The Path Forward Virtual Retreat Febuary 2021!



Unique-Lyric's Story

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#1 Feb 6 - 2PM
Unique-Lyric
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Unique-Lyric's Story

The NPD man in my life entered in April 2007. I was at a restaurant with a friend. He was in ordering food in the line when my friend and I where talking about relationships. I had noticed how he was standing ever so strong and told me friend about it. When he started to walk our way, I was hooked. He looked so good with his amazing hazel eyes I lost my breath. My friend dared me to go and ask him out. I just could not cause I thought I looked a mess (I was in gym clothes and not all dolled up) As he was getting ready to leave my friend said that she would go up to him.

She did and I was right by her. She asked him was he single, he said no, divorced and the kids live with their mother. She asked for his number which he gave easily. I was so pumped up. I had found the man of my dreams tall, dark and handsome. All the makes of my dream man right down to the truck he drove. I wanted to go about this right, even talked to my mom about meeting him. She told me to wait 3 days, but I did not. Mind you I was 30 at the time and I never asked my mom about dating advice but I wanted to do right. I was newly divorced and was ready to start dating again.

So I called him and he was shocked. We would talk off and on daily. We planned to go to lunch to meet and when we did, that is when I noticed one thing. At times he would look over my shoulder out the window. I made note that it was other women that had just left the restaurant. I felt it was a bit out of line, but I was with him and not them. Maybe it was someone he knew. We talked and had a good time. I got to know him, what he did job wise and told him about what I did. He again stated that he was divorced and his kids are with their mother.

As the months went by I talked with him and wanted to take it slow. His work kept him away for a month and working late nights, this I know for sure. I waited 4 months to be sexual to him. When I did it felt odd. Yes, I was with the man of my dreams but his eyes were shut most of the time. He came over to my place often. He said he was single so I asked if I could come over to his place. At first he said that if I did his neighbors would go and tell his ex and that would hurt his chance at seeing his kids. That she did not want to see him happy so it would be best if I did not. He told me where he lived but did not give the exact address.

I wanted to believe so much of what he was saying. I spent weekends with him once a month when I had to be out of town for work. He would follow me down in his truck and while I was at work told me he was with his guy friend at the farmers market. I was excited that he did spend this time with me. The only thing that puzzled me was that he called a lot to ask where I was but if I called him he was short and had to go or would not answer the phone at all. There were nights when he agreed to come over for dinner and then not show up or answer his phone.

He met my kids and even my mom when she came into town. Yet I never met his kids or his family. I talked with the one male friend that he said he hung out with at the farmers market. But that was it. I shared my world but got very little of his. The parts he did tell of his youth were that his dad was a hard working man and his mom was a loving housewife and that he had a successful sister and brother. I could not say the same for me. I seemed to be the only one in my family to venture out and do well so it was inviting to hear he came from such a hard working and successful background. The one thing that I noticed was that he reminded me so much of my dad. He kind of looked like him as well and they are from the same state.

Months went by up and downs. From break up to make up. Never longer than a month. I could set my watch to it. He soon had to leave for an overseas job for a year. During this time he would call often. As always when I called he would be short and have to get back to work. He asked for packages and I sent them. I would be up late nights making cookies and taping shows for him to watch. I was faithful and he would see to it that I was. He would call me at five in the morning before my alarm would go off. He wanted to see more of me, photos and video. I gave in after all because he was “MY” man and I wanted him to have all of me.

By this time I found out that he was not divorced but separated. I asked were his kids were and he said they were staying at his place with his sister while he was gone. By this time I had changed jobs and started to uncover the lies. He lied about his age, address, relationship you name it. I had enough of not knowing. He told me he would be coming back for two weeks and then he said he already had came back already and had gone, I was furious. I got tired of not knowing what was up and went to check on his so called separation at the court house. He told me "the onion is exposed the divorce is final you can check it online". I could not due to the state and it is pubic information so I set a date to go to the courthouse. I did not find anything on file so I decided to go by his house. I saw that there was a SUV in the driveway. It could not be his sister’s because it had this states tags which she is not from. I drove up into the driveway.

I went to the door and rang the bell. I heard a dog barking. When it opened I saw a boy and the dog, then a girl, both teenagers. Then a lady came to the door. I asked did she know a guy by the name "****". She said yes that is my husband. I asked her for her name she told me. I said forgive me. He told me that you two were divorced and I had been with him for awhile it was winter 2008 by this time. She said that they had planned on getting divorce but know they really are. She told me that she was always gone and never had money. He makes six thousand a month from what I know his job status is. She told me that he always said she was crazy and that it was all in her head. That she gave up her college plans to become a nurse due to him and raising "these two kids". Now she is at a job she does not like and gave up everything for him.

I did not know all of this. When he described her he said she was fair skinned and a nurse that worked at the local hospital. The lady before me appeared older than what she looked and I could see she was troubled and done. She asked for my name and I told her even gave it to her with my number on a piece of paper. She told me that he was due back at the end of the week. She thanked me form coming to her and being a woman about it and that I could have him because she is done. I said no I am done too. I was relieved to found out the truth after two years. But at the same time hurt. I contacted him via email and told him that he could have just told me and all I wanted was closure. He replayed, "I HOPE YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED CLOSURE" I tied to write him back to make him respond to the lies he told but he did not.

Two weeks passed with nothing. Then he called. I did not answer but soon my love for him sprang back and I called him. He said he is happy that I did that and now she knows and we can move on. He said that he was unsure that I felt the same due to my past. He would be home soon and that he would like me to meet him when he comes home. I was picking out a dress to meet him and getting ready. Then it changed from meeting him at the location to waiting for him in my car because his mom would be there with the kids and he did not want to start drama. I tried to get ready for the big day still. He told me his friend had kept his truck while he was gone. But I did not go to meet him due to all the back and forth with him.

I went back to the house and saw his car in the driveway. Again sadden at the view I drove off and left a banner I had for him by the mailbox. I tried to get on with my life. I did not call him but he kept calling me. It got to the point that he was blocking his number when calling me. Six months had gone by. I was sleeping when the phone rang. It was him asking how I was and that he had not seen my car around town and drove by my place. He forgot I told him I moved and wanted to know how my kids and I were doing. I said it was none of his business. I told him I now know he is crazy and that he needs to move on. I thought I could finally move on from him but again the love I had for him kept coming to the surface.

So, I called him and set a time to meet. He asked how I was I did my best to stay strong. Long and the short of it the interlude continued. I professed that I loved him and he said that he could not have a relationship with me because his kids have seen me. I was devastated! I let it go again and again he would call and on and off I tried to get closure. He told me he was seeing a girl and that he told her about me. He said he wanted to be with me and told her I was crazy all so she could leave him alone. He told me he was going through the divorce and that it would be final by the summer I gave in again and again and called just to get his short answers and him saying his is out on a date with her. I texted him what I believed to be the last message: “You always told me are you ready for what is to come: I know what it is Narcissistic Personality Disorder Take Care”.

Two months went by now it was September 2009. He texted that he had not seen me in awhile and wondered how I had been. I ignored him till December. He called and I did not respond till the next day thinking I had the upper hand. I asked that someone called me form this number and played it off. He said you don't know who this is...that's good, laughed and hung up. He said later that he had seen my car one day driving by and wondered what I was doing. I told him by this time I was dating which I was not and asked what happened to the girl he was seeing. He said he broke it off with her. I continued to play like I had a guy and he said could he come over. I did my best to hold off and then caved in.

He told me he sold his house because his wife had wanted to take him for half of his retirement so he sold it to give her lump sum cash instead of his retirement. He told me he moved down the street from me at a different subdivision. I knew this not to be true. I had him come over so I could talk to him and get him to tell me where he lived. He tried to show me from my window that it was a subdivision just across from mine. I made him right down the address, which he did, the correct one. We would talk about every other day. One night he did come over and while we were in the "act" he asked about my "new" man. I said what about your girlfriend he said she was overseas. I said is this what this is about. How can you talk about this and seeing me when she is gone? He said he is not with her.

I tried my best to get him to cave into letting me come over to his new house. He made plans for Friday and said that he would tell his kids that I was coming over that Friday. He said after the divorce and all that he had to but them in counseling and they are seeing a psychologist twice a month. He called that Wednesday to tell me that coming over while they are there would not work. He told them about me. And previously his son was cool with me but now his son and daughter both did not want him messing with me. So he said I could come over during lunch. I agreed. He informed me that his girlfriend had left and he was keeping a few sweaters of hers in the garage and that I should know now in case I go snooping around.

I made it over there while talking with him on the phone. He told me to park on the other side of the street I asked why I could not come in the driveway he said he does not let anyone park there. His truck was in the drive way parked in the middle and yet the garage was open with a SUV blocking the garage door to the house. I saw a SUV and asked who’s car it was. He said he was keeping it for a friend. He met me at the front door to the house. I came in and went into the living room. I noticed pictures of a little boy. Not one I had seen before. I asked who it was he said it was her son. They were all over the living area. I asked why the pictures are inside of the house. He said she was living there and that he got her stuff out of storage while she was gone. One of the rooms even had a little boy’s furniture bedroom set. He told me that they had broke it off after two months because she had found someone new while she was there and she does not have a key to the place only his neighbor. He gave me a tour and when we got to his master bathroom I noticed a purple cubby with female items. I went to the dresser of his bedroom and noticed female underwear and female clothes in the closet. I said, no she is living here.

I was not about to go down this road again with him. He had a woman living with him and now he is trying to take me through the same stuff again. He was trying to have sex with me in the house. I said I am Thirty Two years old with two kids and this is too much for me to take I will not go through this again. You are living with this woman! He said that I was dating a man so what was the problem. He said that he and she are not together and that the kids are in counseling and even called wanted me to call the doctors office to speak to the doctor they are seeing on his phone. I refused so he called and I could here there was an appointment for his son but not his daughter he played it off saying they would probably go in together. He tried so hard to get me to believe this and still tried to come at me. I said I will not do it and disrespect her like I was done. He said he had to go back to work and we left.

I called him and asked who she was and how long he had known her. He said ten years. So I asked was he dating her while he was with me he said no. I asked so you are taking care of her son. He said he takes him on some weekends so the dad that is in town can get a break. He said he did not what to talk about this now and he would call me later and hung up. I called him back and said that I need to say something. I told him that I never had a boyfriend. I texted later on that I thanked him for his honesty. He texted that he was coming over later. I replyed for what. "Some lovin point blank." I texted that I was not made at him and that point blank needed a single man and relationship. And that he needs to be honest with all the kids when he says he is not with me. He replied that he excepted that.

My evening was spent in a fog. I texted him and he was short. I said that I need to talk. He said he did not want to argue about what, when and who. I said I got my answers on a clear silver platter. That I just wanted to hear his voice and have adult conversation. He texted: chillin tonight tomorrow. I ended it with telling him I did not want to lose him (sad as I became). So this is today. I texted to see if he was up, no reply. Called, got no answer. Called around twelve noon and he said he was busy cleaning the house. I said when will you be free cause I have some errands to run myself. He said 3:30pm. I said ok that I would talk to him then.

This is my three year drama. I love him and when I feel like I can shake him I fall right back. If I could snap my fingers and forget about him I would. I have read all the books on him and know what he is putting me through. I am just stuck because of the way he has me. How long can I put up with this. I guess it comes from having to go through eighteen years of my life with a father the same way. His chaos is my normal. I have not gone to counseling because I know what to do and just can’t seem to do it. I cannot move and have not changed my number. I want to be with him so bad it hurts but he is just stringing me along and I know. I guess I am that Secondary Supply. He promised so much to me even marriage, before and after I found out about the wife. I am trapped and at the same time and know how to get free just can't do it due to the thought of losing him altogether. I know in my heart of hearts that I am not the only woman he is with just the most assessable one.

Deep down I want to be where she is know no matter how bad it may seem. This is what I feel I worked for and lost and it is Killin' Me Softy!"

Unique-Lyric

Mar 26 - 1PM
Unique-Lyric
Unique-Lyric's picture

This Week

Marks the past one month stage of no contact. I told him in the last test back mid last moth "I will not be a secret to your Family, I will not be the other woman the second time around. All he wrote was "Understand truly". Then a week later he tried to call me and then texted "? Did you email my friend" I beleive he is refering to the new girlfirend that he is living with, I am not sure if she is out of the country or what as he is taking care of her son and I know she has a older duaghter not quite a teen. So this leads me to this week. I was on my messenger and i saw that he had quoted in his box "Look beyond the physical to learn the emotional" I was really taken back by this because I think he gives a crap about the emotional as long as he can tear it down. So I wrote on mine in spanish "Hugs and Kisses to all my friends". So I am thinking he still has me on his yahoo because what did he put on his next put a picture of him and the new ladies son. Heck for all I can gather it could be his and hers. So I did not do anything like I think he might want me to do. I just removed my post and I decided to leave it blank to include my contacts. But, I do have a question. If you read my story. I went through alot with this man. Maybe he was tring to hide me till he got hte divorce but God made it possible for me to see the lies before he came back. I just don't get it if he has moved on with her and this new kid or son is his NS while she is gone then why did he chose to move so close to me, continue to mess with me and spy on me and question who I am seeing. It is so bad I think he has soneone keeping tabs on me. So I would really like an answer on this. Have I messed up his world that bad that he is out for revenge. He had his last D&D sex with me and it was straight saddistic. This was before the no Contact. I do think he waited to she or he moved all her stuff in to contact me so he could show me. Went to all that trouble to open the garage with he car in it and every room had her things in it an a spare room for her or her/his kid. All so he could rub it in my face what she has while I did not get anything he promised. And then next minute saying she and he broke up to get me to have sex with him in the house(I DID NOT), then next saying that they are getting married in 2013. Help Me With Your thoughts Please! PS I also am seeing a new doc. Although she does not deal with PTSD or SS. She is more of a Cognitive Behavior Specialist with a PHD. I have one session with her and I think it will work out. Uniques Lyric

Uniques Lyric

Mar 26 - 2PM (Reply to #25)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Uniques Lyric

if you can see his pic and his Yahoo - that's contact... so sorry you are still NOT no contact... you are back to square one... NOT one month - back to a few days maybe this shape shifting, non human liar doesn't deserve your attention - block, delete ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Mar 27 - 1AM (Reply to #26)
Unique-Lyric
Unique-Lyric's picture

Square One

Ok, so I will admit I look. I do keep him on my account for a reason. He has pictures of me. So is it bad for me to keep tabs on him (for now) for fear that he will use then to discredit me. We work for the same corporation. I know his is only doing this to hurt me and yes took me back when she was away. I get that. I also am getting help and know what the issues are. It is not like I pick up the phone or contacted him and said hey I saw you and her son you F-stick, WHY. So please understand I am a work in progress. I would still like ot think of it as one month becasue I have not called or responded I just desided not to post on my yahoo and hide my other contact from my page. Uniques Lyric

Uniques Lyric

Mar 27 - 2AM (Reply to #27)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

NC is NOT a negotiable position

It is not like I pick up the phone or contacted him and said hey I saw you and her son you F-stick, WHY. So please understand I am a work in progress. I would still like ot think of it as one month becasue I have not called or responded I just desided not to post on my yahoo and hide my other contact from my page. OK but whatever you 'like to think' - you have NOT gone NC. This is still reinforcing bad patterns and brainwashing. Don't call it NC then... call it chilling a bit or something. When you truly go NC - then you'll know - then you'll be healed ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Feb 27 - 8PM
Unique-Lyric
Unique-Lyric's picture

The other day

As hard as it is I am tring to get past this. However, the other day I was at the intersection near my home. I saw his truck and needless to say once the light turned green I went to get close to him. I was drving right behind him, past him, stopped by him. I tried to go into the same entrace to the "corporation" we both work at. We work at different offices on the same "site". It was so bad I had the shakes! This is my nightmare. I believe he planned to move right down from my house and show me the new house with her things in it to get back at me for exposing him. I was a fool to say to him I want to be where she is now. And he surly did tell those words back to me and said that could not happen. He knows that we will always pass each other on the way to and from work because that is the main throughfare to my home. It is like he planned this. He could have picked anywhere else to buy a home but right down from me not even 5 minutes is sad. Did I cause him this much pain that he just is out to distroy me. I am at a loss. I know I need to find a new counselor ASAP and possibly get on meds and will change my number and now I putting my house up for sale. I cannot move out of state due to the job but this is really confusing. I somethimes even regret going up to his house to tell his wife, I just needed to know. What do I do? He knows he has me that is my pain. I did so much to keep him and he just D and D'ed me. I spend my days wondering about his kids do they hate me. I did nothing wrong. What about the ex-wife. I want to send her a note to say "I am sorry and that I tried to even make sence of it all". In the end he left me too. Do they hate me like he says. Why does he every 2 weeks to 2 1/2 months call me up just to slap me again. NC is hard as he*l! Because I still love him. And it kills me because deep down I know who he is but I can't shake him. All the times I went NC I still thought of him and thought I was strong enough to break NC only to be dooped again. Part of me want to just let the new girlfriend know. He is currently watching her kid, he said she was overseas for the moment I think she is in school/training. He told me they are planning on getting married in 2013. Upon hearing this I was crushed, telling me he was over me and moved on was just a blow. But still I love him, help me! Uniques Lyric

Uniques Lyric

Feb 28 - 5AM (Reply to #20)
serene69
serene69's picture

Unique lyric

I spoke to my N's ex to find out the truth about his background. My n told me that the ex hated me for getting in contact as well - but she emailed me after he had told me that and said she did not hate me at all. Don't believe a single word these men say. All they say is lies. They are just one big lie.
Mar 1 - 10AM (Reply to #22)
Unique-Lyric
Unique-Lyric's picture

Contacting the ex

Ms. Serene69: How did you go about doing it. I have not spoken with this woman his ex-wife since the day I met her on the porch at their old home. This was in Aug 08. I think I saw her on Facebook. I am afraid because I did go back to him 5 more times. I just want to know that she forgives me and that the kids do not hate me. I just want to let her know I am sorry and I am now D&D'ed too. I gave her my number when I last saw her but she never contacted me. I think he put it in her head that I was crazy just as he told me she was and told his new girlfriend I am. I live contantly with the pain of what I went through it was 3 years of off and on hell. And I can only imagine 16 years with this man had to just be too much. Do I miss him. The guy I thought I knew, yes. Do I want him at times, yes. I am trying to set up counseling to help get through this. I lived with a father with the same condition so it was hard wired in me to end up with this guy. The thing that hurts the most is him so coldly casting me off and moving right down the street from me. Contacting me just to bring me over to see that he has someone else and while she is away get me for emotionless sex. That in your face crap. And one lie after another thinking I would not find out the new girlfriends real name. In the beginning I took it slow. I knew of him and where he worked before our first date. In a since have become the best P.I. I know! I am alone and in pain. I suffer daily because I know he got me good and is laughing in my face. I have no one to come home to because I know I am not right for anyone because I keep looking for my false ex, i.e his looks, strength, career status in all of them. The dating pool around here does not believe in relationships only late night booty calls. I am 32 years old with 2 kids and no one to spend time with, not even a local friend. The friend that I do know out of state tries to help me but even he is tired of hearing it. Uniques Lyric

Uniques Lyric

Mar 1 - 10AM (Reply to #23)
serene69
serene69's picture

Hi Unique-Lyric

I managed to find the home number for my N on the internet as it was advertised as part of his business. I had had his number for a while, but then one day he was so awful I decided I had to call her. He had told me they had seperated but she was living in the same place while she got herself financially stable. I did not know if this was totally true, but plucked up the courage to ring. Though I was so nervous - but I was so upset and his behaviour was bordering on really weird and I felt she had a right to know as they had a child together. She was wonderful. She had indeed split from him almost a year ago, but he really was under the illusion that as long as she was in the same house, they were effectively 'together.' Apparently he had not even told his family they had split etc and I think many friends did/don't know either. She told me his history going back to his first wife. All the women on the side etc etc. All the awful things he had done to her. When I told her things he had told me, she was able to tell me they were all lies. When I told him we had talked she was a great support when he threatened me and she also told me how glad she was I had had the guts to contact her. She felt that by being under the same roof it was allowing him to get away with treating other women in such an awful way. She is now planning to move out hopefully this month. We were in contact for a while as I was also concerned what he would do to her as she has not chance of getting away from him completely. He has completely discarded me of course, told me to F Off, called me a home wrecker a lazy, pathetic creep etc etc. Putting all the blame on me. However now I do not contact her, as contact with her is not NC with the N - and I need to move on, and they need to sort out their lives together. I was lucky though that she was so wonderful - and that they had effectively split already. It has made everything so much easier for me, to understand it was not me, and that he will not ever change. But it is a risk to contact the ex as well, it could have been so different if she had had a different attitude to it all, and did not know his full character.
Feb 28 - 9AM (Reply to #21)
rache
rache's picture

AMEN!

they wouldnt know the truth if it bit them in the balls.
Feb 27 - 8PM (Reply to #19)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Uniques Lyric

It was so bad I had the shakes! This is PTSD - are you in counseling? with a trauma counselor? GET ONE IMMEDIATELY if you aren't. And stay the heck away from this monster! You don't love him - you have STOCKHOLM SYNDROME: http://www.lisaescott.com/2010/01/19/can-you-love-narcissist ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Feb 6 - 10PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Welcome Unique Lyric

Get into therapy with a TRAUMA COUNSELOR IMMEDIATELY - call a DV Center if you need to get an advocate ASAP to get this man completely out of your life - NOW. It doesn't matter if they are male or female to me, as long as they GET it and don't push codependency or self-blame. Remember YOU DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG. Nothing! - PLEASE go through ALL the pages on 'Message Board' as I have loaded it with articles and your questions have probably already been asked and answered many many times. Click through the pages and read what interests you. You'll get up to speed and learn a LOT. - PLEASE read the stories of others on SHARE YOUR STORY. This alone is one of the most validating things you can do! Far too many become completely wrapped up in their own drama... which just makes it all worse. It will also help you see the pattern of their INCURABLE PATHOLOGY. Your story is very very common. - PLEASE read through our whole blog: http://www.lisaescott.com/blog - chock full of articles about Ns and healing Get a hold of a copy of Lisa's book (Link in the Right Column) Please, in the future, read all the Rules prior to posting on our Boards, as well. - listen to our free radio show - archived at: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/allabouthim Remember this board is NEVER to be used as a replacement for therapy. Please find a therapist and start going as SOON as possible for whatever level of PTSD he's left you with!! BLOCK HIS EMAILS, IMs and TEXTS change your phone & cell numbers if you have to don't ALLOW him to contact you again... DO NOT ALLOW IT! and do NOT contact him in any way... that includes looking at his Facebook, MySpace, asking friends, etc. NO CONTACT! Get to a PTSD/ trauma counselor ASAP... stay with one you feel comfortable for AT LEAST one year. Healing takes a MINIMUM of 18 months (with TOTAL NC) and you will need support & help from a professional. Please get it ASAP. Do not date before 18 months has passed! ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Feb 22 - 1AM (Reply to #14)
Unique-Lyric
Unique-Lyric's picture

Do I contact his ex wife

Barbara I want so much to contact his ex wife. The day that I saw her I could tell she was just a wreck. I think she was on meds I saw alot of bottles in her hands. I don't know if they were for her or their son. I know where she works. I want to know should I or how do I go about contacting her. Just to let her know she needs to get help and get to this site. At last we spoke she thanked me for being a woman about it and contacting her when I met her on the porch and did not know they were still married. I think he tried to tell her I was crazy at first cause they did live together for a few months. But now they are done and she moved to be with another man and is living with him now. I know this because he told me, even had me go by the house and check it out. He used me as a private eye, lol. As of 17 Feb 2010 I am going NC with him after I told him: If you want me I will not be a secret to your family. I will not be the other woman the second time around. To which he replied "Understand truly". It is hard but i know it will not work for me and him since he threw the new girlfriend living with him up in my face and told me that he does not have feelings for me. He said this after he wanted sex with no emotions. I just knew I could not take pulling away slowly from him I had to just cut him off and tell him why even thought I know he does not care in the least. I have also made appointments with a Counselor that can help me get pass this mess he and also my dad have put me through. I say this because I have to see that in the end he will put me through the same things that my mom is going through right now. The other day for no reason he a 74yr old man "spit" in my mom's 67yr old face. She says she is done but I know only time will tell she has been living this nightmare for 37 years Uniques Lyric

Uniques Lyric

Feb 22 - 8AM (Reply to #17)
rache
rache's picture

Uniques Lyric

Do you want to end up in HER place? HIS exes? With bottles in your hands? Is that what you want?HE won't change.None of them do.My ex N's first dear wife(the wife of his youth)lost her mind! He went on to marry and divorce at least 4 more times.Her-no husband as i know of.......a life destroyed by a freak who doesnt deserve to breath same air.
Feb 22 - 6AM (Reply to #15)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

about all you can do

if you do it - do so anonymously. leave an envelope or mail something to her addressed FOR ADDRESSEE ONLY to her work. give her enough specifics in black & white that she can check on. send her here if she needs support. Let her know how sorry you are and that she deserves a lot better. And no, you are not trying to break them up because you want him back. you can also post him on the exposure sites and send her links. ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Mar 3 - 1PM (Reply to #16)
Unique-Lyric
Unique-Lyric's picture

Still scared

I am still scared to contact.I want to contact his ex-wife. Maybe he is the reason the son is in counseling. I just think it has been so long that she may tell me to get lost. I don't have her number but I know were she works. I have info on the current girlfriend but I don't want to email her because she will think I am just a jealous ex and he would give her the text showing that I told him I did not want to lose him. Yes, I still think of him and what could have been. Uniques Lyric

Uniques Lyric

Feb 6 - 10PM
ForeverLearning
ForeverLearning's picture

Girlfriend, Listen Up: Getting Free Takes Time and Courage

Hello Unique-Lyric. Actually, that lyric you refer to - "Killing Me Softly" is right on the money. I'm not joking. This drama and nonsense will kill you if you don't escape it. I should know - I got cancer after 8 years of a 14 year drama with a Narcissist. Oh yeah, it will also make your kids sick. If not physically, then emotionally/mentally. Your Mom too, and other family members and friends who care about you and watch you go through this sick twisted hell as the puppet of this Psycho Loser. The only one who won't get sick? The Narcissist. It actually makes him healthier! Thats right, the Narcissist is a happy guy when he is screwing with the heads of women and they chase him around and fight over him. Terrible isn't it? Yes, it is. Normal humans are not built for this b*llshit. It makes us SICK. Truthfully, it was hard for me to even finish reading your story, no joke. I felt dizzy and nauseous JUST READING WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. I feel terrible for you. Look, you have come to the right place as a starting point to escape from this hell you are currently living in. Please, please, PLEASE, - if you cant start the process of escaping from this man's drama for yourself, - PLEASE - do so FOR YOUR CHILDREN!!! They NEED YOU!! They need their Mother to be at peace, stable, and happy. Not living this FREAKISH NIGHTMARE OF LIES AND DECEPTION that flow like raw sewage from this PSYCHOPATH NARCISSIST'S mouth. Your kids need you. The YOU, that existed, before this EVIL B*STARD wormed his nasty way into your life. Remember who that girl was, before him? That lyric you quoted is SO RIGHT. This hot mess drama is KILLING YOU and you need to GET THE HELL OUT OF IT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. You CAN DO IT!! Follow all of Barbara's advice. Read all you can around here. Come every day, learn all you can. Knowledge is power. Go to counseling, a female counselor. You will need to go for at least a year, Barbara recommends a minimum of 18 months. If you don't like the first counselor you get, get a different one, until you find someone who clicks with you. HEALING TAKES TIME. Bottom line. You know deep in your heart you need to escape. Going no contact is your ticket out of this nightmare. Peace and REAL happiness await you (and your kids). Please please please dont continue this MADNESS with this MADMAN. God bless you and keep coming back here to heal and in return your experiences and input will also help others heal, because we are all on the same journey, and all trying to escape CRAZYLAND and get back to a place that is normal and peaceful. Don't give up, you can do it.
Mar 4 - 4PM (Reply to #11)
Unique-Lyric
Unique-Lyric's picture

Still Scared

I am still scared to contact.I want to contact his ex-wife. Maybe he is the reason the son is in counseling. I just think it has been so long that she may tell me to get lost or she my think she is over him and moved on but they still have contact due to the kids. I don't have her number but I know were she works. I have info on the current girlfriend but I don't want to email her because she will think I am just a jealous ex and he would give her the text showing that I told him I did not want to lose him. Yes, I still think of him and what could have been. Uniques Lyric

Uniques Lyric

Mar 4 - 4PM (Reply to #12)
serene69
serene69's picture

Hi Unique

You saw you still think of him and what could have been - but just think, what could have been? That would be you being emotional bullied and treated like dirt. He will never never be different. These men do not change. Ever. They start off good but then turn into these animals. You would never have a future with him and you are better to be away now. Anyone, like myself who has heard about the past of their N knows this is something that cannot be fixed, it is in their wiring. They could be with the most perfect person in the world and it would not be good enough. You have to tell yourself what happened is nothing to do with you, as in reality you were just an object to him - not an individual human being. So then you can realise he is the damaged one. There is absolutely nothing you can do to change such men. I know it is hard - it is hard for all of us. It is horrible to think one has been used in this way, that it is all a game to them. But once you accept they do not change you have to think positively, that it is good you are no longer with him. Yes I still think of my N every day still, but it is turning to disgust. I think if I did see my N now I would start shaking. I am not scared of him, but it feels like he is an alien - a total fake and a lie. I was lucky yes that I could talk to the ex of my N, but I would not contact the current girlfriend I think of an N as they would probably tell the N, and all the drama continues, which the N would love. With the ex it is really up to you, but like me when I contacted my N's ex, I knew I was taking a big risk that she would not be open to talking. I was lucky as she was sympathetic, but it may not have been and I could have got myself into a far worse situation. I decided yes to tell my N too I had spoken to her and got the most vile verbal abuse from him, which was not nice and I had to be very strong to take that and just ignore it.
Feb 13 - 11PM (Reply to #4)
Unique-Lyric
Unique-Lyric's picture

Uniques Lyric

Uniques Lyric; I thank you so much for your words. I do admit that I messed up and tired to tell myself that if I just sex him and then he will stay. But alast with him moving a woman in and taking care of the new womans kid and she has been around his kids and still trying to get it from me, I just am in shambles. I think he did this to get back at me for confronting his wife. And now that he has told me about the new woman and how his mom and kids know of her then we should just be friends and have sex with him "no emotions" as he put it. The shameful thing is that I told him in a text I want to be where she is now and that I didn't want to lose him. And I think he is eating that up. So I ask you why is he contacting me. If I refuse to have sex will that end it. Should I just tell him that his family and friends don't know me and I will not be the other woman the second time around OR just not respond from this day forward.

Uniques Lyric

Feb 22 - 8AM (Reply to #7)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Unique Lyric

NO RESPONSE. No Contact. he's looking for sex. Period. Block, delete, erase... no more contact. None. Nada. ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Feb 22 - 5PM (Reply to #8)
Unique-Lyric
Unique-Lyric's picture

Went to see counselor today

Barbara; Today I went to see a counselor. I was happy that I was taking a step into getting better. However I know she is not for me. I think the couselor is the same not NPD just not understanding. I know deep down he is no good. And even with me being Christian I still know he is wrong but I don't need someone to shove it down my face like she tried to do and then go about giving me her life story. I need help even though my mom went through this and I know it is wrong. I need help in leaving the wrong alone. In Words and Action. It is hard because it was sort of hard wired into me by my upbringing. I seemed to only fall head over heals with NPD guys becuase of the vail they give me and the up and down that are chaos but my norm. I saw her points but I really think I need to see a person who understand what I am going through and not tell me what the bible says. It also says have faith so I can turn it to mean wait for him to get better through faith. She left me in the same spot I was in when I enter the office. I poured out my soul and was left with the same things that friend and family tell me, but they did not stop me from returning. I know I am an independant woman and this is soemthing he will likely distroy. But who and which type of doc do I turn to. I think she was more of a recovery addict type of couseling service she is a LPC/MHSP but I know I need a PHD in Psychology. I went through a third party to find this and I asked that they get me in touch with a person specialising in PTSD and NPD. Can you help me with this one. I think it will be my first and last visit with her. Uniques Lyric

Uniques Lyric

Feb 22 - 7PM (Reply to #10)
ForeverLearning
ForeverLearning's picture

If the counselor doesn't click, find another

If the counselor doesnt click, find another, point blank. Dont wonder about why you dont like the counselor, just trust your gut and move on. I tried 2 years of a Christian counselor, got me ABSOLUTELY NO WHERE. Therefore I now feel religious counselors are not helpful. A regular counselor who isnt religious based is more "Well Rounded" in all areas, just my personal opinion. And I am a Christian. But I just didnt think the religious based counseling ever had as much to offer as a regular counselor with lots of various experience. Of course YOU HAVE TO ASK THEM POINT BLANK, IF THEY ARE VERY FAMILAR WITH PERSONALITY DISORDERS and HEALING FROM POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER (PTSD). We all have it around here. Great job on making efforts to find a counselor you can click with and pour your heart out to, who will stick with you guide you and work you through this mess. God bless you.
Feb 22 - 6PM (Reply to #9)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Uniques Lyric - counseling

just ask for a PTSD counselor... NPD is another issue. and you are right - anyone who calls you codependent or blames you for getting into the relationship - does NOT get it. I went thru a few counselors until I found the right one. Give this a read: http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/04/16/finding-effective-help-you Sandra Brown, MA's Institute has phone counselors while you are looking: http://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com/wp-content/registerforcoaching.php I do online coaching: http://one2one4victims.webs.com And search here for a PTSD specialist: http://ptsd.factsforhealth.org/help/searchclinic1.asp More for you on the Christian perspective: http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/2008/01/is-it-wrong-to-hate.html http://www.cosmicwalk.co.za/christian-abusers.html ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Feb 22 - 9AM (Reply to #6)
ForeverLearning
ForeverLearning's picture

No Contact Is Best - Take Your Hand OFF THE STOVE

I agree with Barbara's statement that you should go no contact completely. You gotta do this, in order to begin to heal. Which will most likely take some time, might as well get started, huh? No time like the present. When you keep getting burned over and over and over and over and over and over and over, like you have with this evil personality disordered CREEP, its really just time to GET YOUR HAND THE HELL OFF THE STOVE! I am not being mean, just trying to make a strong point. You should see all the invisible scars on my hands sister! ha ha (Around here, we all have them. Welcome to the club.) I know you want some kind of closure, but really there isn't any way to get closure with these beasts. You can't change them. I spent 14 years trying to change one. They just take what you say and figure out what your newest "weak spot" is with them and then attack you there. In other words, whatever you would say to him, such as, you refuse to be the other woman - once you say that, his new 'angle' will be to promise you to bring you out of the shadows, to meet his family, and eventual marriage. And this will be a stall tactic on his part, to keep you happy, so he can GET MORE P*SSY FROM YOU. Sorry to be blunt. This is how they think. Seriously. So please, stay no contat, keep coming here every day, read all you can, and eventually, see if you can turn this entire nightmare, into ADVICE that YOU can give to someone else, to HELP THEM, (once you are stronger and able to do so) - because giving back and helping others is also a great eventual form of healing for you. God bless you, YOU CAN DO IT. Do it for your kids. They are suffering by seeing their mother in constant turmoil from this situation with this terrible man.
Feb 13 - 11PM (Reply to #5)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Unique Lyric

The majority of them try to cycle supply - as long as they get a response - ANY response... they'll keep trying. DO NOT RESPOND! NO CONTACT!! Block his emails, texts, change your phone numbers if you have to, block any avenue he has to contact you... NO CONTACT!! ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Feb 6 - 7PM
rache
rache's picture

Its sad yes,but,unfortunately

This guy will not change.YOU,if,you get him swill be in his swifes place after he devalues and dumps you for another upgrade.This ids what these men do,and,if you think he'll change-forget it! My ex N is 66 and dog chasing younger women.Been married 4-5 times and none lasted over 6 years,unless,you can count #3 who he goes to and from with.
Feb 6 - 7PM (Reply to #2)
rache
rache's picture

Sorry

about my typo's-meds ya know