Uncomfortable question

My exN used to bath with my daughters but did favour my older daughter (he said she is older and can talk properly with him) not covering himself up at all when they were younger I did not think anything was wrong with it as the door was always open but when I left him and as they were older and it continued behind closed doors alarm bells started ringing. These guys have no boundaries and their children and just extensions of themself which they can use and abuse as they want to. My daughters denied any form of abuse BUT to me even just the act of exposing himself to them at their age is already sexual abuse. Thankfully they don't see him at all now because he has gone into one of his sulky hibernating nobody loves me phases, oh boo hoo :/ what an idiot. I know keep a very watchful eye and my daughters and my son. This is something I would never ever have thought he would be capable of but everything up until this point and everything in the future will be and is a lie I am not about to trust my kids with a monster.

my exwn is a woman, and she only has our daughter so I can't comment regarding the inappropriate sexual stuff. I can say however that my exwn has no boundaries with our child as far as her relationship with her is concerned. The N gets pissed for sure when someone else steps on our daughter toes, but seem sto feel that she (the N) can tread wherever and however she wants to. It is shameless, sad, and beyond self centerd and selfish. I finally got the necessary permission to get our daughter into therapy, and I feel this will help greatly in my daughters ability to learn how to be safe and be open with her feelings. I have witnessed such a shutting down in my child this past year it makes me nuts sometimes. This process is excruciatingly slow sometimes, and painful, but we must stay the course and continue to do the next indicated right thing. It is in these matters that the descriptive word "disordered" is so correct. These Narcs are such viscious tools of destruction, mayhem, and devastation that it is sometimes incomprehensible to me. ds

yes, I have the same experience (or had) and it always felt strange to me the way he was uncomfortably close to his daughters.. sleeping in the same bed and even feeling like the older daughter would be a wife-replacement, putting her into the role of a lover/friend instead of the lover/friend or wife. The daughter would sometimes sit on him with legs spread wide open, holding on to him in his lap, and later a grown woman did the same thing on a video, and he was enjoying it, without returning any of the affection. It looked like a symbiosis, a parasitic relationship, very unhealthy. The daughters (depending on which narcissist I am talking about, one has one, one has two daughters and a son) and the son- no matter which one, it always felt majorly uncomfortable and perverted to watch what he did with the children, how he talked to them. And the narcissist who had three kids, would sometimes go into a narcissistic rage and then talk about his smallest daughter - saying he was sick of this little bitch, it was absolutely frightening. Depending in what stage of the game a narc is, I believe narcs have psycho sexual relationships with their children, maybe just sexual in an "emotional" way or possibly even sexual in a real physical way.. it could be that a narc refers only to his daughter's or her daughter's breasts or congratulates her for her looks, and goes oh la la, but he builds children into a psycho sexual disaster. Speaking of just me and my dad, for example, I recall that he wanted me to be a boy, but at some point he and I were sleeping in my mom and dad's bed, and he said "Don't be so scared, you can touch it, it's not doing anything" meaning his penis. Very sick stuff... I noticed that my ex-husband treated my daughter like a queen/princess and that he also seemed to comment on her body, hopefully he wouldn't be doing anything weird, but the super closeness and the strange hugging or touching or kissing always disgusted me, he did it with our son too, awkward and weird and hard to explain. And the narc with his three children puts his kids on this god like pedestal (extensions of his grandiosity) - who knows what these children have experienced. I know what I have experienced when I was nine... they can also have a totally warped sense of sexuality and hide their nudeness and sex and lie or pretend they don't have a sex life. It just depends. Very unnatural and unhealthy relationships to children they have!

Xnh also had an overly close relationship with his oldest P (favored) daughter. Fixation would be closer to the accurate term. I, seriously, had people meet me, and they were really surprised that my name was not his daughter's. They heard the daughter's name so often from xnh that they thought THAT was his wife's name. Like your narc, xnh was always a very touchy, feely person (especially with this oldest favored P daughter). When xnh's oldest daughter was about 7 years old, she tried to French kiss him goodnight one time. It, also, used to really gross me out that I would sometimes wake up on weekend mornings to find xnh in bed with his oldest daughter cuddling her, rubbing her back and hair, and kissing her face. He would quietly get out of our bed so that he didn't wake me, and go crawl into hers. She was 18 years old the last time I caught him in her bed. Trust me, I WAS trying to find out what was really taking place. I had some SERIOUS problems with this behavior. When I confronted xnh about exactly how inappropriate and disgusting I found his behavior, xnh (of course) turned it around that *I* was out of line for saying anything, and that I just "had a dirty mind". According to him, it was his daughter, and his behavior was just "perfectly natural". No. It wasn't. IMO, that's going WAY beyond "natural". My own dad would have NEVER EVER EVER crawled into bed with me for a cuddle, back rub, or start kissing me. To me, that thought is more revolting than words can describe. Uck. Soon after we divorced, xnh's oldest P daughter got pregnant by a gang member. Xnh apparently was showing her off around town, rubbing her belly, and telling everyone that would listen that HE was going to be grandpa. One of my close friends also told me that xnh had taken his oldest P daughter's sonogram pictures into a work meeting and was passing them proudly around for all to see, like it was some kind of twisted slide show. My co-workers all found this to be VERY unprofessional and inappropriate. Xnh was acting like this was all something to be proud about because he's just SUCH a great parent to his daughters. Barf. Now, xnh is living in a huge house with BOTH of his daughters, and HIS female grandchild. Supposedly he bought them a "family" home. I guess the poor little orphans didn't ever have a home, either with me or with their own mother. rofl. His daughters are now 18 and 21 years old. The oldest favored daughter is living on welfare, and it wouldn't surprise me to hear that he still crawls into bed with either of them. Xnh has absolutely NO boundaries. From what I've read, narcs frequently seem to have issues with "emotional incest" (both with their mommy and with their children). I truly don't have proof that xnh has gone any farther than "emotional incest". However, he definitely does have problems with it. So yes, what you're saying rings a huge chord with me.

OK that's just Gross! Mine had no children. My Narc BIL freaks me out with my nice. HE always wants her on his lap and she 16. Bottom line is these dudes are beyond Fucked up. Hunter

My N would walk around half naked (topless) in front of her 8 year old son. Some may think it's not a big deal but it just was uncomfortable to me. She would come out of the shower in front of him and would also shower with her 6 year old daughter. The showering didn't seem so bad to me cuz it was with a daughter and she was six, but the boy.....

nothing to be embarrassed about asking. xN had abnormally close relationship with siblings. Buying each other lingerie? Laying around in bed with each other? WTF? These are people over 40, not twenty somethings or teenagers. Very weird. They don't have any boundaries, this is part of the disorder. Though I haven't really figured out why they seem to put up alot of boundaries and walls with their so called intimate partners? at least in my experience.

I think you are very wise to be concerned about this. When girls reach puberty they need to be aware of what is and isn't socially appropriate.... for their protection. She will hopefully notice that they way she and her dad interact is not the norm. The main thing would be to help her set boundaries...helpful when the dating issue comes up, too.

Nothing to be embarrassed about............honestly, that is a normal sign of affection between a daughter and her Father. The lack of affection would concern me, as well as over affection.......meaning inappropriate touching, leering at her, looking at her with desire.......if you are sensing that, then so is the daughter. I wouldn't be too overly concerned, unless there is more that you aren't saying. If there is more, I can assure you that you are safe here to say.........