What is with the off the charts chemistry? Does anyone know?

Best sex I ever had, do not know why either, I felt like we were sexual soulmates and do not even believe in the soulmate stuff.

When I first met the ex-Psych prof, I was intensely sexually attracted to him. He was the *ONLY* professor baring his chest in the coffee shop (and apparently he was shaving his chest, because he was nearly hairless there) my freshman year. I had intense sexual dreams about him... which became more intense before the final D&D, then abruptly ending during the final D&D. It's like all the mistreatment during the D&D made those dreams vaporize like a desert mirage. He said that he&I were like Leo&Sofia Tolstoy, who had intense sexual attraction... so much so they married after a week of courtship. He wanted to marry me immediately (he wanted to take advantage of the fact that I believed in saving sex for marriage) When Leo was courting Sofia (she was the daughter of a childhood friend of his, she had memorized his "Childhood" and "Youth",so she admired Leo the writer), he called her "plain and vulgar" in his diaries. He pitted her against her sisters so they were fighting over him. Towards the end of his life, Leo was purposefully neglecting his hygiene because he idealized the Russian Peasant, so when he forced himself sexually on Sofia, she'd be weeping&threatening suicide after sex. The ex-P, for his natural tan, good hair... and having an odd combination of nerdiness&sex appeal... had rotting teeth, from the get-go. He said he was letting his teeth rot because Leo Tolstoy did it. By the final D&D, his teeth were still terrible. He knew he hooked me with his attractiveness.. and he let himself go. When I was dating, one of my male friends said that the ex-P was acting like the stereotypical heartbroken woman because he was hitting the bottle&pigging out on junk food. What was bizarre was that my freshman year, he said that he WANTED to be fat, rhapsodizing about a Simpsons episode in which Homer is force-fed donuts. The ex-P really let himself go in the end. A common sign that a man is having an affair is that he gets physically fit, hits the gym, he suddenly wants to look great. But not with the ex-P. When he had his LDR with the serious girlfriend in LA, he only got fatter&neglected himself more. It's not only that he emotionally abused me, but he abused himself (in more ways than one) I once joked snarkily that the ex-P was cheating on me... with Little Debbie and the Hostess.

I can relate to just about everything everyone said. Instant, intense, over-the-top chemistry with him that I've never had with anyone else. Unlike some of you mentioned though, it was also extremely intimate. Lots of touching, holding, kissing, eye contact - the whole package. And he was VERY good at everything he did. Definitely an expert at seducing and pleasing women. Someone else mentioned jigsaw puzzle. That was how i felt too, like our bodies fit together like two puzzle pieces and we were connected at every level, mind, body and soul.

My N and I had crazy chemistry, crazy level of attraction for him. Honestly, have never been that attracted to anyone. He's good looking, but nothing super-special. But whatever it was (smell, touch) I was hooked. If I don't see him, I do well. Unfortunately NC is very difficult when you work in the same building. I'm hoping someday I can look at him and feel no attraction. I'm not sure how I'll do it, but that's what has to happen.

Many, many of us who are involved with narcissists talk about the incredible chemistry we share with them, notably about the intense sexual arousal they spark in us, over many years, quite unlike other relationships in which the physical attraction mellows into a deep but practical bond. I came to believe that my narc deliberately kept us in this state to keep the relationship for moving forward, that he was terrified of that next step, in which the electricity would be gone, the intensity tempered. He took great pride in the fact that I was sexually enslaved to him even after several years. "Who else would still do this to you?" he would ask. "Who else would still make you feel this way?" He would come over and spend an hour pleasing me, but without any holding, intercourse or real closeness. I couldn't even kiss him while he was touching me; it wasn't allowed. After, he would give off an air of someone who had done a job well. When I think about the effort it must take him to keep so many women in this state, over the course of many years, it truly staggers and exhausts my imagination. And when I think of the thousands of times I wanted him to hold me, to literally sleep with me, to look at me, to touch my face--and that all of this was utterly out of my grasp--it makes me so sad still. But true intimacy and true relationships are anathema to the narcissist. They must only feed off the intimacy of others. They can give none of their own.

It's off the chart manipulation. These disorders begin in childhood and they learn to compensate for their lackings with over the top manipulation tactics to get what they want and need. This is why it is so difficult to beat them at their own games because they have been perfecting these moves for years. They are the masters at gaining supply, control, and getting you to meet their needs, often with your not even noticing they are doing it, especially in the beginning. In order to get this, you need to step back, observe, and realize that most of what they do and say is for an end result. Once you break away from the hold they have on you, it becomes easier to see it. They want something you have and then the game begins and they will try just about anything to get it and once they have what they need or want, they go back to their real self centered, manipulative selves, until the next time they want something. Goldie

I felt me and my narc were made for each other,the chemistry was electrifing sometimes. i miss being in his big strong arms,those cuddles he gave me were amazing,we just fitted together like a jigsaw puzzle.I truly felt we belonged together,are sex life was incredible,i will never get that feeling again with anyone, its a feeling i will miss the rest of my life .... it still makes me cry ... heartbroken !

How Love Works: Lee Ann Obringer http://people.howstuffworks.com/love7.htm

I remember I asked him after about 4 or 5 years if he knew why we got along so well and had such a lasting attraction - and he jsut said "we have great chemistry" they are not stupid - they know...I had never thought about oir chemistry because I was not as hooked then as our relationship was slow to develop... I do not even find him handsome, but the chemistry is crazy. i think you guys are right, that it will never go away despite knowledge of the danger so best to stay away.

Wtf?!? WHY did he have to be so brain damaged!?!? I was so sexually addicted to him. His looks, smell, taste, the sound of his voice...Those exact words were spoken by predator Edward Cullen of Twilight- to Bella, on how he entices his prey. We already know narcs are vampires! I feel like I am forever screwed because I could NEVER get enough of him. I still think of sex with him and still fantasize about it and sex with other men SUCKS because of it!!! I've had to temporarily halt dating because its made me feel worse. Never in my life, have I EVER been so attracted to someone this deeply. That is what is making it so difficult for me to move on, to be honest with you. It really scares me. I think I miss him, but I only miss his "shell". And what a damn good shell that was. I pray I will feel it again with someone else. I am so happy this was brought up!!! Thank you!!!

And it has now been 9 months since i kissed him and i do not want to date yet...we were bonded on a super primal level. EX N is quiet and calmly very sexy. I had a nice quiet father who excelled in same sport as EX N - father was my reprieve from my crazy N mom. Loved to be with my dad. I think I felt this basic safety and security in arms of my EX N. I just wanted to hide up under him - just crazy for him... Little did I know that this really would be the craziest thing I have ever experienced...

It just dawned on me reading this. The man in my life...he reminds me of my father. Italian. Dark. Temper. Possessive. Dictator-like. (but I loved my dad, don't get me wrong...but he was an old school Italian man) omg. Maybe that is what sucks me back in... to hope...you WILL feel this again. I think that the trauma bond with the narcs, make us feel we won't ever find that again. But, there's lots of normal, healthy minded HOT guys out there! :=) lol You'll find this again, someday.

I feel the same way.... it is like there is this animal attraction, very raw. Like you, I am so afraid I will never be attracted to anyone else again, definitely not like this - we definitely had a psychic connection. Its scary. My theory is this: - first, did you have a NPD or BPD dad? Mine was, and we were very bonded, which I think predisposes me to these kind of people. - they do have AMAZING charm and AMAZING charisma. It is their mask. And because they are liars/manipulators, they charm the pants off of us. They flatter us non stop. They brainwash us and make us feel like we have found our soulmate. - the "soulmate" connection is, what most women are looking for. It is extremely appealing to us, and therefore our dopamine and seratonin are off the charts. we are so "in love"! with this person who is pretending to be completely enamored with us and our soulmate. A great book to read is Helen Fisher, "Why We Love". It helped me understand a lot of it. It is truly chemical, for us, based on them triggering us. It is not their chemicals. Also, you can read "Betrayal Bond". The push/pull, abuse, Jekyll/Hyde, and other horrible things they do to us also creates a chemical reaction in us that causes us to bond to them.

My therapist and I spent a good deal of time talking about this exact issue a few days ago. I expressed to her that I have known my narc for many years although we didn't see each other for almost thirty (!), and that he and I had the same emotional issues as the other as teenagers and we still do today when we are in our forties. Of course over the years I chose to get help for my emotional issues such as low self-esteem, abandonment issues, poor impulse control, spending, etc. All childhood related. He has almost exactly the same issues as me but he decided to become a criminal. :-) My therapist feels that because we both came into the relationship with the same issues, he and I unconsciously bonded over that and that is why the chemistry was so overpowering. ESPECIALLY the issue of hiding our sexuality ( I had an affair with him and of course he was lying as well by carrying on an affair with me). We both obviously got some kind of real high from the secretive nature of the relationship. However, once his real demons surfaced, which was pretty quickly, my healthy side kicked in and I challenged everything he said and did. Then the end came pretty fast. Secondly, he looks almost exactly like my father and my brothers with whom I had been the victim of intermittent molestation and incest. So, that was pretty much a no-brainer in terms of why I am SOOOO attracted to him, despite the fact that he is already a very good-looking guy.