This website SAVED me!!!

I am a new member, FUMB. My screen name is stands for F*(& YOU, MB (his initials). I actually giggle when I sign in using that screen name.

Since the day after Thanksgiving until 2 days ago when I found this site I was a wreck. A total, complete, train wreck. Depressed, frustrated, sad, angry, lost, confused, self-loathing, etc. See, before I found this site I just thought my ex was high energy and dramatic and really stressed. I kept making excuses for him...

Some background. Well, he's a cop. We met when he came to my house to take a police report for a totally unrelated matter. Thought he was cute, that's it. He followed up with me over and over, found me on facebook, started IMing me, flirting with me- PURSUING ME. He really wasn't my type, in fact... he was nothing special. He was "ending his marriage" and, honestly, I was recently divorced and looking for a rebound guy. At first he literally seemed obsessed with me (anyone else have this experience???) where I did feel a little weird about it... but he was all "it's fate that we met", "you're too good to be true", "we have such undeniable chemistry", "you're amzing", blah blah blah. What started as a fling... well, I became swept up in it. It was like an addiction for me. So, the pattern was we would have an AMAZING night, then literally the next day he would break up with me!!! (Say he needs to work on his marriage "for the kids"). This happened multiple times. You know when a dog has a chew toy in his mouth and violently shakes his head back and forth?... I told him I felt like the toy! But alas... everytime he broke up with me I BELIEVED HIM THAT HE WANTED TO FOCUS ON HIS MARRIGE, and so at one point I joined match.com for the sole purpose of getting N off my mind and out of my system-this was in the beginning and he had told me that there was no way we could be together. Well, I was honest with him that I joined match.com so that i could get over him and move on with my life and HE BLEW A GASKET. To say he was a jealous person would be an understatement. So, not even realizing he was an N, I was kind of playing hardball with him. Eventually, he moved into his own apartment, and I'm thinking, wow, now we can spend more time together-- wrong! That's the point where the relationship started to completely unravel.

Other stuff he did-- made up grossly exaggerated stories of being a war veteren - he later told me that he made it up to impress me! If we were on the phone and I got another call that I had to take- he'd get furious with me. He even told me once that other than my work and my daughter he is my priority and it has to be that way. I could NEVER have a rational conversation with him. He turned everything into something I did and I'd be so confused as to what I did and when I'd ask him.. he'd say "you never take responsibility for your actions. your selfish, manipulitive, etc". All things that HE was!!!! It was the day after Thanksgiving (he spent it with me and met my family for the first time) that was truly the beginning of the end. So, it was a milestone in our relationship- he spends holiday with me and meets my family. Sure enough the next day things blow up. I get the silent treatment and I HAD NO IDEA WHAT I DID!!!! I was sick to my stomach and my emotions were out of control. I'd call him crying, begging him to talk this out - he'd say he hasn't had time to think about it. LIterlly, I couldn't eat and I was drinking wine to put myself to sleep!!! How pathetic, I know. So, he cut me off. But, I knew better- there's no way he could cut me off like that when it was almost like he was addicted to me. I figured he was going to bars with his friends to meet girls... Nope...he tells me a couple days later that HE JOINED MATCH.COM!!! It's probably like a playground for an N!!! I was devastated bc I didn't even know what had happened with us and I thought we were still cooling off and going to talk at some point. He wasn't answering my calls and then he'd text me at like 2 in the morning. I later figured out that he was probably going out with girls he met online and then texting me when he got home! I was floored. Here was a guy who was my boyfriend and overnight her turned into this complete, total ahole!!! Right before Christmas he took me out on this fabulous date- told me how amazing I was, how beautiful, etc. Bam- the next day HUGE fight! Of course that he's blaming me for. My head is spinning bc I just don't understand this guy. He did and said some horrible things to me, got very verbally abusive. Well, I fought back (sometimes) and this infuriated him. I mean RAGE. I eventually tell him if he chooses to stay on match.com and see other women, that I cannot be intimate with him. This was via text... well, guess that pissed him off real bad bc that's when another silent treatment started. And I begged to know what I did, and I started apologizing to him!!!!! WTF! (forgot to tell you that he had told me that he had cheated on his wife on several occasions- when i asked why- he said bc he wanted to know "he still had it", "he was still desirable to other women".) So, it was almost like he planned this huge blow out right before christmas and new years so he didn't have to be with me. And he wasn't with me. I texted him asking if he hated me... he said that if he has to hate me to "get over this" then that's what he'll do. I felt guilty, like I did something wrong. I was just a mess- I have a boyfriend (had) who I didn't even spend the holidays with. I couldn't function- it was like I was the addict and I couldn't get my fix and it was unbearable. Then I googled "narcissist" bc I suspected he had some N tendencies... then I found THIS site and I became obsessed with learning about NPD. This was it.... this was HIM. It wasn't me. I was the victim. I actuallly felt better bc now it at least made sense- his behaviors. He owed me some money and at first I told him to forget about it, then I thought about it and I wanted it back!!! He was so mean to me, why should I let him walk away without paying me back. He texted me "fine, i'll drop off the money... if that's what it will take for you to leave me alone". I mean this was a guy who had been enamored with me... over the top complimentary, etc. And now he was saying things like "go f yourself", "leave me the f alone". He dropped off the money the other night. Afterward (ok here is where I need all of your expert analyses) I sent him a final text telling him that he had NPD and that he should look it up... that he was always going to be a liar, cheater, manipulative, immature, angry, etc. and that, unfortunately, there is no treatment for the disorder! i told him i felt sorry for his next victim. This was yesterday ealy morning. I called him out on NPD!!! I really don't think I will ever hear from him again. I exposed him and I am DISGUSTED that I was part of this dysfunctional relationship. Oh-- and I noticed that TODAY he has been on match.com almost the ENTIRE DAY (you can tell when someone is online). So, he's out trolling for his next victims (and i'm sure he already has a few stock piled). Finding this website made it all make sense, took the guilt off me, altho now I just feel dirty, used, manipulated. But, it's like Ns are not even human! I think they are stepford wife-ish. that scares me!!! Anyway, he dragged me around for nine months. I hope i don't hear from him. Fingers crossed. And THANK YOU LISA!!!!!!!!!!!!