what bugs them more?

10 posts / 0 new

#1 Sep 5 - 12PM

Gemelli

what bugs them more?

Heres a question:

I am in process of getting everything out of Narcs home. There are steps I will need to take to divorce him. My goal date is Ocober 28th with a complete sever at that point. I am gone 4 days today with NC. and it almost seems harder aas the days go on. However, this site has helped because I feel theres support & accountability here with others.

I have loose ends to tie up, therefore there will be a need for contact. He does attempt to communicate through texts and emails regarding some issues and I havent responded. For once I want him to wonder and flip the brain F*^# tables. It might sound sophomorish but I need something to make me empowered as I exit.He's actually starting to grasp at straws because Im giving him NOTHNG and he knows it!

So, do I text/email back with one line answers OR dismiss them all together since they are not serious in nature?

More importantly, WHICH WILL DRIVE HIM MORE NUTS?? Since I am not jumping like he's used to? Thoughts?

#2 Sep 7 - 11PM

Sunafterrain

This is about YOU now..

Your getting this divorce is enough, trust me! Sending him one liners or whatever, only keeps you in the game with him, HIS game and he'll believe he still has some power over you. The IDEA here is to let him know, with your SILENCE, that you wont PLAY the game anymore you are DONE with his smarmy ass and you look FORWARD to getting the hell out of there and ON with your life! THAT WILL PISS HIM OFF! He will have NO MORE control. God, they hate that!

#3 Sep 6 - 10AM

Hunter

Silence should be your only

Silence should be your only sentence! Hunter

#4 Sep 6 - 10AM

drcrnp

Nuts

It is delicious to think of driving the N nuts. Revenge feels good, and yes, empowering. What I found though was that I was spending an inordinate amount of time dwelling on revenge. This was keeping me engaged with the N. To be truly free of him, I find I do so much better with NC. No thoughts of him, no energy expended on him, not a second of my precious time squandered on him. Or, as the N might say, "It's all about me!" Me healing, taking care of myself, pursuing healthy relationships. I'm not saying I don't slide back into thoughts of revenge, or, more often, just plain sorrow for the dream that I lost. But I do try to get myself back on track as quickly as I can. So I say, put yourself first. Jerk him around and enjoy it but then get on with more important things. This group is keeping me together better than any therapist has.

#5 Sep 5 - 6PM

Susan32

Save a horse, ride a Narc-boy!

Manipulate him as much as you can and WITH A SMILE ON YOUR FACE. Be INCONSISTENT with your answers. Say yes, do no. Keep him CONFUSED. Don't show him you're hurting. However, if he shows narcissistic injury, be sure to openly revel in it. Dismiss the ones you can. Text one line answers if you must. After the final D&D, I gave MIXED messages to the ex-Psych prof. He really didn't know what my next angle was... so when the senior skit mocked HIM, it hit him totally unprepared. I'd invite him to a housewarming party... it NEVER happened. I promised him contact info because I'd live in town. I promised, promised, promised.... NEVER came thru. I promised BIG, and gave LITTLE.

#6 Sep 5 - 7PM (Reply to #5)

Gemelli

Giddy Up!

LOVED this answer! Basically, if Im understanding you correcly...BE HIM! Oh, thats easy! Let the games begin! Are you sure you didnt major in NARC 101??

#7 Sep 5 - 8PM (Reply to #6)

Susan32

It was because he wasn't my lover...

The ex-Psych prof KNEW that if he had sex with me, it would be the ultimate way to CONTROL. The oxycotin, the possibility of pregnancy, I would've been bonded to him bodily. Since I wasn't sexually bonded with him, I had the "License to Do as I Please" with no expiration date. No need to renew. I think it's harder to play the games if you're a former spouse or lover, the ties are greater, or as some say, the "psychic cords." I let the ex-Psych prof take advantage of me emotionally for 4 years, the final D&D was PUBLIC humiliation. I declared my love to him, he took it as an excuse to treat me WORSE. So I turned the tables and IT WAS EPIC. He wasn't my ex-husband, I didn't OWE him anything. So I could dole out so much more!

#8 Sep 5 - 1PM

Swan

Gemelli

My experience is NO CONTACT at all whosoever is driving my Narc more insane. Good. He was 9/10 of the way there anyway. And you don't have to have any contact with him at all while divorcing. Just let the lawyer handle every communication. That will certainly add to his fury. Total NC is sweet. And yes, I agree with the thinking that it is our final hit with total control taken back by us. It is empowerment for sure.

#9 Sep 5 - 1PM (Reply to #2)

Gemelli

Swan

Thanks for the advice! Seriously, if it wasnt for this site this weekend, I wouldve caved! This site gives the advice you need when you're going through all this pain and mixed feelings. Friends can only help so much. Its the little, day in, day out thoughts that run through your mind which this site aids in seeing more clearly. Friends cant help as much since they typically have not had a relationship with a N.

#10 Sep 5 - 1PM (Reply to #3)

Swan

Gemelli

I agree! AND any time day or night when you need support you can get it immediately! The forum is a Godsend.

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