1. Home
  2. Forums
  3. Narcissist Forums
  4. The Path Forward Forum
  5. As we move on

As we move on

22 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Oct 28 - 4PM
Anonymous (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

As we move on

For the first time I told a dear friend of my experience, and I have to tell you her mouth was almost on the floor. We dont find it as shocking because we have lived through the ordeal and educated ourselves but I guess I just want to remind everyone as we work through what we experienced that what we survived was a FAR CRY from anything close to NORMAL, even though we realize that I think at times we are very hard on ourselves for not progressing and moving on faster, it was nothing short of pure sickness, tears were coming down my friends face as I told her she said it sounded like something from a movie that it seemed so unreal. Interesting enough she had always thought of psychopaths as killers, never knowing how the ones outside of prison operated, her words, Oh Cynthia he is a very sick disturbed man I am so sorry he crossed your path. So to all of you just a reminder when you are having a bad day, this is no easy road and not for the weak, and even if you are aware of that I just want to tell you again and again and again you are all wonderful, we cant tell each other that enough, we help each other dry our tears, and we try and talk sense into each other, but we really are VERY VERY SPECIAL, and extraordinary individuals in more ways than I think we give ourselves credit for. Through all our doubt, and sense of self we always must remember this is what THEY did to US, but only temporarily, we are the best, the strongest and by far the most precious GEMS.

Oct 28 - 8PM
grossot
grossot's picture

Thank You Cynthia

That was just what I needed to hear. I totally understand as I'm sure we all do on this board. Thank you. If it wasn't for this message board I would be in a world of hurt. Knowing that other people have 'been there' help me realize I'm not making too much of it. Narcs hurt people....a lot. I have to do everything I can to educate myself on what happened and focus on moving foreward. YOU TELL LIES LIKE A CHILD SPEAKS THE TRUTH SO GOOD YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW ~LISA SCOTT~(go to music tab) nolongercontrolled

http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview

nolongercontrolled

Oct 28 - 6PM
tina
tina's picture

cynthia

Amen. There is no easy road but we can do this, I know we can. Thank you for saying it again.
Oct 28 - 4PM
Rose-Marie (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Validation

I had some validation today as well. I tend not to overload my friend with information as she just doesn't "get it" but always comes up with some reason or another why the XN is as he is. I did tell her today that he seemed to have a real issue with perceived criticism and could not tolerate personal criticism of any sort. She thought for a moment and then said "that sounds like some sort of personality disorder." Eureka - it was the first time she mentioned it. Rosy
Oct 28 - 4PM
Hangman11
Hangman11's picture

So True Cynthia

Thanks so much for that reminder. It does take time huh? I had lunch with a friend over the weekend and she was so encouraging after listening to my story, she told me of her brief marriage to a bi-polar/N and boy did she relate to what I've been through! I am so glad someone is there to tell me I "look FANTASTIC, now that I am FREE!" I beat myself up for having married after red flags the first year and staying in it for two, but your posts reminds me that I should look FORWARD and not BACK! We all need the support and "empathy" that we SURELY did not get from them. Cheerio!
Oct 28 - 6PM (Reply to #2)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

cynthia

I got kicked from TWO boards - supposedly for Victims of Narcissists - by moderators telling me: 1. I MUST be making it up - nothing that bad could have REALLY happened 2. I needed to concentrate on meeting someone new... that would take my mind off it. SHEESH!! And of course, I wasn't the only one kicked off. I just learned unless you have dealt with a TRUE pathological - you will never GET IT. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Abuse Information Site Online Coaching & Help
Oct 28 - 7PM (Reply to #3)
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

MOST OTHERS NEVER GET IT

unless you have dealt with a TRUE pathological - you will never GET IT. I MUST be making it up - nothing that bad could have REALLY happened. And that is exactly why I have gravitated to this site, most people say, oh you were just fooled, or taken or he was your typical playboy, and you got your heart broken. I would like to just spit in their faces. Then you hear well now that you know he is a wack job you can just put it behind you and move on. PLAYBOY? I have had my share of them, and none of them came close to what this man did, NOT EVEN CLOSE. No ladies and a few gents on the board this was no ordinary con, this was diabolical and calculated, this was not your typical love em and leave em, this was not your typical f--k em and leave em either (pardon my vulgarity) Firstly because they never loved you because they cant and secondly they never left you because they were never with you to begin with, there was never any connection with them in any shape or form not sexually, emotionally, NOTHING. I learned too its a waste of time and almost unfair to close friends to understand the experience, I dont blame my friends for this because if I were in their shoes I would probably react the same way. Thank God we have the education and research to help us in our understanding and the resources to guide us. It would be like trying to imagine what it would be like to lose a child, unless you have suffered such a trauma you would never truly realize what it would entail, I cant expect my close friends to fully grasp an encounter with a pathological but they have certainly always been there when I have self doubts and thats all I can ask for
Oct 28 - 9PM (Reply to #7)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

Does anyone ever feel this way

This may sound strange, but do you ever feel your pathological N abused you physically in such a way, to keep you manipulated and thinking about them sexually,,to a perverted extreme? I mean to just the strangest most possessed level, where you feel like they make you want to go out of control? I am not out of control,,but feel my pathological N wanted me to be posessed by him, thoughts of him, physically attracted to him in a sick way,, over the top sexual. Like a physical attachment or something they want to create inside of you that you cannot let go of. Does anyone know what I am talking about? For example, the OW he was involved with said she would wake up in the middle of the night, dreaming of him trying to alure her constantly. My N would make extreme advances on me all the time, at the most inappropriate situations, almost like a hypnotic control. He knew what he was doing to my internal wiring, to f me up,,
Oct 28 - 11PM (Reply to #17)
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Amazed- I know exactly what

Amazed- I know exactly what you are talking about. He used to say I really touched him in away no other woman had...excited him like no other...he felt so comfortable around me ..wasnt shy at all. I do feel like they physical part of our relationship is what held us together....when we were in person together we didnt fight as often...we got along very well. There was nothing like falling asleep in his arms, BUT he made sure I did not forget this ever....when we were just friends he would often bring up how he wanted to fix the pillow for me...and how he missed being in my arms. these days that is the feeling I miss the most...and I think it is because he kept stating it over and over again. “It's not hard to find the truth. What is hard is not to run away from it once you have found it.”
Oct 29 - 6AM (Reply to #18)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

hypnosis

I think it is because he kept stating it over and over again Just like any controlling hypnotist would. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Abuse Information Site Online Coaching & Help
Oct 28 - 9PM (Reply to #15)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

yes

yes. WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS points out why & how this is. The hormonal manipulation. I felt sexually superglued to Psycho-Boy for a couple years after the trauma. I was disgusted with myself. In WWLP says one victim had to get treatment for sex addiction after her Psychopath left... and she was never a sex addict before. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Abuse Information Site Online Coaching & Help
Oct 28 - 10PM (Reply to #16)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

On purpose

It is as if he was doing this on purpose, to keep me superglued,,,great way to put it. It is important to be up on this and in control. Free of their evil, yes evil, ways.
Oct 28 - 9PM (Reply to #8)
Hoping2Heal (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Amazed....

Absolutely I think they do this! Mine definitely did and I do have some physical attachment to him that I cant let go of. After all he's done to me....physical abuse, emotional, verbal and to my kids....and I still look at him and melt. I still feel like he is the hottest sexiest man I have ever laid eyes on. God, I hope this changes!
Oct 28 - 9PM (Reply to #9)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

Hoping2Heal

Was he way over the top with you? Does that have something to do with it? Like did he just hound you with love, attention, at the most complete level?
Oct 28 - 10PM (Reply to #11)
Hoping2Heal (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Amazed

Yes he was defnitely over the top. I got notes morning before he left for work. I love you, smile beautiful, cant wait to see you tonight, think about me, i'll miss you today etc.. flowers, gifts, trips, airplane rides, surprise vacations, not to mention we took baths together everynight. We were huggy touchy affectionate ALL time. I miss that the most. Just laying on his chest. All the sexual stuff was wonderful unless he was drunk and then he'd rip my clothes off no matter where we were or who was there. I have read about love bombing. Other than that I have no idea how he did this to me. I'm not a sex addict, but sooo could be with him. Maybe thats when I felt the closest to him and knew I had all his attention? I dont know!
Oct 28 - 10PM (Reply to #12)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

OMG Hoping2Heal!!!!

Ditto here, yes,,,,the notes before work, on the way to work, the middle of the day, can't wait to see you (most guys never say all that,,,right!!) I will miss you,,the closeness, the intense bonding, the hugging that felt so INCREDIBLY right. His passionate advances, like he was on the tilt of explosions. He did something intense to you,,I am trying to understand it. It is beyond complete infatuation,,,right? Yeah, the clothes coming off at the most inappropriate times,,,was that not manipulation, but yet knowing that someday,,all his advances,,would serve to hurt you??? WTF
Oct 28 - 11PM (Reply to #14)
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I know what you are saying

Love Bombing sounds right as Barbara stated, I also felt that while with him, when we were in bed it felt as secure and warm as if I had been with this man all my life, it felt comfortable and I never wanted to leave, but I am sure that is how he wanted to make me feel so I would come back for more, its probably the only thing they can truly fake that even comes close to feeling loved by them, there were moments that seemed liked profound bonding with him like none I ever experienced before, but it was I that was bonded to him, he would have let me hold him all night if I wanted to, he would always say I am so relaxed with you, but they can also just let you go and think nothing of it and in an instant turn into a monster, I think I will call it trauma bonding on my part because in a way maybe I needed to just pretend he loved me to get over what he did to me, ?
Oct 28 - 10PM (Reply to #13)
Hoping2Heal (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Amazed...

were you dating my husband?? lol I had never felt more loved, adored, spoiled, cherished and wanted. But he could have a "change of heart" in an instant. For example.. I went out of town for weekend on March 6. He put a pair of his uwear in my bag and a note that said "I love you, I miss you already, think about me while youre gone" That was a friday. I came home Sunday and he was alll over me. Monday he started acting distant and on Thur he told me he didnt know how he felt about me. He literally did not say ONE word to me for 2 weeks then he said we need to talk. I said ok and he said "this isnt going to work. I'm not cut out for marriage" WTF?? We've been split ever since. less than 2 weeks before the D&D he surprised me with a plane ride over the river at sunset. A moth before that we were at a bed and breakfast on the beach in Destin all the pics we were kissing, hugging etc.. I cant even comprehend it all. It happened so fast. I dont think he's finished with me yet. He'll come back with a sob story in a few months. Just keep reading and lets see if I am right!
Oct 28 - 10PM (Reply to #10)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

love bombing

that's called LOVE BOMBING Cults & predators use it to lure & lock in their victims: http://www.enpsychopedia.org/index.php/Love_Bombing http://howtospotadangerousman.blogspot.com/2008/01/am-i-under-his-spell.html Narcs and socio/psychopaths use it too. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Abuse Information Site Online Coaching & Help
Oct 28 - 9PM (Reply to #4)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

It is a Trauma of the Strangest Kind

I have told only a couple people of what I have been through, and their reaction was the same 'sounds like it was from the movies or something,,go slash his tires" It is the most spellbinding experience, on the weirdest level most people cannot understand.
Oct 28 - 9PM (Reply to #5)
grossot
grossot's picture

amazed

I would venture to say yes. Although I've learned my memory has blocked out a lot of things, I have had some night terrors and flashbacks that are very scary. In one dream I am stuck with him in a bathtub naked terrified and excited simultaneously and trying to yell for help. In anothother (a terror) his presence makes its way around my bed. I wake up just before he kisses me. I'm sweating and scared to death. Again I'm trying to yell for help. Interesting... YOU TELL LIES LIKE A CHILD SPEAKS THE TRUTH SO GOOD YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW ~LISA SCOTT~(go to music tab) nolongercontrolled

http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview

nolongercontrolled

Oct 28 - 9PM (Reply to #6)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

grossot

Like he had you so stimulated in some way, yet so fearful in another respect! and you knew it was something that was almost aimed to do you in,,,and your plea for help... their predatory nature is so strong, and consuming. It is difficult to break free, because it is as if they have penetrated something within you intentionally to get this deep attachment and attraction. Do you feel good to be beyond his lies? And that your knowledge now gives you power!