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Update with a question

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#1 Dec 15 - 1PM
Tiffany30
Tiffany30's picture

Update with a question

I just wanted to let everyone know how I am doing on NC, well it's been about 50 days and still NC. I have still been reading the discussions on here almost everyday and took a vacation last week which I really needed. For once I feel like I am in control, not him! It feels awesome!

Anyway, the N just texted me to tell me that he is still working on a QDRO for our divorce which I haven't received yet from his retirement that I am entitled to, it has been 7 months since the divorce, does it usually take this long? He said he had been round and round with the benefits center, they are supposed to send him something in the mail and he may take it to my lawyer so we can settle it....What does this mean? I wouldn't be surprised if he got the money and spent it already a long time ago.
I really don't want to respond back to him but I know that he will keep texting me until I respond with an "ok" or something along those lines. Should I? I would like to give him silence instead.

Dec 15 - 1PM
GeorgiaGirl
GeorgiaGirl's picture

I went thru this

with my QDRO and eventually found out that exN#1 hadn't submitted a form to the court that would then be sent to the bank as a "formal release" notification. I found out later on that he did this on purpose to delay the payout. I'd definitely get your attorney involved as it shouldn't be taking this long if all your paperwork is in order. Your payout could even be lower than the court-ordered amount if you have a 50% split and the market fluctuates during this time spent waiting. That's what happened to me.
Dec 15 - 1PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Congratulations on your NC!

Congratulations on your NC! That is great news! As far as your QDRO goes, believe me, it can take 6 months to a year to complete. I had a difficult time with my QDRO, and it was not for any other reason but the due process. The money can not be spent. If your divorce is final, and the funds have been stated in the divorce, meaning all of the investments had been documented and recorded, your husband can not spend that money. My QDRO took some time being completed and the financial institution takes forever to allocate these funds. Find out from your attorney, what you need to do at this point, speak with your exN through your attorney if you are not comfortable doing so. And also, google QDRO in your state and read........you will have a clearer idea of what he is talking about. Like I said, my QDRO could have taken 6 months to a year, so it isn't that unreasonable actually. But it is getting a little too far down the road and needs to be resolved. Once the QDRO is completed and in the hands of the financial institution, it takes forever as well. You may not see this money for a couple years. Do your homework and find out. Good luck!
Dec 15 - 1PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Congratulations on your NC!

Congratulations on your NC! That is great news! As far as your QDRO goes, believe me, it can take 6 months to a year to complete. I had a difficult time with my QDRO, and it was not for any other reason but the due process. The money can not be spent. If your divorce is final, and the funds have been stated in the divorce, meaning all of the investments had been documented and recorded, your husband can not spend that money. My QDRO took some time being completed and the financial institution takes forever to allocate these funds. Find out from your attorney, what you need to do at this point, speak with your exN through your attorney if you are not comfortable doing so. And also, google QDRO in your state and read........you will have a clearer idea of what he is talking about. Like I said, my QDRO could have taken 6 months to a year, so it isn't that unreasonable actually. But it is getting a little too far down the road and needs to be resolved. Once the QDRO is completed and in the hands of the financial institution, it takes forever as well. You may not see this money for a couple years. Do your homework and find out. Good luck!
Dec 15 - 1PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Congratulations on your NC!

Congratulations on your NC! That is great news! As far as your QDRO goes, believe me, it can take 6 months to a year to complete. I had a difficult time with my QDRO, and it was not for any other reason but the due process. The money can not be spent. If your divorce is final, and the funds have been stated in the divorce, meaning all of the investments had been documented and recorded, your husband can not spend that money. My QDRO took some time being completed and the financial institution takes forever to allocate these funds. Find out from your attorney, what you need to do at this point, speak with your exN through your attorney if you are not comfortable doing so. And also, google QDRO in your state and read........you will have a clearer idea of what he is talking about. Like I said, my QDRO could have taken 6 months to a year, so it isn't that unreasonable actually. But it is getting a little too far down the road and needs to be resolved. Once the QDRO is completed and in the hands of the financial institution, it takes forever as well. You may not see this money for a couple years. Do your homework and find out. Good luck!
Dec 15 - 1PM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

I would handle all these matters

through your Attorney. These things are somewhat routine in this day and age. 7 months does sound ridiculous. I am surprised that you Attorney is not already looking into this, this is what you paid them for, now let them earn their fee. Call them and relay the information and let them handle it. Great job on NC and your determination to remain NC is amazing. He may or may not have spent it; you will know soon enough, your Attorney can send a demand letter of some sort, I am sure. He must have filled out a financial disclosure statement and the address of the company he works for must be in those documents. The Attorney can also go back to the judge and state that he is failing to comply. This happens everyday, let them work him. Keep yourself safe and sound from his nonsense. God bless, Goldie