Violence

In November and Dec, I was terrified the exn was going to physically hurt me. He'd broken into my home twice and I was a having meltdowns. I had the locks to my house changed, and deadbolts installed! I was scared to even go out to my backyard. I'd hear a vehicle and run back inside. It was awful - my health was so bad because of the fear and stress. I had images that he was going to rape me a few times. I cannot believe how much fear I had, and I thought I had lost my mind and senses. Nightmares and dreams about him. He's moved and it's been about a month and I can say that I have been doing so much better in the past week. The detox is painful, but NC and his moving have finally paid off.

I think some of it - if he hasn't been violent - and besides the reality that he could get violent - is the ptsd aspect. He has been abusive - it has been a raping and abuse of your soul. and you are scared understandably. I used to get scared that my ex would come in to the house and do things despite that this never happened before. It was like gaining control made me scared I woud lose it. if he hasn't shown violence, I suggest the only thing that stops these animals. ignoring them!

Before it's too late I hope you understand how wrong it is to be with someone you are sometimes afraid of. When I understood that I threatened him with a restraining order, locked my doors and slept with a weapon He never did bother me. Maggster, it is not you problem that he is older and he will find someone else because he has to have supply. Not your problem. Take care of yourself!

Ohhhh the NARC/pimp WANTS to hit me SO BAD!. He started early on trying to "groom" me. Hitting walls..slamming doors..swearing..tantrums. I told him that I knew what he was doing and it wasn't going to be that way, if he EVER laid a finger on me I'd kill him in his sleep. I said," You have to sleep SOMETIME!" I also told him that this its my MY house and he lives here for free...he'd better not DISRESPECT it's walls and doors. I spoke to his x who told me that he hit her several times, rag dolled her, held her down and pushed her often. She sustained a broken tail bone and a broken finger.(his version of the story is quite different...with him as victim and acting in self defense) Only in the last year as I've stood and confronted him with the truth and not backed down has he EXPLODED. Held his fist in my face on several occasions and RAGED that he "wants to punch the shit out me SO BAD!" I've stepped towards him and dared him. I told him I'd get up and that since this is MY town (he's not from here) and most of the men in it have worked for my dad that I could have him beaten by different man once week for the rest of his pathetic life. I told pretty boy to get good dentist because the last guy who hit me lost his front teeth. He knows that's true...the couple of times I've been hit by a man in this town...this small town..someone heard about it and took care of it without my even asking. Having 5 brothers...and my kids dad has 4 brothers and dozens of male cousins. It's enough to back him off. The TRUTH is what panics him. He has a violent pathological aversion to it. If I don't allow him to live in his magic fantazmagorical mind he flips out. He recoils from truth like a vampire from the sun. In the last year it's gotten dangerous between us. He RAGED for months when he found out that knew EVERYTHING about who, when and where he'd been unfaithful. So I've taken the pins out of his guns and left him to his fantasies. I'm letting him think we're good and I'm happy. While I plan his exit from my life in the LEAST confrontational way possible.

yes, mine constantly lost his temper - in big and small ways over the years. His patience is low to begin with, so if you simply are talking with him and contradict, or propose something else, or heaven forbid, DISAGREE with him, he loses it, raises his voice, and it gets worse and worse. If you ask him, in a nice way even, to show up in the relationship and be a partner,...then....you are TOO demanding, TOO high expectations, NEVER satisfied and he COULD NEVER win. He will sulk, be PA, ignore, or rage at how YOU are never happy. If you actually call him on something or his behavior and attitude, or get angry at the whole BS and show any emotions and anger toward it, then he could shove me, grab me til it hurts, pull my hair, throw me into the fridge, or into the tiles..... Bottom line....you simply can never expect anything from them, ask for anything, want anything or demonstate any emotion to them without it FEELING to them like you are asking for the moon. How long do you want to live like that?

The violence increased overtime as well. Whenever I called him out on something ie a lie his double standards etc. he was so scary. He drove at me in my car in temper and wrote my car off. The list goes on but the last beating was the worst and I haven't seen him since . However although I don't excuse the violence the bruises have gone and not scarred but the psychological scars I fear may remain forever and that's why I'm here.

is in his 60's too, and got in my face just once when he was asked by me to leave my place, we were living together at the time, i told him if he lay one hand on me I would call the police, he did not thank God, know he was abusive to one of his exwives, scary.

Hi Maggster, The narcissist I had the relationship with generally acted cold and controlled. He said he'd been an angry man when younger but wasn't any longer - he's in his 60s. But he did snap and I still to this day cannot believe what occurred - nothing like it had ever happened to me. There was a suspicious incident involving a woman - he has a history of infidelity. I asked for an explanation re the incident, none was forthcoming. It was sufficiently suspicious for me to inquire again and he snapped - he hit me in the face, pushed me across the room in to furniture and when I got up he did it again even though I was pleading with him to stop. I really thought he might kill me and I tried to call the police on my mobile - he wrestled it off me, left for a few hours, came back in the morning, and asked me to leave - leave a place I had rented and paid for to assist him. I was still in shock and had a two hour drive home that day. As you might expect in a relationship with a narcissist somehow I found myself apologising for the event - he never said sorry. He never said sorry about anything. Restraining orders are an option if they become violent and you are unable to relocate.