was that it

Last Christmas he had moved out but bought me lots of gifts, expensive ones and said how he wished he'd been with us. He did more than when we were living together but didn't call us on Christmas day. It took till summer to find out aout ow and all the other lies and then the pain was at its worse and I really thought I'd die from the betrayal and worst of all that the person I had believed I was married to didn't exist. I cried most of last year. This Christmas I cried once but it felt like a clean cry of loss and sadness. I am nc since August. It has saved my life and my sanity. My stumbling block is hearing aout what he's doing through my children. I'm hungry to hear he is desperately unhappy. If I hear he's not having a good time it makes my day. If I hear he's happy with ow it depresses me. This is not healthy, it is part of my addiction and means that my mood can still be dependant on what he's doing. This feels like the last thing to let go off. The last attachment. It's all in my head and I need to let go completely but find it so bloody hard. I try to keep my mouth shut but when my children return from his and mention him I just buy into it and then I'm off and running with the madness. My daughter went to his boxing day and came back after 5 hours because he wasn't nice to her. She talked to me about it but it fed my addiction to him. The children connection is every hard. I need to let go. Any ideas on how to keep my mouth shut, other than duct tape, would be welcome

My Narc did the same thing. He sent me a stupid double message text that was a push/pull and then gave me the silent treatment. Don't let this guy screw with your mind. I have been keeping my mind busy on other things. I have also been reading a lot more about narc disorder etc to help keep me on track. It's all about being strong. I have been struggling with this for a long time, and I feel like I am about to free myself. Keep reading, keep journaling and DON'T think about his next move. That is what he wants. I have come to realize that these narcs are on some wild power trip. They are wielding power they don't have. Take your power back. I know it's hard, but the more you educate yourself the more you will be able to free yourself from their grip. The hard thing to come to grips with is that all this stuff is just a floor show, it means nothing to them. Remember that. They are actors, reading lines, and frankly, they are bad actors, very much the "b" list. Stay strong. xoxoACgirl

It has taken me 6 months not to jump at the sound of a txt coming thru...but I know I called his bluff...even though the ST hurts because it is rejection at it's most ruthless....I am now taking it as a compliment....even tho part of me is still attached ...... I know I don't want to know what he's doing or planning.....it will prolong my pain.... I hope you are ok xxx

It may be for a while, but it unfortunately worked........he is in your head, exactly where he wanted to be, planted in your head and he used your friends to do it. Now, this is all you can thing about, and rightfully so, it can't be helped, this early in your journey. But please notice what is happening and try your best to put him out of your head, and replace him with thoughts of survival. Anticipation of his next move, is a very dangerous place to be for o many reasons. Stay strong, stay focused on the truth of the matter at hand, narcs are narcs, they don't change.