The NPD man in my life entered in April 2007. I was at a restaurant with a friend. He was in ordering food in the line when my friend and I where talking about relationships. I had noticed how he was standing ever so strong and told me friend about it. When he started to walk our way, I was hooked. He looked so good with his amazing hazel eyes I lost my breath. My friend dared me to go and ask him out. I just could not cause I thought I looked a mess (I was in gym clothes and not all dolled up) As he was getting ready to leave my friend said that she would go up to him.
She did and I was right by her. She asked him was he single, he said no, divorced and the kids live with their mother. She asked for his number which he gave easily. I was so pumped up. I had found the man of my dreams tall, dark and handsome. All the makes of my dream man right down to the truck he drove. I wanted to go about this right, even talked to my mom about meeting him. She told me to wait 3 days, but I did not. Mind you I was 30 at the time and I never asked my mom about dating advice but I wanted to do right. I was newly divorced and was ready to start dating again.
So I called him and he was shocked. We would talk off and on daily. We planned to go to lunch to meet and when we did, that is when I noticed one thing. At times he would look over my shoulder out the window. I made note that it was other women that had just left the restaurant. I felt it was a bit out of line, but I was with him and not them. Maybe it was someone he knew. We talked and had a good time. I got to know him, what he did job wise and told him about what I did. He again stated that he was divorced and his kids are with their mother.
As the months went by I talked with him and wanted to take it slow. His work kept him away for a month and working late nights, this I know for sure. I waited 4 months to be sexual to him. When I did it felt odd. Yes, I was with the man of my dreams but his eyes were shut most of the time. He came over to my place often. He said he was single so I asked if I could come over to his place. At first he said that if I did his neighbors would go and tell his ex and that would hurt his chance at seeing his kids. That she did not want to see him happy so it would be best if I did not. He told me where he lived but did not give the exact address.
I wanted to believe so much of what he was saying. I spent weekends with him once a month when I had to be out of town for work. He would follow me down in his truck and while I was at work told me he was with his guy friend at the farmers market. I was excited that he did spend this time with me. The only thing that puzzled me was that he called a lot to ask where I was but if I called him he was short and had to go or would not answer the phone at all. There were nights when he agreed to come over for dinner and then not show up or answer his phone.
He met my kids and even my mom when she came into town. Yet I never met his kids or his family. I talked with the one male friend that he said he hung out with at the farmers market. But that was it. I shared my world but got very little of his. The parts he did tell of his youth were that his dad was a hard working man and his mom was a loving housewife and that he had a successful sister and brother. I could not say the same for me. I seemed to be the only one in my family to venture out and do well so it was inviting to hear he came from such a hard working and successful background. The one thing that I noticed was that he reminded me so much of my dad. He kind of looked like him as well and they are from the same state.
Months went by up and downs. From break up to make up. Never longer than a month. I could set my watch to it. He soon had to leave for an overseas job for a year. During this time he would call often. As always when I called he would be short and have to get back to work. He asked for packages and I sent them. I would be up late nights making cookies and taping shows for him to watch. I was faithful and he would see to it that I was. He would call me at five in the morning before my alarm would go off. He wanted to see more of me, photos and video. I gave in after all because he was â€œMYâ€ man and I wanted him to have all of me.
By this time I found out that he was not divorced but separated. I asked were his kids were and he said they were staying at his place with his sister while he was gone. By this time I had changed jobs and started to uncover the lies. He lied about his age, address, relationship you name it. I had enough of not knowing. He told me he would be coming back for two weeks and then he said he already had came back already and had gone, I was furious. I got tired of not knowing what was up and went to check on his so called separation at the court house. He told me "the onion is exposed the divorce is final you can check it online". I could not due to the state and it is pubic information so I set a date to go to the courthouse. I did not find anything on file so I decided to go by his house. I saw that there was a SUV in the driveway. It could not be his sisterâ€™s because it had this states tags which she is not from. I drove up into the driveway.
I went to the door and rang the bell. I heard a dog barking. When it opened I saw a boy and the dog, then a girl, both teenagers. Then a lady came to the door. I asked did she know a guy by the name "****". She said yes that is my husband. I asked her for her name she told me. I said forgive me. He told me that you two were divorced and I had been with him for awhile it was winter 2008 by this time. She said that they had planned on getting divorce but know they really are. She told me that she was always gone and never had money. He makes six thousand a month from what I know his job status is. She told me that he always said she was crazy and that it was all in her head. That she gave up her college plans to become a nurse due to him and raising "these two kids". Now she is at a job she does not like and gave up everything for him.
I did not know all of this. When he described her he said she was fair skinned and a nurse that worked at the local hospital. The lady before me appeared older than what she looked and I could see she was troubled and done. She asked for my name and I told her even gave it to her with my number on a piece of paper. She told me that he was due back at the end of the week. She thanked me form coming to her and being a woman about it and that I could have him because she is done. I said no I am done too. I was relieved to found out the truth after two years. But at the same time hurt. I contacted him via email and told him that he could have just told me and all I wanted was closure. He replayed, "I HOPE YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED CLOSURE" I tied to write him back to make him respond to the lies he told but he did not.
Two weeks passed with nothing. Then he called. I did not answer but soon my love for him sprang back and I called him. He said he is happy that I did that and now she knows and we can move on. He said that he was unsure that I felt the same due to my past. He would be home soon and that he would like me to meet him when he comes home. I was picking out a dress to meet him and getting ready. Then it changed from meeting him at the location to waiting for him in my car because his mom would be there with the kids and he did not want to start drama. I tried to get ready for the big day still. He told me his friend had kept his truck while he was gone. But I did not go to meet him due to all the back and forth with him.
I went back to the house and saw his car in the driveway. Again sadden at the view I drove off and left a banner I had for him by the mailbox. I tried to get on with my life. I did not call him but he kept calling me. It got to the point that he was blocking his number when calling me. Six months had gone by. I was sleeping when the phone rang. It was him asking how I was and that he had not seen my car around town and drove by my place. He forgot I told him I moved and wanted to know how my kids and I were doing. I said it was none of his business. I told him I now know he is crazy and that he needs to move on. I thought I could finally move on from him but again the love I had for him kept coming to the surface.
So, I called him and set a time to meet. He asked how I was I did my best to stay strong. Long and the short of it the interlude continued. I professed that I loved him and he said that he could not have a relationship with me because his kids have seen me. I was devastated! I let it go again and again he would call and on and off I tried to get closure. He told me he was seeing a girl and that he told her about me. He said he wanted to be with me and told her I was crazy all so she could leave him alone. He told me he was going through the divorce and that it would be final by the summer I gave in again and again and called just to get his short answers and him saying his is out on a date with her. I texted him what I believed to be the last message: â€œYou always told me are you ready for what is to come: I know what it is Narcissistic Personality Disorder Take Careâ€.
Two months went by now it was September 2009. He texted that he had not seen me in awhile and wondered how I had been. I ignored him till December. He called and I did not respond till the next day thinking I had the upper hand. I asked that someone called me form this number and played it off. He said you don't know who this is...that's good, laughed and hung up. He said later that he had seen my car one day driving by and wondered what I was doing. I told him by this time I was dating which I was not and asked what happened to the girl he was seeing. He said he broke it off with her. I continued to play like I had a guy and he said could he come over. I did my best to hold off and then caved in.
He told me he sold his house because his wife had wanted to take him for half of his retirement so he sold it to give her lump sum cash instead of his retirement. He told me he moved down the street from me at a different subdivision. I knew this not to be true. I had him come over so I could talk to him and get him to tell me where he lived. He tried to show me from my window that it was a subdivision just across from mine. I made him right down the address, which he did, the correct one. We would talk about every other day. One night he did come over and while we were in the "act" he asked about my "new" man. I said what about your girlfriend he said she was overseas. I said is this what this is about. How can you talk about this and seeing me when she is gone? He said he is not with her.
I tried my best to get him to cave into letting me come over to his new house. He made plans for Friday and said that he would tell his kids that I was coming over that Friday. He said after the divorce and all that he had to but them in counseling and they are seeing a psychologist twice a month. He called that Wednesday to tell me that coming over while they are there would not work. He told them about me. And previously his son was cool with me but now his son and daughter both did not want him messing with me. So he said I could come over during lunch. I agreed. He informed me that his girlfriend had left and he was keeping a few sweaters of hers in the garage and that I should know now in case I go snooping around.
I made it over there while talking with him on the phone. He told me to park on the other side of the street I asked why I could not come in the driveway he said he does not let anyone park there. His truck was in the drive way parked in the middle and yet the garage was open with a SUV blocking the garage door to the house. I saw a SUV and asked whoâ€™s car it was. He said he was keeping it for a friend. He met me at the front door to the house. I came in and went into the living room. I noticed pictures of a little boy. Not one I had seen before. I asked who it was he said it was her son. They were all over the living area. I asked why the pictures are inside of the house. He said she was living there and that he got her stuff out of storage while she was gone. One of the rooms even had a little boyâ€™s furniture bedroom set. He told me that they had broke it off after two months because she had found someone new while she was there and she does not have a key to the place only his neighbor. He gave me a tour and when we got to his master bathroom I noticed a purple cubby with female items. I went to the dresser of his bedroom and noticed female underwear and female clothes in the closet. I said, no she is living here.
I was not about to go down this road again with him. He had a woman living with him and now he is trying to take me through the same stuff again. He was trying to have sex with me in the house. I said I am Thirty Two years old with two kids and this is too much for me to take I will not go through this again. You are living with this woman! He said that I was dating a man so what was the problem. He said that he and she are not together and that the kids are in counseling and even called wanted me to call the doctors office to speak to the doctor they are seeing on his phone. I refused so he called and I could here there was an appointment for his son but not his daughter he played it off saying they would probably go in together. He tried so hard to get me to believe this and still tried to come at me. I said I will not do it and disrespect her like I was done. He said he had to go back to work and we left.
I called him and asked who she was and how long he had known her. He said ten years. So I asked was he dating her while he was with me he said no. I asked so you are taking care of her son. He said he takes him on some weekends so the dad that is in town can get a break. He said he did not what to talk about this now and he would call me later and hung up. I called him back and said that I need to say something. I told him that I never had a boyfriend. I texted later on that I thanked him for his honesty. He texted that he was coming over later. I replyed for what. "Some lovin point blank." I texted that I was not made at him and that point blank needed a single man and relationship. And that he needs to be honest with all the kids when he says he is not with me. He replied that he excepted that.
My evening was spent in a fog. I texted him and he was short. I said that I need to talk. He said he did not want to argue about what, when and who. I said I got my answers on a clear silver platter. That I just wanted to hear his voice and have adult conversation. He texted: chillin tonight tomorrow. I ended it with telling him I did not want to lose him (sad as I became). So this is today. I texted to see if he was up, no reply. Called, got no answer. Called around twelve noon and he said he was busy cleaning the house. I said when will you be free cause I have some errands to run myself. He said 3:30pm. I said ok that I would talk to him then.
This is my three year drama. I love him and when I feel like I can shake him I fall right back. If I could snap my fingers and forget about him I would. I have read all the books on him and know what he is putting me through. I am just stuck because of the way he has me. How long can I put up with this. I guess it comes from having to go through eighteen years of my life with a father the same way. His chaos is my normal. I have not gone to counseling because I know what to do and just canâ€™t seem to do it. I cannot move and have not changed my number. I want to be with him so bad it hurts but he is just stringing me along and I know. I guess I am that Secondary Supply. He promised so much to me even marriage, before and after I found out about the wife. I am trapped and at the same time and know how to get free just can't do it due to the thought of losing him altogether. I know in my heart of hearts that I am not the only woman he is with just the most assessable one.
Deep down I want to be where she is know no matter how bad it may seem. This is what I feel I worked for and lost and it is Killin' Me Softy!"