1. Home
  2. Forums
  3. Narcissist Forums
  4. All About Him Forum
  5. The void

The void

9 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Aug 22 - 1PM
Jelickuk
Jelickuk's picture

The void

Well my 2 children have gone on holiday with my exnh for a week and I am alone and the emptiness and longing and aching is unbearable.
I know there is no hope. I see the emptiness of 14 years of marriage but part of me would have the denial back just to feel a sense of belonging again.

I know it's crazy he treated me abysmally but I clung to that perfect first year and truly believed he loved me and would never leave...same old same old

This too shall pass

But just at this moment I would give the world just to be in his arms believing I was safe
Sorry to be negative
It's a hard time with my children gone

Aug 23 - 3PM
Jelickuk
Jelickuk's picture

Got through the day. The

Got through the day. The desire to contact him has gone and now 2 weeks nc. I hate it when my children are with him but the hurt has passed. Nc nc Thanks for all support. I see him clearly again now x x
Aug 23 - 3PM (Reply to #8)
spinning
spinning's picture

Great work, Jel!

It's a ride, up and down, and I think you were triggered because your kids are with him. I feel so fortunate I don't have to deal with that as it would be very, very difficult. Considering how hard it is and how early you are in NC, pat yourself on the back for getting through it. Keep the REALITY GOGGLES HANDY!!! I still have to find them from time to time, but usually they're firmly attached to my head! The more NC time and distance you get under your belt, the more room there is for great things to enter your life, Jel! Hugs and great work. It does get easier each time you push yourself through it. Most sincerely, (not) spinning. IT'S A FIGHT BUT I'M IN IT TO WIN IT! THE SICK FREAK IS BACK IN THE ZOO AND NOT IN MY HEAD!!

spinning

Aug 23 - 2AM
Jelickuk
Jelickuk's picture

Bloody awful sleepless night.

Bloody awful sleepless night. Hate the constant rumination, it's with me 24 hours a day
Aug 23 - 2AM
Jelickuk
Jelickuk's picture

Bloody awful sleepless night.

Bloody awful sleepless night. Hate the constant rumination, it's with me 24 hours a day
Aug 23 - 2AM
Jelickuk
Jelickuk's picture

Bloody awful sleepless night.

Bloody awful sleepless night. Hate the constant rumination, it's with me 24 hours a day
Aug 22 - 2PM
ordinarycourage
ordinarycourage's picture

The Emptiness

You have every right to be negative. You have had your life and dreams torn apart. My daughters have been gone for 10 days at the most and it gets somewhat easier each year. I used to spend much of the time feeling sad and worrying about them. Now I still feel the emptiness but I can text them and also take some time to just unwind for myself. Self care is important and we moms need to learn this!
Aug 22 - 1PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Never apologize for how you

Never apologize for how you feel. I feel terrible that you are in such a bad place right now, a place where you feel dispair. Please know that we have all been there and I know that doesn't make it any easier but maybe knowing that you are not alone may help. Time will help to heal your pain. And reading as much as you can on the disorder and staying here on the forum for support. Again, it doesn't make it easier. But I as well as many on here are living proof that it is possible to get through this terrible ordeal. Your soul was raped by a man that you gave your whole self to, it's a very difficult thing to get over. You don't really get over it, you get through it. As far as laying in his arms to be "safe", that is the last safe place in the world for you. I understand your yearning, it is what you know and how you feel. But trust me, his arms are not where you can afford to be. Take this week to do some things for yourself while your children are away. Rearrange your furniture, get a manicure or a massage. Treat yourself to a day or days that focus on just you........ Hang in there, these feelings of despair will lessen in time........Love yourself right now. Smile, it does get better. :)
Aug 22 - 1PM
RM
RM's picture

Sorry it is so difficult &

Sorry it is so difficult & painful. Although I'm not really sure maybe one has to go through this anguish to accept the reality of their narcissist. You are saying goodbye to something that was part of you for a long time. You may have to learn who you are because your identity was defined by someone else; someone who is truly ill. Reach out to those who know & love you and rely on them for love & support. Rely on this forum of anonymous & faceless friends but who probably have an incredible connection with you. Do something kind for yourself and most importantly, don't be hard on yourself. You were robbed and stripped of your autonomy. You are a victim and now you are free. Take little steps and celebrate gradually. I'm thinking of you!