weird stuff

15 posts / 0 new

#1 Sep 26 - 9AM

grossot

weird stuff

I just want to list out a few things that happened in my 12 year relationship with him that I can see now had Narcissism written all over it. But I wanted to see the good in him and perhaps the way he brought my self esteem down assisted in my failing to see his faults:

1) He told me he thought he deserved a better school than the one I went to

2) His wedding gift to me was a speech he said to me in front of all the guests at the reception about about how I made him so happy- I think he just wanted to hear his own voice

3) He NEVER got nervous or anxious about anything - job interviews, confrontation with others, tests, public speaking. In fact, he didn't understand why others did.

4) No filter. He didn't leave people alone. Would stay at there house and wear out his welcome even when the signs were all there that they wanted him to leave

5) Couldn't sit still. Unless he was sick or watching a movie. Had to be doing something all the the time.

6) His brother told him he was arrogant.

7)Magnified his symptoms when sick

8) In dire need of constant affirmation

9) Rages- even at his own mother

10) Seems to treat his own daughter as an object placed on earth to boost his ego

I would love to hear some of your after thoughts.

#2 Oct 3 - 8AM

Carolyn

They all have their

They all have their 'strange' ways. they don't always get cues like when to leave, what is appropriate, how to treat people. they are more difficult with females because they feel they are more defenseless. If something is going wrong it is the school they went to, the wife they married, they have no ability to connect their life with their actions. If you say something like, 'what you think about you bring about' they don't see that reality. they seem not to know that who they are creates an impression with others and effects how they are treated. they are not the masters of their own destiny but a victim that has 'things' happen to them.I guess this is why their lives fall apart in mid-life.

#3 Sep 26 - 7PM

lisad3366 (not verified)

12 Years and now I know

He was a gem. He is 6 years younger than me. Been together 12 years, now. We have a great Band together, live on an island (that I purchased for us with his Mother's down payment). Well, I made him promise no drugs, no heavy drinking when we met 12 years ago. He promised. Well, that all never happened! Coc right away and drinking etc....no matter how I begged him...he wouldn't stop. I fell back into the trap too. This has led to violent arguments - always MY FAULT ! I have had to call 911 on him 3 times. He finally has moved out of our home and into his Mom's condo (she doesn't live there,, it is for family emergencies...long story - local hospital convenience for her life situation). He is very sick right now (probably a flu of some sort) I brought him breakfast this morning at 8:30am, dropped it off and left - as he does not want me anywhere near his Mom's house....huh? Then he called me at 12:30pm to say he just woke up and wanted to say "hi". I called him at 5:30pm to say, "hey! is the Sox game on?" (trying to see if he is feeling any better etc...) He YELLED AT ME !!!!!!! , "I told you 3 times it is on at 4pm!". I said, "hon....I am just asking you for the first time...this is, Lisa..." Then I took a nap, while baking him a Lasagna. Called him at 7pm (knowing he is not feeling well) and he YELLED at me, "Stop calling me!" "Why is everyone calling me? Tis phone hasn't stopped wringing, first You, then my Sister, then my Mother...LEAVE ME ALONE !"" I guess I shouldn't deliver that lasagna to him? I swear to God, if I never called him EVER over the past 12 years...he'd forget I even exist. He never wantsa to be intimiate. He claims he has "no sex drive". He is 42. Ok, I am rambling...there are a million other things I could tell you all....but this is just today. He just flips personalities on me. It is like the harder he is to please, the harder I try.

#4 Sep 26 - 7PM (Reply to #13)

dolce (not verified)

Oh! I have a few ideas on

Oh! I have a few ideas on what to do with that lasagna! LOL ~Free to Be~

#5 Sep 26 - 6PM

dolce (not verified)

grossot

Sounds familiar. He always wore out his welcome. He thought he had a captive audience so he just went on and on. Poor hosts! It embarrassed me. Never nervous or anxious. Didnt you find this very odd? I did. He had this strange courage that I at first looked up to. Now I realize that he just didnt have a sense of consequence for his actions. See the difference? Need of constant attention. Oh man. It was exhausting. Really put me out more than a colicky baby. Really. Treats his own daughter like an object. I could go on forever here. I'll just say..yup! ~Free to Be~

#6 Sep 26 - 10AM

Chloe

I Forgot---how could I?

He also had an affair with his secretary which he denied the entire marriage(later only admitting it when drunk before his second marriage took place, because who the hell was I anymore?) But when he was having this affair (right after the birth of our child), it caused so much pain and anguish that I almost left him then. He knew the pain I was suffering. He ignored it and called me sick. Later, when he was promoted, with new job, new building, new secretary, I was thrilled to have her away from him---even though he denied, denied, denied. It wasn't two weeks after he started his new job, when I called his office to hear a very familiar voice on the other end of the phone---he had taken his secretary with him, without even a thought of my feelings and what it would do to our marriage. That's a pathological narcissist!

#7 Sep 27 - 11PM (Reply to #10)

candyshopdoll

I can relate...

My N did vthe same thing to me! Swore no affair. then when first chance he gets he applies for job near this female. A sort of great distress in our marriage. And he acts like nothing is wrong. I have been away from him NC for 5 months. It feels right. Even though I think of him everyday. I never want to relive my 2 years of sheer mental,emotional and physical hell.

#8 Sep 26 - 10AM

Chloe

It can get even weirder

*walked out on me in front of family and/or friends once I had the center of the conversation *Called me "sick" the entire 23 years of my marriage *When traveling on business, he refused to pay the cable and gas bill (to punish me for not taking over the bills), so when he left we (his family) had no television and/or hot water to shower. *Cancelled my credit cards without warning, so I would be humiliated in front of the sales clerk as I was denied. *Even when alone, if I expressed excitement about a story I wanted to tell him, he would roll his eyes, like I was simply stupid and say, "Get to the point, I'm a headline's guy and I don't like details!" *Never ever ever would wait in a line to go anywhere *When sick, he was dying---when I was sick, he totally ignored me *I am a migraine sufferer, when debilitated, he would come in the room and say, "Are you going to ruin another beautiful weekend?" *Later learned that when we were out with good friends and I was talking, he would be rolling his eyes behind my back, like I was an idot. *Undermined me in front of my sons in so many ways *Would lie to his family and friends about me *Changed the locks on the house when we separated and refused me my clothes for three years---throwing them in the dingy basement without protection (sons aware of this) *Called my place of employment and tried to tell them I was having an affair with a colleague, when I had a cup of coffee *Never once took on any responsibility for anything!!! And so much more---SO MUCH!!!But the point is---it's all weird!

#9 Sep 26 - 11PM (Reply to #7)

Marie

Chloe

Just curious about your migraines. Did you get them before you were with him? Now that you're no longer with him have they decreased? I've also suffered from migraines. I will get the occasional one but when I was still with my N I would get several a month. Not long after I began NC I noticed I hadn't suffered one in months. I'm sure he was the cause of many.

#10 Oct 3 - 8AM (Reply to #8)

Chloe

In response to your question--Marie

Hi Marie, Yes, while I was married I found myself with many migraines. When we split, I even got more, I believe it was the emotional stress, the exhaustion, the self-inflicted guilt, etc. While I tend to get them also from the barometric change in weather, the aftermath of abuse too played a role. It was my weak area. My headaches have decreased quite a bit. Chloe

#11 Sep 26 - 7PM (Reply to #6)

lisad3366 (not verified)

re: It can get even wierder

almost ditto on all you said ! I paid all bills for the first 10 1/2 years of our relationship. He finally got a full-time job. Put the mortgage in his name (as my credit was doomed from all thebills, equity advances, etc...) I believe he feels "ENTITLED". No empathy, sympathy, or a caring bone in his body unless HE needs something. I could go on forever. One more quick thing: I let him take my corporate credit card on his first Business trip (funny how they wouldn't give him one of thgeirs) When he came home, he brought me 2 souveneirs(spelling?) and he used my credit card to buy them.... Now get this.when his company reimbursed him for his expenses from that trip....he cashed the check (in HIS NAME) and bought coccaine!) I asked him 2 months later..."did you ever get reimbursed for my credit card?"... he said, "yes, but....well, I needed the money". HELLO?

#12 Sep 26 - 10AM (Reply to #2)

grossot

chloe

Chloe Those things not weird. They are horribly disgusting,gaslighting behaviors that he should have to pay for. But what I'm talking about is pretend guy. We were attracted to them at one time. What are things that happened to us before the d&d that were off but we chose not to see it? I'm so sorry that all that happened to you you deserved none of it. I can tell from reading your posts you are a strong person and will not accept any of his crap again. What is it with them locking us out and throwing our things away? We were doing all we could do to be the significant other they molded us into? ~Give a Narc an inch and they become the ruler~ nolongercontrolled

http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview

nolongercontrolled

#13 Sep 26 - 10AM (Reply to #3)

Chloe

Grossot

I have been in therapy for over seven years. I have confronted pathological narcissism head on. When I first started therapy, my wonderful brilliant therapist told me that it would take me one to two years to see things clearly--it took me exactly three---and even still learning or facing. But when I did see things VERY CLEARLY I wished for my rose colored glasses back. It was so very painful. Why did we choose these people? In my case, there was family history before "HIM." It was as though I had a very large sign on my back that read, "Looking for an abusive narcissist!" They seemed to flock around me in all different sizes, I even had a very good friend who too was narcissistic, but what did I know? I was the "care-taker," "the GIVER," The easy bait for these types of people. I was genuinely loving, caring, and giving---to a fault! Through my painful journey, playing the role of archeologist, I discovered the layers that kept me from developing a healthy self, because from the start, it was never about me, about my safety, about my healthy growth and development. I became the parent at the age of a child---a role placed on me by both parents. I was the go-between during my parent's volitile divorce. I can remember as a young woman, I didn't know if I was Pro-life or pro-choice, Democrat or Republican. I had become the projection of others, but somewhere (sub-consiously) always fighting my way OUT---I wanted to be reunited with myself. Who the hell was I? I could never have done this without therapy. Today, I am very strong and dealing with the possibility of my son having some of the traits of his father. It is painful, but because I am healthy, I handle it with a very healthy mind, and pray that with some of my makings, my son will prevail. I was a very nurturing mother, but it's not just nurture vs. nature, there is a biological component. So, like the narcissist, the victim who stays too long needs to investigate who they are and get reacquainted with that self. Since my "re-birth," after much anguish and acknowledgement, I have come to a nice place. I have a great job, a wonderful partner, and for the first time a sense of a healthy self.

#14 Sep 26 - 11PM (Reply to #4)

Barbara (not verified)

make a list ladies!

Make a list 2 columns Good Stuff he did vs. Bad Stuff he did Put it up on your bathroom mirror where you will see it multiple times a day leave it up for at least 6 months while you maintain TOTAL NC trust me, it will help ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.

#15 Sep 26 - 11PM (Reply to #5)

Marie

List

That's exactly what I did right before I broke up with mine or he broke up with me. He began NC right around the time I think he got the idea he was going to get the boot. Lists are great, constant reminders of all their misdeeds and bad feelings they create. I had a dating one ages ago after I broke up with my first N. It helped me walk away from a lot of bad eggs before I fell into the trap of trying to make things work. Just wish I had remembered my list when I got involved with this last N it sure would have saved me a lot of pain.

Path Forward Buy Now Reviews
All About Her Buy Now Reviews
All About Him Buy Now Reviews