Wanting to be hoovered

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#1 Feb 6 - 2AM
Snowflake
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Wanting to be hoovered

I am in the place where I want to be hoovered, want him to come back, want him to tell me nice things.

I am in proper NC, fought all the urges.

Just being honest about my feelings and where I am in the process..just wish it would end :(

Such an internal fight, its exhausting and scary.

Not in a good place this morning x

Feb 6 - 2PM
Femmegem
Femmegem's picture

Aww snow?

One day at a time eh. You won't feel this way forever honey, stay NC long enough that feeling of longing will pass. I'm usually quite a mousy person but this morning I had a burning desire to find him and punch him in the face! I know thats awful but I hate him. Sorry sweet but I hope he doesn't hoover you any more and leaves you alone to heal.....
Feb 6 - 2PM
peachesn
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Snowflake, I hear you on this

Snowflake, I hear you on this one!!! I have been feeling nostalgic, loving and soooo wanting to be hoovered lately that I'm a bit embarassed to say it, lol. For some reason my ex has been on my mind like mad lately. I have been NC since 26 Dec and I thought by now I'd be flying high. My old thoughts of love and tenderness towards him have resurfaced. And then comes the anger. The anger where I want to stomp my feet, scream and cry b/c it's soooo unfair that I'm the one suffering, going to therapy, etc and he's 'fine'. Phew, that felt good to get it out! :) I think this is all part of the process and deprogramming ourselves from the grasp of the N. They have such an overwhelming presence in our lives and then leave us emotionally scarred. I'm now trying to fill the moments when I feel lonely (evenings, wknds) w/ things I love...it's that gnawing loneliness that can sometimes really do the most damage. The N's lies (initially) seemed so wonderful, so romantic, etc...accepting that he is a fraud and everything you shared was based on falsehood is the hardest thing to accept...think it takes a while to get there. Work in progress... Do you meditate? I find that quite helpful. Also, aromatherapy oils is quite relaxing and sensual. Btw, well done on keeping NC! Not an easy feat! Just be kind and gentle to yourself and understand that you're doing great and this is all part of the process. Like your name suggests Snowflake, keep sparkling! xx
Feb 6 - 1PM
Dee30
Dee30's picture

Snowflake

As you know with me, every time I have contact with n exbf i get really ill, I cry, anxiety, nightmares, and shaking, and again he will feed me a bunch of scrambled eggs and say something that will hurt me. i guess we crave the hoover at times but its not worth it. I am also again few days NC but u know what I keep reading, reading, and reading, honestly, to be veryy honest I think I am accepting now what he really is. It doesn't mean we are not human to want to be loved but realizing he cannot loved and is disordered, will help you remain NC. You are doing good Snowflake, please stay strong. My exn bf caused me SO much pain to feed him supply again would be doing a big injustice to me. Please keep yourself busy and try to fight the urges. I'm with u on this journey..
Feb 6 - 1PM (Reply to #13)
Snowflake
Snowflake's picture

Thanks everyone

It makes me realise its me not him, I need to do work on me as to why I would be willing to accept anyone into my life who treats me like that. Trouble is my self worth/esteem feels shot so it feels easy to stoop just a little way and contact. Kept strong so far though x
Feb 6 - 12PM
HelpMeHeal
HelpMeHeal's picture

Same here...

Snowflake, I'll need to re-read some of our previous posts but I think our situations are very similar and I am feeling the same as you these days. I am feigning for the hoover. My hands go numb everytime the phone rings and it's not him. Stay strong!
Feb 6 - 12PM
phantom adoration
phantom adoration's picture

It is very hard, I am only 13

It is very hard, I am only 13 days NC but feel better everyday for evicting him mentally. There is no more space for his presence. They (N's) have to hoover, it is waht they do and know no other way. We have to put up a strong defense. So many have put it so well, you will start at square one if you break NC, you will feel the pain all over and even more so as you will be angry with yourself. I do not want to go back, each day is better, almost imperceptively but better. Today I acutally danced around while listiening to music...have not felt like that in awhile. I am filling the space he left to keep things precious to me, for and about ME now. It is unrealistic to forget how you felt about him, I loved my N and still do...my love for him was not an act, so forgive your self for the contradiciton of emotions. He's a prick, a coward and will lose in the end. Pathetic.
Feb 6 - 11AM
Anonymus
Anonymus's picture

Acceptance is key!!

Don't fight with yourself!! Accept that you still miss the person he thought he was. Love yourself for it, because if you were'nt feeling that, you would'nt be able to love!! LOVE yourself with that, really do it. At first it's hard, but if you do it and pay attention, you'll relax after you truly embrace your feelings, and quickly you will stop thinking so much about it. It's because you fight it that you're not letting go. You'll see then that it's not all about him, but all about you!! Honestly, how many times did you forgive him for all the bullshit, but you can't just give yourself a moment's peace because missing him is not something you should do?? Yes of course you miss him!!! That does'nt mean you want to go through all the bullshit again. Hang in there!!! C
Feb 6 - 9AM
nlvr7
nlvr7's picture

me too

bc it would serve as t final confirmation "this dbag IS a N". I still find myself puttinghim on a pedestal and coming up w alternate explanations. Sigh.
Feb 6 - 9AM
Movingforwardnow
Movingforwardnow's picture

Snowflake

I remember feeling like that too at one point. It's probably part of the process, but I am certain you feel worse afterwards if you break NC as a result of the hoover. Read, read, read today as much as you can. CONTACT = PAIN. Hunter and everyone else on here has told us so over and over again. CONTACT = PAIN Stay NC!!! The hoover is not saying they love us it's just to get us back under their spell, in the web of mass confusion and all your hard work will be flushed down the toliet and to get you back to where you are today will be even harder. STAY NC! It's like working hard all week and you get excited for payday so you can pay your bills. You get your paycheck and you flush it down the toilet instead of paying your bills. Your hard work was for nothing and now next week you have to work twice as hard to get caught back up. STAY NC!
Feb 6 - 7AM
janemarie
janemarie's picture

This too shall pass.... I

This too shall pass.... I felt the same way in December..... One month and some later....Im passed it...and Im so much better..... If you break NC...youre just gonna go back to square one and suffer all of the pain all over again...but probably worse.... Read Hunter's link....that one really helped me!! STAY NC!!!!!!!
Feb 6 - 7AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Be careful what u wish for

http://www.lisaescott.com/2011/12/28/hoover-not-compliment Hunter
Feb 6 - 3AM
midnight7
midnight7's picture

Hi Snowflake, well done on

Hi Snowflake, well done on remaining NC. I have the opposite problem - despite my telling the xN never to contact me again and changing all my contact details, he has just written to me. It is exhausting and never ending. I want to get on with my life, in fact I hadn't been thinking about him any more at all when the letter arrived in the post. So be careful what you wish for, I can promise you, you do not want xNs to contact you. If your xN did make contact it would not be because he has feelings for you but because he requires an ego boost/supply and it would lead to a D&D again. NC = sanity and peace. Keep strong.
Feb 6 - 3AM
ACgirl
ACgirl's picture

Snowflake, it does take a

Snowflake, it does take a while for these things to pass. I have been NC for almost 2 months, and when the phone rings or I get a text, for a split second my heart races that maybe it's him, and the hope that I would like it to be him. But that "feeling" that I get is more of a deep emotional trauma that the whole relationship caused me. It's really trying to let go of the "lie" that he was. He was never really there, never really present. And we are always hoping that somehow magically, he would actually BE who he pretended to be. So, don't be hard on yourself. We are all there with you, having experienced it. I wish it would end too, it is truly as you said, exhausting and scary. But, what I have done now is tell myself that I will find a remarkable man, and this time, I will see all the red flags and I wont be tricked again. These narcs know EXACTLY how to manipulate us. It really is a terrible trick they played on us, pretending to be something they are NOT. So, always remember, we are longing for the dream, not that narc. xoxoACgirl.
Feb 6 - 7AM (Reply to #2)
Ophelia
Ophelia's picture

Wise words

I'm like Snowflake, I want to hear from him again so very much, but am beginning to understand that it's a very non-logical primordial need to re-attach to my primary source of love and affection, but who may never have existed. And that hearing from him at this time could just cause more confusion and trauma. I need to be my own primary source of love and affection and that is going to take work. Focus on loving me, everything about me, and the beautiful things and people in my life. Love and beauty are everywhere and I am working at filling my brain and heart with gratitude for all that I am fortunate to have instead of that one thing that caused me so much heartache. But it's still so difficult. I keep remembering that he said I was a beautiful soul. He used to say he was the luckiest man in the world to have my love. Indeed I am and indeed he was. And while it's painful to try to reconcile how he could say that and then discard me, I don't need him or anyone else to tell me those truths about who I am. Over and over I have to remind myself of this simple fact. Be strong Snowflake, I understand what you're going through. We'll make it through this.
Feb 6 - 8AM (Reply to #3)
Armed
Armed's picture

The sooner you accept the

The sooner you accept the painful truth you can begin to heal. It hurts like hell. Knowing someone lied and deceived you only feels your heart with rage. So....rage, hate him, scream, cry, hate him some more, curse, cry, cry, cry...do whatever you need to do. Never try to reason with him though. I used to send hate mail at first until I realized I was only wasting my time and he could care less. He was probably on the other end reading and laughing. They do not feel bad for hurting us. They want us to be hurt and broken hearted, this is what fuels them. Very sadistic! The best revenge is going NC and moving on with your life. He does not miss you. Think of it as the same game they play with us. Want him to contact you only so that you can one up with him and become the winner by ignoring him. Childish huh? Well that's how they think.