopefully I'll be moved out before then. D & D does indeed suck...it doesn't leave you with closure, and answers or a sense of fairness...you will be the strongest person you can be at this point to move through it.
Aug 14 - 5PM (Reply to #12)
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

they are sick animals

be thankful he only paraded his new girlfriend around in front of you and gave her a smile, mine wanted me to watch him and her have sex together and I could join in, or watch he said if I got too jealous too bad then leave..... Nice huh, he might as well stabbed me in the heart while he was at it, I am suppose to watch him have sex with others in front of me? But the more I thought about that the more he turned into a disgusting slime I cant even stand to watch porn let alone do something like that, this was my prince this was the man who told me I was the one he always loved, m,mmm ya you bet, thats love for ya, nothing worse than to be discarded like that like I was nothing but a whore for his sick life style, I went from the girl of his dreams to just a sex side show but hey this is what these men do and naturally he threw me to the curb because I refused to participate in such things, I would rather be at the curb hey the garbage man would have treated me better ha ha
Aug 10 - 11AM (Reply to #9)
Marie
Marie's picture

Insectt

I give you a lot of credit and others like you who are living with their Ns. I don't know how you deal with it all. It was painful enough when D&D began for the final time and I knew it would be the last of him. When I would run into him it was very distressful knowing I couldn't interact with him any longer because he didn't want me. Then when his pretend self came back it was almost unbearable for all the memories it brought back. I can't imagine now seeing him with another the way you saw yours. Mine happened exactly one year ago, a horrible summer I will never forget. Right before my birthday too. I know it was intentionally done to be cruel. Yours will eventually do the same to his new lady. I don't believe these guys ever change their behavior. It may take years but eventually she will find herself on the chopping block if she doesn't run away before. I hope you are able to move out soon especially before things fall apart with this other woman. He may trot his pretend self out to win you back. Hugs
Aug 10 - 4PM (Reply to #10)
insectt (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Believe me. I know it will

Believe me. I know it will not last with his new GF. Whether t takes months or years. Yes, I was devastated and felt like I was taking steps backwards when I seen them together. The way he used to want to be around me and treat me like that. he was part of the wedding party and walked the bridesmaid down the aisle. He glanced over at new GF with a huge smile. I died on the inside but I maintatined composure, smiling trying to look at everyone else. But then I also replayed in my head how FRIENDS don't treat REAL FRIENDS that way. I thought about how he is TREATING ME KNOW and NOT how he 'used' to be with me, as pretend guy. I had my internal dialogue churning and I made it through the whole wedding. Even though we live together, we don't really talk to each other and he is over at his GF's house every night and on the weekends, so that makes it easier not being around him so much. Alsi, I am in school for my company. Once I get out I will be making significantly more money where I can afford my own place, which should be by the end of the year. I am planning on moving by January.
Aug 10 - 5PM (Reply to #11)
Marie
Marie's picture

Insectt

Don't know how you did it. I know exactly how you felt inside seeing him with his GF. I caught mine outside with this other woman hugging and kissing. Of course he denied it, said he didn't even know anyone with that color hair. What a liar! She was on his Facebook! Oh I forgot I'm crazy and delusional, lol. I hope January comes quickly for you. The best thing for you is to be totally rid of him.
Aug 9 - 9PM (Reply to #5)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

insectt

Wow, I am sorry you had such a painful experience! I can't imagine what that must have felt like. You are pretty amazing to be able to even attend. I guess by the same token, it was probably unnerving for him to have you there with your 'couldn't care less' face on. At least you know that she is 'victim in the making'(unfortunately). It would have taken all my strength NOT to go up to her and say, "I'm so sorry for what's about to happen to you".
Aug 10 - 6PM (Reply to #8)
insectt (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Yes, guys, it was painful

Yes, guys, it was painful and difficult. But that is why I am here so much today. So I can releive the pressure by posting here, instead of contacting him! *lol*
Aug 9 - 10PM (Reply to #6)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

the truth about D&D

"Pathologicals only discard the best, the most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They keep fellow abusers, gossips & enabling lackeys close. They despise the principled & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation!" - A. Valerious ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily Online Coaching for Victims of Narcissists/ Psychopaths
Aug 10 - 7PM (Reply to #7)
neveragain
neveragain's picture

I Love That Quote Barbara

It's so true. We are the most precious of gems of people. We have so much to offer in all our relationships. They do keep their fellow abusers, gossips and enabling lackeys close. (Until they get mad at them too). I also like the Devalue and Discard phrase because it so describes how I felt during it. I felt like I was someone who should be VALUED and respected. By my ex-N Devaluing me, it was obvious that he is a very vile person. The Discard was almost a relief, really. By being Discarded, I was released from the bondage of being in a relationship with someone who doesn't deserve to ever lay eyes on me again!