Wedding

18 posts / 0 new

#1 Mar 10 - 12PM

ewa

Wedding

So i have found out that my exN's wedding is scheduled. We have been 3 years together and he is planning to marry her after 9 months of the relationship.
I know he is a person who did hurt me so much, I know she is his next victim. The girl has a kid and the kid is what he always wanted - this is at least what he says. This is going to be (from my information) his first marriage in his 44 years long life.
I have been no contact with him longest 2 months, i was the person who was constantly breaking this no contact. Now i wish i did not know about the marriage at all.
Why does it hurt so much? Why? I have broken up with him over a year ago because of his cheating.
Is he going to be now a perfect husband and father? Why do i start to belive that it actually can happen?
I hate myself for this :( I hate myself for thinking of him every single day. I hate myself for not being able to forgive him and whish him and her all the best :(

#2 Mar 11 - 6AM

strongerthanever

I am so sorry. I know exactly

I am so sorry. I know exactly how you feel. My exN married his next victim (he was 42 yrs old and first marriage for him and her 28 with 2 girls younger than 7 and 6 months out of her divorce) only after 8 months of dating, proposed 6 months into the relationship. That hurt when he asked me 2 times in our 3 yrs together. But, I think he was starting a "friendship" with her while he was still with me, liked her, and was waiting to lock down that supply but, I was being tested for cancer so...he had to hang around a little longer. I don't think my exN will be any different in his marriage as he was with me. The same month of their marriage, he quit teaching after 10 yrs. He did that with me during the last 6 months together but, his sons mother took him back to court and got child support increased. That forced him back into teaching and that is where he met his young wife. So, he found someone to go along with him quitting teaching and trying to find a job he would like. He stayed in college a lot longer than anyone because he could not decide on what he wanted to do. When he finally did, he was in that job 1 or 2 yrs and quit. Went back to school to be a teacher, what his gf at that time was. Same patterns. He did nothing to work on himself or change. He thought change was to get away from me (I made him unhappy - whatever - I wonder why I was so unhappy which made him unhappy), I caught him in all lies and cheating, get back in his depression medication, get a new girl, waterfront apartment with her, new car, new job, new step kids. See the pattern? "NEW" He is addicted to "NEW" and when he gets bored, the cycle will start. Same as your guy. I still can't believe he married someone else but the more I read about Narcs and Borderline Personality Disorder, I thank God every day for removing him out of my son and I's life to make room for a guy that his HONEST, LOYAL, TRUSTWORTHY, AND TRULY LOVE. The same as me. I deserve it and so do you.

#3 Mar 11 - 7AM (Reply to #17)

ewa

Yes i see the pattern. Mine

Yes i see the pattern. Mine told me once or twice that sometimes we need to move on and leave everything behind. Yese exactly as you said move on to sth new. Mine did it before, he usually changes the country, city , job and gf and it makes him feel better. When i have asked him if he miss the city we were living together and where he was living for 7 years, he said : well, i had to move on. So it was not first time in his life. Oh, and mine also is only dating younger women.

#4 Mar 11 - 6AM

jen79

ewa

so sorry for you, I know how you feel, mine went back to his ex, but guess what, he did the same thing to her again, cheating and lies. They dont change, they maybe try, but it will never go away this inner demon they have. And sooner or later it will come out again. He will not become prince charming over night. Look at us, we are normal people, and see how long it takes US to make a real change in our life. It is hard work. And they never change through love, they only change, if ever, when they had a major narcissistic injury, and nothing else in their lifes works anymore.

#5 Mar 11 - 6AM

Happy1

EWA

I'm sorry you found out he is marrying and can understand how much it hurts to know. It's hard I know but you said yourself that she's the next victim and she truly is. I strongly believe they get worse with each person they are with. Big Hugs today! Happy

#6 Mar 11 - 6AM (Reply to #14)

ewa

Thanks Happy, i have found

Thanks Happy, i have found out yesterday and it was hard for me to think about anything else before going to sleep, but i will do my best not to know anything more. I should be happy that he has his new good supply :)

#7 Mar 11 - 5AM

spinning

ewa, dear heart,

you should LOVE yourself for seeing this disordered one's ways a year ago and breaking up with him. You should LOVE yourself for knowing that you did not want to be with someone like that. Please LOVE yourself for knowing that you have to move on and that you are here willing to get the help to do so. Love yourself for your ability to be happy. He will ALWAYS be the SAME. He will create chaos and destruction wherever he goes. You will move on and in his wake will be steaming piles of trash of which PRECIOUS YOU will not be a part of. Yuck! You don't NEED ANY OF IT! You already know what the outcome will be. Hugs to you and sending the good vibes. sincerely (slowing down a bit from) spinning

spinning

#8 Mar 11 - 5AM (Reply to #12)

ewa

Dear Spinning, thats really

Dear Spinning, thats really nice what you wrote. It really helps. I think the problem is that i do not love myself enough otherwise i would be free long time ago. I would love to change it so much it is the only dream i have, to be able to love myself and trust again. So you are 100% right i should love myself, i will start from looking at the reasons you gave me. Thanks for the positive vibes :) Hugs!

#9 Mar 10 - 10PM

fooled no longer

Narcs always bring

Narcs always bring destruction wherever they go, thats a fact. Be glad hes not marrying you, and this women will see and feel that destruction sooner or later, feel sad for her. YOU ARE FREE!

#10 Mar 11 - 2AM (Reply to #7)

agnesmurphy17

Yup!

I married my Prince Charming after six months of dating. The woman who preceded me had been around for three years. The woman who followed me (the day I left) was the love of his life immediately & was given a cheap ring. That relationship was over in ten months. Over before he & I were divorced. Yours is getting married finally because this young woman is useful. If she doesn't have money she's useful for sex, domestic & secretarial services, and maybe he wants a baby for some reason. He thinks he's in control of her. He will cheat on her, lie to her, & hurt her. Another woman going to the slaughter. And the real tragedy is that we all happily sign up for abuse & facilitate the abuse.

#11 Mar 11 - 6AM (Reply to #10)

Damaged Goods

My husband has also found the

My husband has also found the love of his life after just two weeks of leaving me. I'm sure he has already proposed and we aren't even divorced yet.She will be wife number 6. He married me just days after his divorce was final from wife number 4.

#12 Mar 11 - 4AM (Reply to #9)

Trulybroken

"He will cheat on her, lie to

"He will cheat on her, lie to her, & hurt her. Another woman going to the slaughter. And the real tragedy is that we all happily sign up for abuse & facilitate the abuse" POWERFUL words! This really makes one think. Love this!

#13 Mar 11 - 2AM (Reply to #8)

ewa

Agnes

Yes, right he will hurt her, he can be very charming but in the end of the day she will suffer. He does his abuse in very "secret" and "gentle" way, for a long time i did not realized i was actually abused. He did not shout, or phisically abused me, he was using the silent treatment only. I can not really understand what is the reason for wich this girl decided to plan marriage with him after such a short time..but this shouldnt be important for me. I blame myself that when i found out about the marriage my brain totaly switched to the different mode. I wanted to stop thinking of it, but i couldn't. I felt like a year ago when we were braking up. Today I am better. I think also thanks to reading the message from you guys :). I still can not belive that this wedding plan of his could hit me so badly!

#14 Mar 10 - 1PM

Hunter

Please, I shed a tear today,

Please, I shed a tear today, I'm better now. Get it together! He won't be happy! I bet you he ends up not going thru with the wedding! Mark you calendar, I'd love to know if the make it to the alter! Look at the shit you put up with for some crumbs! Would you want this guy 20 yrs from now? NO, This Chick is going to have Big problems if she says I do! Better her than you! I promise each day will get better! Hugs Idealk

#15 Mar 10 - 9PM (Reply to #2)

ewa

Thank you idealk9NYC, you are

Thank you idealk9NYC, you are right it is better for me if it is her. I never wanted to marry him, as i always felt something is not right. However i think he will go thru the wedding. He had the wedding plans in the relationship which he had before me and in the end it did now work out, so now probably he will do his best so it does work out. I do not know the exact date of the wedding and i do not want to know it. All i wish for myself to have this strenght to go totally NC including looking at his FB page. I do know it is best for me however i still struggle to stop looking at it :(. Its all my foult that i tourture myself, like it was all my foult that i kept forgiving him and staied with him for 3 years!

#16 Mar 10 - 10PM (Reply to #3)

michele115 (not verified)

EWA

I just want to say something and I was talking to a friend about this today...yes, fairytales CAN come true but rarely do they involve a narc...thats #1. Number 2: You seem like a rational woman...would YOU find yourself walking down the aisle after NINE months of courtship in THIS DAY AND AGE? I am presuming you'd say NO... Now without getting into how long is "reasonable" when you think about getting married, it is allegedly a "lifelong" commitment? For me...gosh...I think in this day and age you really have to be conservative before running down the aisle...yea, it's fun and romantic to get all dolled up, hair did, white dress, honeymoon all that good stuff but that isn't what it's about... It's about willing to wipe his behind on a daily basis if he ever became paralyzed... It's about willing to stay committed if he were ever in a situation where he could no longer have sex for whatever reason... It is about still finding that love and compassion should he ever suffer a traumatic brain injury and can't recognize you most days and constantly yells at you because for some reason you remind him in all your beauty and charm of his gulf war vet buddy back when they were fighting the war... A lot of the bullshit people think is love...they have NO CLUE...love is work, and a lot if it ain't all that damn romantic...it's a choice...and honestly...It gets damn boring too! So...now that we know this...the reality of it...little miss priss is going to prance down the aisle with Mr. Narc...who we know has sold her a fraudulent bill of goods...and little miss obviously BRAIN DAMAGED miss priss thinks she's got the whole enchilada WITH the guacamole and sour cream on the side...YEA...sure! You know what...to me, sounds like they're BOTH disordered!!! The honeymoon period is what...six months...they've been together for nine so ALLEGEDLY she's gotten to know his warts in three months post "honeymoon stage".... EWA...get a grip...they're both acting like jackasses!! Seriously...I mean c'mon...how Stoooooopid!!! Ewa, I don't mean to hurt you at all...but look at the reality...it's like when Narcboy tried to tell me he was "in love with me but loved the other chick"...the other chick he replaced me with within weeks if not days? c'mon these guys are chumps bar none and I hate to say it but some of them might be hiding a lot more and I'm not going to get into great detail but read my story and you'll catch my hint...when they rush like that...a lot to the 'Image" needs "emergency protection" Ewa, dust the dirt off your shoulder and keep healing, keep striving and keep moving forward... If you are going to engage in a relationship you want the real thing...this man was not qualified, nor was the dysfunction we have all come to call our past/present relationships...that's why we're all here. Yes, have a toast to THEM...and bless them both...in fact, send a damn gift because her marrying him just did you a HUUUUUUUGE favor because legally now...she'll be HIS victim...which as a woman is tragic but if she doesn't have enough common sense on her own...she'll land here one day and we'll all be here to patch her up. Hugs!

#17 Mar 10 - 11PM (Reply to #4)

ewa

Michele115 thank you, your

Michele115 thank you, your words made me feel so much better. You are totally right with the description of Love. I did not know that they honeymoon is six months, but if this is truth in their case it can be extended as for the first 5 months it was mainly long distance relationship for them. I don't want to call her disordered, then i would have to call like this myself :/ Hugs!

#18 Mar 11 - 7AM (Reply to #5)

michele115 (not verified)

EWA

I don't want to call her disordered, then i would have to call like this myself :/ No dear you wouldn't...you were not rushing down the aisle so quickly...something was telling you hold off...

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