Verbal Abuse, Put Downs?

I am having a difficult time.I have been reading the boards and struggling with so many things. I joined 3 days ago and have to admit yesterday asked how I can delete my account. It is so difficult to read your stories and heart break and I suppose my reasoning whether it is wrong or right was I felt like I was staying stuck in the heart break and nightmare with him and not moving on and forward. I have read everything possible till I am cross eyed on NP because I feel he leans more towards the P. Ugh even typing this gets me anxious and agitated. I met this person online and spent a year and a half with him and have also met him. (got on a plane for the first time in my life to meet him and there was NO WAY anyone was going to get me on a plane) So I guess I feel what more can I learn and there is really not a thing I can do about what has happened. Most of you here it seems has had to deal with seeing or being around this individual. I am rambling and not getting to my question but some of his traits seem to not fit in to the classic NP. He never ever called me names or put me down. If anything he built me up and made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world ( to the point of complete obsession) The only thing I can say as I said in a comment on another post is he would always add though " never you BABYDOLL .... I would never call you a b*tch, c*nt etc .... I will stop talking to you if that's what it takes till we can be together and I can prove to you she (his wife of 4 years he met on MySpace who he called a b*tch and try hard but still call her Kookla *means DOLL in Greek* - means nothing though just a habit UGH ) is out of my life because I just can't seem to get through to you *enters the silent treatment* I guess the fact he would fight bitterly to hang on to what we had and me and as sick as it sounds he built me up and made me feel so loved and I became so confident in me and my body image etc more then I had in my entire life confuses the hell out of me. And right up to the very end he never verbally abused me even when I was questioning (which I did through out because of the situation) Seriously when I think about it NP or just the average man should have gave up and and ran. Ugh I sound awful for doubting him but there is so much more to my story and I suppose I kept hearing those whispers in my soul that something was just not right. Sorry if I am rambling and the story seems scattered.