The weird colleague

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#1 Nov 7 - 5AM
Dunlop's picture

The weird colleague

I have also had an encounter with a narcissistic woman.
I would like to share my story as a warning to others and to get it off my shoulders.

My story is much like Brewers.

I would like to share my experience with a colleague of mine.
Lets call her Louise.
Louise is a beautifull and pretty 40 year old woman. At that time i myself was 35.
There was something weird about Louise she seemed somehow angellike in appearance.
A beautifull sweet single mother that could do absolutely no harm to anyone.

It first started when we both got hired as teachers in the summer/fall 2014.
We both attended a party for the staff at the school, Louise wanted to dance with me except the music stopped and people were leaving so it did not lead to anything. I noticed however she got extremely angry, but she tried not to show it. She was often very tense and she seemed to be holding her anger in.
At a staff meeting in an auditorium, where i was sitting in the front, I turned around and our eyes met. Louise immediately began to give me more attention when i met her, she always smiled and greeted me. Except she started to look like a weird combination of the needy girlfriend
and Amy from the Kitchen Nightmares series.
Plus she hung up two pictures of her sons at her workplace.
I thought everything about her was just very awkward, so i tried to tone it down.
One day in february, she came to school looking like the white princess from Alice in Wonderland, with flowers in her hair and everything, to be honest I think she looked like an overdressed clown.
Now she began to ignore me completely, like i did not exist. I did not really put anything into it, just minded my own business. Looking back I think she got a new boyfriend/partner at this time.

After the summer holiday in the fall of 2015, she begang to give me attention again. This time she was way more modest and she did not seem so awkward, so she began to smile and greet me again. She seemed very flirty and she always noticed me.

In the fall we were both taking some educational courses together in a conference room at a nearby hotel. I saw several weird things, after these courses she was always arguing with someone by phone and she seemed really pissed off, like she was about to tear the car in pieces from the inside out.
This was also the only occation i got to talk to her, during lunch she sat opposit me. She was extremely boring to talk to. She wanted to control the conversation completely. Every time i diverted from the topic work, she immediately zoned out.

Then at a trip to Germany i told another female colleague about her and how Louise seemed to flirt me. My colleague told me that i must be mistaken because Louise already had a partner. It did not match up with me experience with her.
When we came home Louise began to be even more friendly and flirty. I tried to tone it down, now that i knew she had a partner, this made her angry. If i did not greet her the right way when i met her she would give me the silent treatment for a week. Now she was beginning to show a very creepy side of herself. I remember one time a the hotel she was complaining about another colleague she meant was out to get her. We were five people listening to all her complaining. The weird thing was after she had been complaining she almost immediately became very haughty.

When i got home i sent her an email to cheer her up and tell her that i would be looking after her. She immediately began to be more friendly. I however felt like I had made the worst mistake of my life.
Two days later i saw same colleague pad Louise on the shoulder with a big smile. Just like they were best friends.
It was all very wrong to me.

Now the cold/hot treatment started. It was like I was on the Cesar Milan show the Dog Whisperer and i was learning to be ”calm and submissive” When i did something good i got a friendly smile and a hi, when not i got the silent treatment and it was NOT accidental.
One time i was talking to a colleague and some of my students so I did not greet back, this gave me almost two weeks of silent treatment. It was pure punishment.

I talked to my female collague again about Louise and my colleague said that i must be mistaken and that i was about to look like a pathetic idiot suffering from unrequited love. My colleague however did also go to Louise to tell me about my how i felt. Louise replied that she had a partner and she was only friendly and a good colleague and she hoped everything between us would not be awkward. Its just 40 other female colleagues know how to be friendly and a good colleague, she is the only one that does not. However Louise also tuned her attention/dog training towards me up.

Now it was like she was monitoring my every step and giving me a friendly greet or the silent treatment, acording to me. Now i was going crazy, I was about to puke when i walked around the school.

If she was not interested why did she give me more attention, especially now? Any sane woman would have backed down.

Every time i would talk to her or give her attention she became more and more sweet towards me.
She on the other side would never walk over to me or try to take our relationsship further. This annoyed me immensely. i was also very hestitent because i knew she had a partner.

In the middle of noevember i got fired, then i started to roam the internet for information on her behaviour. When I heard of NPD everything made sense. I could immediately wing off eight out of nine criteria for NPD froms the DSM IV.
About two weeks og sitting at home, after i got fired the fog cleared and i got extremely angry. Why was this woman leading me on, but not going anywhere?
I was just so sick and tired of her.

I must confess that i stalked her facebook page, which frightened me quite a lot. I have never seen a picture of her smiling. I saw one picture of her sons, he was showing clear signs of distress.
It was so surreal why who anyone post pictures of their own children unhappy?

When i came to clear my desk in the beginning of december, she was looking at me like a sad little puppy craving for attention. I just ignored her.

Three weeks later I was attending the christmas party to say goodbye to my colleagues. I first saw her in the afternoon, where she gave me a really stiff awkward look. I think this is what is called the death stare.
At dinner in the evening Louise again stared at me like a little puppy and i think she was trying to meet me at the buffet. I gave her the Sigourney Weaver, Aliens look: Get away from me bitch” she immediately went over to some of my female colleagues and smeared me to them: I was pathetic for coming onto a a woman with a partner. She just forgot to tell them how she started it all.
I have not heard or seen anything of her since. I hightly doubt i ever will. No hoovering or anything.
I will definitely not contact her.

Till this day I have no idea what she was trying to do.
Was she punishing me for turning her down the first time?
Was i some kind of narcissistic supply snack when the partner did not give her enough attention?
Where she trying to make me her new boyfriend/partner?
I honestly have no idea.

I would have been happy to leave her alone with her boyfriend/partner but she was the one that intiated everything.

She also had this weird knowledge about who at the scholl was single and who was dating.
It was weird because she did´nt really have any friends among her colleagues. People were talking to me about her (without me mentioning her) that she was weird and not very social.

I have also heard there should be lovebombing phase with lots of pornosex, but I have not seen anything about that.
I guess it would also include a lot of self-loathing.

Everybody I have talked to about her have all said that i have dodged a major bullet, but like everything about her I am very much in doubt.
It is like I am left with more questions than answers.

The only thing i really do miss is i would to have seen her go really batshit crazy and freak out, so i could say, yep she really is batshit crazy and get her out of my mind.

I think she has been a very good vaccination against toxic people, and i don´t think i will ever run into someone like this again.

Jan 10 - 8AM
lisajune's picture

Well, you can try sharing

Dec 15 - 1AM
Watson's picture

The weird colleague

Nov 23 - 1AM
martinarron's picture

I like our weird work colleague