Weird Stuff about Ex N

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#1 Dec 31 - 10AM

Isabella B

Weird Stuff about Ex N

1. Ex N showered with his five year old daughter - I remember feeling uncomfortable with that.
2. Felt comfortable with his kids sleeping in same room and us having sex. Kids were asleep, but he said after first time having sex with kids asleep nearby that he said, "See, family around and it (sex) gets better."
3. Underdressed or took off underwear with his kids in the room and they would see his everything - in the shower too.
4. He'd look uncomfortable with my family and he'd just sit there and wouldn't ask people about stuff. My family would sit and look at each other, like "what should we ask?"
5. Once he gave my nephew a cold glare - so cold and my nephew was 7 at the time. My nephew also displays more feminine characteristics and I it made Ex N uncomfortable.
6. I told Ex N about my worldview - I believe I belong to the earth, so I belong to something bigger than myself and I need to be respectful to the earth and people. He had this cold, dark look on his face and leaned into my personal space. He said, "I believe different. I believe I'm GIVEN things and it's my job to take care of what I OWN." I could not even respond or anything...it scared me.
7. Compared me to his late wife - "You have softer hair than she did;" "You're smarter than she was...I don't have to explain things to you. I can say stigmata, and you know what I mean;" "She didn't know how to talk or articulate thoughts or events. Like when our son was admitted to the hospital for a broken arm accident, we ended up getting investigated because she didn't tell them the story correctly;" "She doesn't know the cultural stuff like you do."
8. THEN, months in and I was hooked - I couldn't live up to her standards. She was the perfect mate and mother, and I fell short over and over again.
9. He made a comment that he was turning into the role of his late wife - that I would work and he'd stay home with the kids. He had this distant look in his eyes when he said that he picked up all of her past responsibilities and he was changing into her.
10. He was into zombies and teen stuff and we are in our mid-thirties.
11. I shared my admission to law school acceptance letter and he looked like he had received a reprimand letter from my school principal, like I'd gotten into trouble. I DECLINED it because going to law school would have put the kids and him second. He wanted it writing that I had declined it, so I could focus on the kids and family. He dumped me 2 months later; even after I let go of law school. He said I was unstable, complicated, demanding, and high maintinance.
12. When he brought up marriage, he said, "God wants me to be with you. God wants us to be together." I am a believer, but even I would be the first to not use God's name in vain, because that's what it was. If he believed God meant for us to be together, than he would have treated me right.

Okay - I was too mature for him. Looking over this list...the first time he said he showered with his five-year daughter sent this chill down my spine.

How's that for weird?

#2 Jan 6 - 5AM

mandathepanda

My Ex N spent a great deal of

My Ex N spent a great deal of time in the relationship trying to convince me that he was a decent, moraled person...almost like he was trying to convince himself. I never trusted him, because he had cheated on me and I had seen too much of his behaviour, especially when he had had a drink. The final straw for me was when he came to my house and got drunk when my girls were present. I have two daughters, 12 and 15. He had his arms around my 15 year old and kissed her on the head (this was the first time he had ever been drunk around my children), and when myself and my youngest daughter told him to stop (my eldest was looking VERY uncomfortable with his behaviour) he turned nasty. He shouted at my youngest "why shouldn't I kiss your sister, why shouldn't I put my arms around her...you are good looking girls, what's wrong with that??" I was horrified...and I realised at that moment, that far from being drunken behaviour, the alcohol has stripped his mask away and this was HIM. These men are just hideous.. Stay strong and well done for realising... Manda xxx

#3 Jan 5 - 11PM

c_jennings

ha...zombies

mine has himself listed as a "Zombie aficionado" in his social networking profiles...;) hes 46

#4 Jan 6 - 12PM (Reply to #17)

Isabella B

So gross to me - zoombies. He

So gross to me - zoombies. He also wore these sunglasses and hat teens or early twenty year olds wear, and it only made him look old. It's like me wearing teen fashion and I'm 37 years old - that would scream that I'm so much older than a teen. I remember my sister saying, "His sunglasses...tell him to switch them, they make him look weird." HE IS WEIRD, SO WEIRD!

#5 Jan 1 - 12AM

bgirl

Weird stuff indeed... N =

Weird stuff indeed... N = talking about having his son in his arms like he had me....like head on his chest all wrapped up???? Also talked about his kid's bodies in detail....when he is naked you can see he's getting a bit fat...and his daughter; comments about her in her dance costumes....almost wistfully imagining what Boys are going to do to her in the future...most normal dads would reject that train of thought I would hope....??? Also she hardly ever talked and seemed 'jumpy' and fearful like a mouse...and their whole family teased her for being a scaredy cat :( Narc dad = crying and using me for comfort when arguing with my mum...entering my bed whenever he felt like it...and just walking into the bathroom unannounced....my heart rate rises thinking about this stuff even now.....:/

#6 Dec 31 - 3PM

Hunter

How weird is that

It's beyond weird... It's sick perverted behavior.. He in no way shape or form should be allowed to parent.. Reminds me of recent Gary Sandusky.. It's sick, sick sick.. This man is a Psychopath, Sociopath .... He belongs in jail and that's why he was investigated.. Children that behave as you describe have issuses .. You were abused and these kids are still being abused.. You need to stay very far away from this pedophile ...this man scares me.. Hunter

#7 Jan 1 - 1AM (Reply to #11)

Isabella B

Lost my Senses

It sucks that I can NOW consider him sick because others think so...I cannot believe how crossed my wires have been since this sicko entered my life. I end up doubting his behaviors - that they were sick and abusive. It's hit me hard entering the 10th month. I thought I was over this, but bam! it hit all over again when he heard he was leaving and it opened up the wounds again. There is that little voice that says I failed as a partner and mother to him and his kids. How did I lose my self-confidence so quickly? How did I let his opinion override my senses? It's like I have to RELEARN everything and I am tired, so darn tired. I wish we had real NC since the breakup. We didn't because of the place we live and work. Why did I let this man scare the daylights out of me - honestly, he still does? My therapist wants me to focus on the positives in my life (I understand), but I want to address some of this stuff - I guess for validation - but it's like I'm not supposed to think or talk about it. It's in the past, leave it there. Again, I understand, but I still think about this stuff/memories/pain, and I'm afraid. This evening, after reading you and other people's responses, I was like, okay, he is sick, and it wasn't just me. He's dangerous, and it's not just me. People around me would NEVER believe this stuff about him. I don't feel comfortable sharing these very intimate details either. Thank you and tell me again - he's bad for me. I just want confirmation and I'm working on making it - trusting myself, so that I don't depend on others. Thank you again! Happy New Years!

#8 Jan 6 - 7AM (Reply to #12)

Hunter

Isabella B

Your recovering ..you're doing it.. You were sucked in.. But Guess what ? Now you are free..it takes time to process what you have ben through.. One day at a time.. Hunter

#9 Jan 6 - 12PM (Reply to #13)

Isabella B

Thanks Hunter

Thank you, Hunter. Your response was at the best time. I have dreaming about him and his kids the past two nights - one showed the kids playing nearby and I looked for him and they looked for me too. I avoided them, but they saw me and called for me (even calling me mama). I watched them, but kept wondering where their father was - I noticed he was elusive in my dream, hiding, and I kept alert and wondered what he was up to because the kids were by themselves. THEN, I kid you not, yesterday, the kids were playing in my friend's yard, which is right behind my house. I stayed inside and turned up the television so I wouldn't hear their voices, yells, or laughter. It hurt and struck a cord, but I told myself that they are not part of my life anymore and to stay away. I'm not in a tailspin, so I am stronger now, but this morning, when I sat to check email and such, this feeling - heavy and numb hit my stomach. Reading your words made me cry and I cry writing this because I'm afraid to repress those moments. I don't like that I start to feel my confidence, independence, and acceptance, and this stuff - the timing of these hoovers (hoover by proxy or what?) - happens. I'm getting up again, but the timing of all these situations really makes me wonder if he knows or feels when I am feeling strong again. I am going to continue though. How did I get so weak? I was with him for only 7-8 months! Thank you so much...

#10 Jan 6 - 3PM (Reply to #14)

Hunter

It's more like.. how did I

It's more like.. how did I get so smart? Smart enough to get the Hell out of there.. Hunter

#11 Dec 31 - 1PM

Tigerlily

Sweetheart, none of this is applicable!

Yeah he`s perverted, yeah, he`s an asshole, yeah, he`s not normal. Who cares. From the moment you decide you don`t want to be together with him, how perverted he is is no longer at issue. I`m glad you got away from him (Did you?). I`m glad you`re concentrating your energies on sources which DESERVE them - yourself and your child (ARE you?). I`m glad you saw the light, and got out. (Have you?). It is not enough to rave and rant over their behavior, we need to take consequences. It is not clear from your post whether ou are NC or not. I hope for your sake that you are. And irrespective of all this, I wish you Happy New Year, in the hope that 2012 will bring you better than 2011 did! Love Tigerlily

#12 Dec 31 - 11PM (Reply to #9)

Isabella B

We've been apart for nearly

We've been apart for nearly ten months, but NC has been a challenge because we worked together and lived only about 2000 feet apart! I'm not kidding - this has been such a bad situation, but I found out that he has resigned and will be moving to be with OW. My hope was that he move by this week, but he's still there. This man is cruel...he would do intense hoovers and the hostility and anger from him was so obvious and evident. The abuse after was horrendous...all mind games and most of it in stares, glares, walk-bys, drive-bys, and even break-ins. I guess the CD was still strong, and I just stopped trusting myself...I doubted myself and the brainwashing was so ingrained and it has taken reading Hunter's comments to validate or reaffirm my doubts and concerns. I am learning to trust myself. If I heard my child saying this stuff, I'd say GET OUT NOW!, but I doubt my own situation. I am rewiring my brain and it scares and frustrates me that it was so ingrained. I have been afraid in the past two weeks, even after I was doing better. I started up with my life again and so easily I fell so hard again into doubt and depression. I'm working on it.

#13 Dec 31 - 11AM

ruby01 (not verified)

Isabella B

"I believe different. I believe I'm GIVEN things and it's my job to take care of what I OWN." He was telling the truth.

#14 Dec 31 - 11AM

Isabella B

One more thing...

He watched me play with his three year old son. We wrestled on the bed and I tickled him and he laughed so much. Ex N watched and then laid next to me and said, "So, you know he'll be good looking when he gets older. He's a better looking image of me (meaning his son is not going to bald like him). Will you move on to him then? Will you get it on with him when he comes of age? I'll be an old man by then and my son may be the one to keep you satisfied." I was shocked and told him never to say it again. He said it another time and then, after both times, he said he was only kidding. Who kids like that? Isn't that inappropriate?

#15 Dec 31 - 11AM (Reply to #6)

needing2know

I would have asked him if he

I would have asked him if he was a child molester!

#16 Dec 31 - 11AM

needing2know

Up until about a year ago, he

Up until about a year ago, he showered with his now 10 yr old son, his 10 yr old still sleeps in the same bed with him, his other son who is 14 still wets the bed and his 15 yr old daughter is out of control , but runs that mans life and house hold. If she tells him to do something he jumps! I told him those kids are way out of line and they have a lot of psychological damage for sure! His 10 yr old use to tell everyone about the size of his fathers you know what, I just looked at him and said "are you kidding me" my ex said I guess I shouldn't shower with him anymore huh. I looked at him and said"ya think"! His daughter doesn't ask for things , she demands them! all his kids are that way. Even my own kids would tell me " dang mom they are so mean and ungrateful" They don't appreciate anything for sure.

#17 Dec 31 - 11AM (Reply to #2)

Isabella B

Whoa!

Oh my goodness! No kidding - that was starting with his family. The oldest daughter so demanding (at 5, now 6), the middle son (who I loved so much) getting out of control and now kicked out of daycare, and the youngest daughter, so sweet, but for how long? He'd jump and indulge the kids all the time and when I told him that I was raised to work and earn stuff and priviledges, he was offended that I said he over-indulged his kids. He did. He gave them what ever they wanted and even after the oldest one was blantantly rude and disrespectful towards me or others. When I was with the kids alone - whoa was it like boot camp because I'd tell them to be respectful to others and one another. Eventually, they started to calm down and then he D&D me. Reading your post tells me where the kids are going. The OW is ten years younger, never had kids, and she's taking on his 2,4,6 and him. The oldest daughter is her daddy's daughter - she'd get mad like him - silent treatment and hiding under covers. One friend of mine made a suggestion when I told him how the oldest daughter was so demanding and confrontational at then 5 - get her a muzzle. I still chuckle about it.

#18 Dec 31 - 11AM (Reply to #3)

needing2know

His kids get what they want

His kids get what they want when they want it regardless of price, and whatever he buys those kids his ex wife will go get the same thing! Him and his ex wife are always at each other about who is the better parent, they BOTH suck! Those kids run daddy's house and mommy's house! His daughter even hits her mother! Very disrespectful , very mean children! But the wierd thing is is when they were at my house, they never did that shit to me, they knew I didn't play that game, I don't let my kids do it to me and I sure as hell wouldn't let his do it. In 8 yrs all his kids will be grown and graduated and he will be alone.Even though the kids run his house they can't wait to get out.

#19 Dec 31 - 11AM (Reply to #4)

Isabella B

One of the times he was

One of the times he was angry, and he yelled at me - about how I had crushed him and let him down. He also said that he was afraid of being alone and that even the kids will leave and who will he have then. I remember thinking, "Me? We'll have each other." His kids and I were fine (except for oldest one now and then) when Ex N WAS NOT around. They were respectful and kind. His son would be comfortable with saying nice things and just opened up about his excitement about the natural world - then dad would come back and he'd start to act out. Sometimes I had the feeling the oldest daughter was his recorder (spy) when he wasn't around. A few of my family members noticed when they visited us because she watched everything we did and listened to everything we said. They'd tell me to send her outside to play with the other kids because she was too nosey. My brother said he didn't trust the way she watched everything and that maybe she told her dad what happened when he wasn't at home. I cannot imagine them when they hit that age (10 or more), and who out of control they'll be - because they already are getting out of hand. The four-year-old kicked out of daycare, and the oldest...she would wake often and walk in when we were having sex, or start crying in her room when we had sex. He flipped out once when her hand went up his leg and maybe brushed his crotch area. He jumped away from her and yelled, "DON"T EVER DO THAT AGAIN!" and he walked off. She sat with a confused and terrified look, so I pulled her aside and talked to her about touching people and private parts. He was angry at her and she was 5 years old. I figured - "Don't shower with her, and TALK to her about stuff, don't just yell and walk off." Ex N was also an only child.

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