ugh, feeling so invalidated

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#1 Oct 4 - 12PM
foreverfun1
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ugh, feeling so invalidated

i know i should be thrilled that he hasn't contacted me since i've gone NC but instead i'm feeling invisible and insignificant. it feels horrible, like everything i gave to him had no meaning at all. i'm still so hurt and can't get over it. i know it takes time but he ripped out my heart and i have so much resentment. things he did and said just keep popping up in my head. there's just no justice and it's frustrating as hell to not get any kind of acknowledgement.

Oct 4 - 1PM
freaked
freaked's picture

Now if i had a job,

Now if i had a job, preferably a well paying stable job, right now i would have left. maybe even left a parting gift for the creep..a few thousand dollars to cover the cost of my board and lodge which he provided..and a termination of service note. Abe Lincoln..Hurray for abolishing slavery. I would fly fly fly and forget that i had a terminal disease once ..called marriage to narc. i would take some anti emetics till the sickness setelled...and then go back to work next day..and get busy paying bills, buyin food, new dresses too
Oct 4 - 1PM
freaked
freaked's picture

suddenly one day the hurts pass away into oblivion

suddenly one day the hurts passes. you will one day wonder why you wasted your thoughts on a PD. one day we will all realise that we were griving a non-being..a creature that was a chimera..
Oct 4 - 10PM (Reply to #6)
foreverfun1
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chimera!! yes exactly, the

chimera!! yes exactly, the mask and the demon underneath fused as one. so sickening they are
Oct 4 - 12PM
spinning
spinning's picture

FF1, try to shift the focus...

NC isn't about punishing him. It's about recovering YOU! You're awesome for going NC. You are going NC because of the horrible treatment you received. There's your justice! You get treated poorly, it's HIS LOSS! You've lost nothing but confusion, pain and more bad treatment. You can be in charge of your own justice. Your justice will be working toward having a happy life. Take this resentment you are feeling now and write a list of the good and the bad this person brought into your life. Study that list! If it's anything like mine, the good list had about four things on it. The bad list grew to five pages long without my even trying! My hand was flying across the page. The more I looked at that list the more I didn't want him to contact me because I wouldn't touch that behavior with a thousand foot pole! To rage at him would be to give him supply. Remember, even negative supply is supply! So take your power in your CHOICE to go NC on his ass! This is all about you now, FF1! Hugs and hang in there. Each day you will grow stronger. Keep processing and getting it out. Sincerely, (not) spinning. NO LONGER AN OPTION AFTER MUCH HARD WORK AND DETERMINATION. I WILL NEVER AGAIN SPIN FOR ANY MAN, FOR ANYONE!

spinning

Oct 4 - 12PM (Reply to #2)
foreverfun1
foreverfun1's picture

thanks spinning

i needed to hear that. great idea about the list. i'm sure mine will be just like yours. i'm sorry ur list of bad was so long, you didn't deserve that for sure. i'm glad you were able to recover, it gives me hope. i was feeling like no one had it as bad as me, how lame and silly cuz i see its not true. thank you. i will look at that list and feel justified by ditching the loser. i guess i was missing him too so it will take away that crazy thought too. ur so smart. thanks
Oct 4 - 12PM (Reply to #3)
spinning
spinning's picture

FF1, hang in there,

it truly does get better. I am so glad you are willing to do the work. I am living proof that the hard work pays off. It's so hard in early NC to not "miss" them. Soon, however, with enough effort on shifting the focus off of them and what they did and onto you and what you need to be fulfilled, at peace and happy does really help. You will find that there is nothing to "miss," except the pain, chaos and confusion. You will soon know that being treated poorly and accepting it isn't for YOU! Keep striving and trying, FF1. It's a process and it's not easy. You're doing great. Keep posting and getting it out. It really does make a difference. Hugs to you and stay strong, (not) spinning. NO WAY!!!

spinning

Oct 4 - 10PM (Reply to #4)
foreverfun1
foreverfun1's picture

ur right, i never realized

ur right, i never realized that i had given so much to him that i failed to develop my own life. it's weird how engulfing they are. i'm trying to pursue interests and make friends but its hard cuz i'm so depressed but i will keep the hope that things get better thanks for the love. it helps so much