Weird dreams

I have recently reinitiated NC and I kept having these strange, violent dreams.

I said in one of my previous posts here, that I thought, it might be my inner "Darkside" lurking, peeking to get out. But since, the dreams got more specific, and I end to believe it`s a bad energy that doesn`t belong to me.

In these dreams, all of them, the common point is that I am facing some big fears. Whether it`s creatures, monsters, stuff I`ve been afraid as a child, whether it`s my N mother, fighting to control me, or the Narc or somebody resembling him, turning into a demon.

I have been researching and reading over the semnifications on the Internet, even though I am not much of a believer in dreams or such. Maybe it is because I am at crossroads right now in my life, on my own, face to face with Life. And that itself is frightening, and may take the shape of my fears. I have read from somewhere, that the next time you dream running, or being chased by such a creature, you are anxious, afraid, stop running, and face that creature. Ask, "What does it want from you." That`s what I have been reading.

The next time I have dreamt, I was hearing and seeing my Narcboy from afar, with his group of palls. I was hearing his voice. I was away, standing behind something, and I remember it was all night, like in a movie.

I remember thinking for myself, "Even if he`s not good, and those people are not good, at least he belongs somewhere." Or something like that.

Then suddenly, I was somewhere up high, and I saw a boy coming in my direction. I was above, on some sort of staue and could see him coming. Then I came down, tried to talk something with him, he looked a litle bit like the Narc..I remember feeling vulnerable and small. And him knowing that. And suddenly he put his hand on my neck and wached me screaming. He was enjoying it. And then, I fought and broke free. I actually kicked him right in the *male spot*!

Then, I started to run and waching him back, he got very very angry ( You bitch!) I heard, and he started transforming into a demon-werewolf thing. Very angry and very fast.

Then was probably the moment when I realised "it" whatever the angry "thing" was behing me, was going to catch me. And I started running. It`s always like that, in all the dreams, except the creature changes, sometimes with somebody who holds great resentment towards me, or people who have traumatised me in the past.

Back to the dream, the creature still chasing me, when suddenly I remember what I have read, that if it`s a "part" of me that I am running from, then I have to stop and face it. And I stop. And the "Thing" is breathing heavily and surrounds me and stands in front of me, without moving. I can see clearly that it`s a demon, I try to stare it in the face, and scream loudly "What do you want from me?" "What are you".

He does not answer, but it`s clearly the point when I feel its desire to kill me, it breaths in front of me and I understand clearly that this "anger" it`s not from me, it`s from somewhere else.

Then I heard the voice of my mother (that even though is also a negative character usually in my dreams, but then with that thing in my face, her voice sounded like the sweetest sound in the world) "Greengirl, where are you, what are you doing again?"

It was enough of a distraction for me to run from the beast and hide somewhere (not too good though). And then I wake up. Then or even earlier, with that Thing breathing in my face.

It`s either a Killer searching me under the bed, and I know, I just KNOW he`s gonna find me. Or some creepy monsters and clowns I feared when I was a child. Again, I don`t know what are these all about, I have never had so many weird like frightening dreams, one after another nights in a row.

Maybe it`s because I am going through fears now and facing life on my own, but I feel it`s more than that. It is as if I`m receiving some sort of Bad energy vibes, and I feel this great fury building, pure raw anger, like in the dream I described. Which is definetly not coming from me.

Could it be that in some of these dreams, maybe warnings of my subcounscious, to see him (the Narc) with all his sides, not only the "charming Prince" face and mask? Including the cruelty, the raw anger, the sadism, the hate towards women, and me especially?

Who knows..

Thank you for listening!