ugh....so annoying.

12 posts / 0 new

#1 Oct 18 - 11AM

Sherbear

ugh....so annoying.

Okay, so I have a mutual friend on fb with my ex narc. HE doesn't even know her, his old buddy was dating her for over a year. Xn has been trolling her all this time. Well, she and her ex broke up and now my xn has ben turning up the charm. He is disgusting how he presents this false image of himself to lure new supply.

Well, anyway, our mutual friend posted a status that she is looking for a new sales job, and guess who jumps in to help her???? You know it. XN. I just saw a reply he put on her post looking for a new sales job. And it looks like she is interested.

I have seen this coming for over a year now. I shouldn't even give a shit about this. But there it was and now I know he will be trying to get in her pants too.

How disgusting that he doesn't even care that she is an old friend's xgf. She is fair game now.

I really don't want to delete our mutual friends as most of us all grew up together and have known each other for over 20 years. But I also know I don't like seeing this game that he is hellbent on playing.

I WANT TO WARN HER ABOUT HIM. But I won't, I know she needs to figure it out on her own. But I want to soooooo bad.

Give me strength Lord. Help me to let this go and know that YOU have my back. I don't need him in my life...I DON'T NEED HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#2 Oct 19 - 2PM

JRB123

Unfriend or Block

I think Facebook makes things really tricky as it can be so in your face. I unfriended mine about a year ago. He then spent the best part of nearly a year commenting on mutual friends posts. Nearly every day he would pop up somewhere on FB. I wish I had actually blocked him, that is probably the best option. I have also seen him try it on flirting on FB with mutual friends- then one of them deleted him too!! Now I can see another mutual friend he is trying it on with. It will be interesting to see what happens there! They are so creepy it's unreal! Sadly I got abit obsessed with FB peeping but it's getting better now. I would strongly advise to block then you won't know anything he's doing and he won't know about you either!

#3 Oct 18 - 7PM

a65703

Defriend

That is the best option. I have actually deactivated by Facebook account as a way to get disconnect from the "world" and make sure I don't slip and check his Facebook page. I also cut myself from his mutual friends and let my family know that I would prefer if he is deleted from my network (i.e. please delete him!!). However, they are not mutual friends like you have... so it is a bit tricky. I would try to stay clear for a bit. Me too, I wish I could warn everyone on Facebook and where I live about him! They will pry on anything it is disgusting, even in front of their significant other's face. This happened to me, it was so blatantly obvious he was talking and flirting with other girls - I felt is was so inappropriate! Whatever, people only do what they want to do, and only learn after they get burnt - so whoever your narcissist is trying to seduce, you can sit back and watch with popcorn.

#4 Oct 18 - 12PM

Hunter

Sher

Defriend her or hide her posts..it's not worth those bad feelings you are having!! There is still such thing as a telephone if you need to speak to her!! Hunter

#5 Oct 18 - 5PM (Reply to #7)

Sherbear

Thanks Hunter

Nothing is worth these feelings I am having, right?? That's right, I know you are right. Can you explain why sometimes I feel like I want to open my wall so he can see me sometimes? I think part of it is wanting him to see that he didn't break me. My life will go on without him AND I will be even better now. But I don't think that can be all of it. I often wonder if him seeing my life on fb and interact with our mutual friends who love me is worse than him having no access whatsoever to my life. I wish I could just get him out of my head and not care one or another if I ever see him or hear his name again. Boy, this narc has been a living nightmare. "I know my heart will never be the same, but I'm telling myself I'll be okay, even on my weakest days....I get a little bit stronger!" Sara Evans Thanks for any insight Hunter! xoxo

#6 Oct 19 - 8AM (Reply to #8)

Syren66 (not verified)

"Can you explain why

"Can you explain why sometimes I feel like I want to open my wall so he can see me sometimes? I think part of it is wanting him to see that he didn't break me. My life will go on without him AND I will be even better now." Couple of reasons for that. First of all, he has you programmed to compete with him...and your post above confirms you're still working on releasing the residual effect that life with him left behind. Secondly, you are still in denial about what an absolute monsters narcs are. You're having thoughts you'd typically have (because you're a normal person) if you were dealing with a split from another normal person. You know he has problems, but you haven't yet accepted that he is incapable of normal human emotions. The ONLY reason he will ever view your page (if it's not private) is to check in on your level of vulnerability only to the extent he can destroy you some more. You are very vulnerable and to allow him access to you in any way right now is a HUGE mistake. Disengage from any games with him...do not play with fire - you're not going to like the results if you take him on, on any level.

#7 Oct 19 - 1PM (Reply to #9)

Sherbear

Syren

WOW WOW WOW!!!!!! Amazing insight! I can definately chew on that wisdom for a bit. You're right, maybe sometimes I still think I am dealing with someone on a normal level. And he is not normal. I guess I am still remembering 30 years ago, riding bikes, building forts, playing with the neighborhood....etc etc. But that is NOT today. I know now that he is a huge narcissistic toxic individual and I need to act according to that knowledge....not the heart emotions from so long ago. I will get there and I beleive your wisdom is helping do just that. THANK YOU!!!! Sherry

#8 Oct 18 - 12PM

Used

is she your freind, cos if

is she your freind, cos if she is ,i would think she already knows what he is like, why are you so bothered?, you say how can he treat his buddy like this, but how can your friend treat you like that.... you have to let it go..if you get tortured like this, you should be deleting these friends, cos i will tell you now, he will go THRU THE LOT OF THEM, IF THEY LET HIM....

#9 Oct 18 - 12PM (Reply to #2)

Sherbear

She does not know we were together....

nobody knows we were together....i guess it was our dirty little secret. I know I have to let it go. IT obviously still bothers me to see it. I wish I was indifferent enough to see it and keep moving on. But not there yet. And I know you are right, he will keep going thru women over and over and over. Hate deleting them, but I think I must. I refuse to warn anyone about him as I will look like the crazy one. So my other option is to delete. On a bright side, I am going on an amazing trip to ga, nc, sc this weekend with my friend and son to see the fall leaves. That is where my focus needs to be, not with this fucking loser. I HATE HIM so much.

#10 Oct 18 - 12PM (Reply to #3)

Used

oh god, a dirty little

oh god, a dirty little secret, oh what an arsehole.... she can only learn as we have.....you are very brave to delete them, but he will look at all of them as fair game....i check myexn f/b every couple of days[ oh yes i do!!!] its to make sure we have no friends in common, if someone i know was on his friend list i would defriend them immediatly....alth his f/b is shut tight...lol, no photo either....i think f/b told him to take it off,b/c it was frightening people, LOL.. he looked like a fat pyhscotic nutcase[he had it on there at first], then 2days after i joined f/b it was gone......i kn ow it is hard, but you are so much better off without this lowlife, and you are doing so well with NC,i know......have a great trip...i too love the tree,s this time of year....you have been strong and i know you will stay that way....top girlxxxx

#11 Oct 18 - 5PM (Reply to #4)

Sherbear

Thank you Used....

It feels good to process. I usually do pretty well working things out in my head, but then every once in a while, I get a loop and need to vent and process out loud. So thank you for your insight. When you delete any mutual friends, do you let them u r doing it and that it is nothing personal or do u just do it cold turkey? I guess the codependent side of me does not want to hurt anyone's feelings, they didn't do anything to offend me. Thanks for your encouragement and support! xoxo

#12 Oct 19 - 7AM (Reply to #5)

Used

sherbear

in answer to your question, do you let them know you are deleting them, that is apersonal choice sher, but having said that, i wouldnt tell them i was deleteing them if they were friends of me and narc, but if they messaged me and asked why,i had deleted them, i would tell them the truth.....just my takexxxx

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