UGGGG!

45 posts / 0 new

#1 Dec 4 - 11AM

gettinbetter

UGGGG!

I was out drinking last night with friends. I was actually having a good time and then after everyone left and I still had a buzz I emailed him. How could I have done that! Oh well pick myself up and dust myself off.

I know I want nothing to do with him and it was alcohol induced just wish I wouldnt have done it. Im just gonna have to stay away from happy hour for awhile alcohol makes me very sentimental. Then I think what was I being sentimental about a guy who has and always will treat me like shit?

Geez Im so pissed at myself for having done that!

#2 Dec 5 - 6PM

I don t get it ...

Sick Of It

Just checking on you. I'm hoping you've not had any trips to the bathroom :) I had to sit on my hands not to call, or send an email. I thought I might have to drug myself so as not to contact. It's been a month of NC today...I'm proud of myself, yet I know that it's not over yet. Hope you're well.

#3 Dec 5 - 7PM (Reply to #44)

gettinbetter

I dont get it

No trips to the bathroom this weekend. I believe I am beginning to turn the corner a bit. I did normal family Christmas stuff this weekend. Photos,Decorating etc.. Im still thinking about him but not pining. In a way greatful that he abandoned me because I dont think I would have and I cant imagine what a mess that would have caused. He is a sick man. I loved him but I cant help him really noone but God can and I did say a prayer for him today. I dont really care that I emailed him because now Im finally realizing that it is in fact finally over.

#4 Dec 5 - 9AM

neverlookback

I have done that too

During my drunk buzz called or txtd him- only natural and normal you can always say geez I must have drank a few too many you always looked better to me when I was buzzed than sober. The drinks always numbs my pain to how sick you are.

#5 Dec 4 - 10PM

gettinbetter

Well I must be making

Well I must be making progress. While I wish I hadn't sent the email, it didn't ruin my day I was somewhat amused by it and found humor in it. I don't give a shit if he did or didn't get suply if he read or didn't read it. He's a wack job period and I no longer want any part of it. I found that there were moments today that I didn't think about him. Oh gosh could it be???? Could I be starting to turn the corner?

#6 Dec 5 - 2PM (Reply to #40)

Briseis

I seriously think you got

I seriously think you got your blinker on :D It is so much like a corner.

#7 Dec 5 - 7PM (Reply to #41)

gettinbetter

Im terrible at turning my

Im terrible at turning my blinker on. :)

#8 Dec 4 - 10PM

gettinbetter

Well I must be making

#9 Dec 4 - 12PM

gettinbetter

Fuck him!

Fuck him and the horse he rode in on. THERE'S A NEW SHERIFF IN TOWN!

#10 Dec 5 - 9AM (Reply to #37)

neverlookback

sick of it

THERE'S A NEW SHERIFF IN TOWN! ha ha ha ha Mine is a Sheriff but trust me you would not want to ride him either, ha ha ha I just couldnt resist.

#11 Dec 4 - 1PM (Reply to #35)

gettinbetter

The more I think about this...

the more I dont care Im almost starting to think its funny. Oh Michele how I wish he would contact me so I could tell him no I didnt "Why would I contact a Bipolar Bisexual?" go pose for some pics in your chaps Narc Boy BAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!

#12 Dec 5 - 9AM (Reply to #36)

neverlookback

Why would I contact a Bipolar Bisexual?"

Its hard for me to grasp we were victimized by a psychopath bisexual, I really think they are just very sick, perverted and deviant, I know I will never look at gays the same way again thats for sure, gays and Sherif's Lets see could mine have been a Gay psychopath Sheriff? How does that song go, "I shot the sheriff but I did not shoot the deputy down"

#13 Dec 4 - 1PM (Reply to #33)

michele115 (not verified)

I think you elevate him too much SOI

A horse?...no... Maybe a mangey donkey...but we could be rest assured the Narc would still ride in wearing John Wayne's best.

#14 Dec 4 - 1PM (Reply to #34)

gettinbetter

Well

I wont even go there with the donkey. That could be a whole other conversation....:) LOL LOL Or better yet he could come into to town again on one of his Harleys chaps stripper underwear and all and I could line him up with some gay men

#15 Dec 4 - 12PM

I don t get it ...

Sometimes I hate technology

It's so easy to send an email, text, leave a voice mail. I used to leave voice mails on his office phone at times when I knew he wasn't there. (middle of the night) I deleted his cell phone number ages ago, too much of a temptation to be able to reach him at any time. And emails, good heavens there were plenty of those too. Please don't be so hard on yourself! I will bet that he read it though, they love to know what we're up to. And so what if you gave him a small bit of NS - look at it as though it's your last Christmas present to him. And you didn't have to spend money, or time wrapping it. Something that has helped me is to write pages, and pages of an email, then send it to myself. Sounds rather silly, yet it allows me to get all the thoughts and feelings out. Then, I do a cut and paste and put it in my journal. Works for me, and I'm trying so very hard to make it all about me for now.

#16 Dec 4 - 4PM (Reply to #30)

StillHurting

Writing and not sending works.....

I do this all the time. I have a letter all written to the Narc. It helped me to get all my feeling out and worded clearly, etc. I also did a letter for this person I don't want to be professionally involved with. I almost sent it yesterday, but I will wait until after the holidays. I love writing and not sending, you feel better after!

#17 Dec 4 - 4PM (Reply to #31)

I don t get it ...

StillHurting -YES!

It's so cathartic! That last email I sent him (4 weeks ago tomorrow) about the bracelet, I pounded it out in about about 10 ten minutes, as soon as I hit send I was very angry with myself. I should have sent to myself, since all it did was give him more NS....but it's done, and there is nothing I can do about it. I am proud of myself that I've not sent anything further, and I've not phoned his office, no smoke signals, nothing. I hate it when I am weak like that, but I am done beating myself up over this stuff.

#18 Dec 4 - 12PM (Reply to #24)

gettinbetter

HAHAHAHA

I dont get it! You are getting it! you need to change your name to I GET IT! You sound much more cheery today I hope thats true. I have made progress for weeks ago I would have been crying about this instead Im joking about it. Even a month ago this would have sent me to the bathroom to cry (thats where I go so I can hid my tears from my husband and daughter) They must think Im having some intestinal issues LOL Oh I think you are right he probably read it they are nosy little shits. If he didnt the only reason would be is that he knows I know what he is and he couldnt stand to read anymore stuff that struck a nerve

#19 Dec 4 - 1PM (Reply to #25)

I don t get it ...

Not there yet, but I am working hard at it

He read it count on it - they are indeed nosy. They cannot stand not knowing. Years ago mine made the mistake of telling me that he had a tracking program on his email so that he could tell if clients received important communications. When our "relationship" went south, he would call me to ask if I got his email, I would answer honestly. Yes, or no. (of course he already knew the answer) Then I got smart and subscribed to a tracking program too, not as sophisticated as his, but it still alerted me to where he was geographically, what time, how many times it was read. I canceled that when funds became a dire issue - but he used to read my emails over and over again...yes, they are nosy, and will take any kind of NS they can get. Yes, intestinal issues, so much so it's coming out of your eyes. I'm trying so hard to not cry, not think. I slept last night, that helps. It's a day by day thing as you well know. I could be a mess in an hour, but for now I am grateful that I am not.

#20 Dec 4 - 1PM (Reply to #26)

gettinbetter

sometimes

It helps to find some humor in it. I mean I cant tell you how many times I have been on here just LMAO off big belly laughs in tears at some of the ridiculous things they do. They are really quite funny little creatures.

#21 Dec 4 - 1PM (Reply to #27)

I don t get it ...

the perfect word "little"

They are small people alright! So small that they get enjoyment out of hurting others. Children, women, waitstaff, anyone they perceive as less than or weaker than them. You're so right, they can be downright absurd. When I'm really feeling blue I try to think of the stupid things he did, of course he thought it was all wonderful. If I were not so dang paranoid that he, or someone he knows, might see this forum I would post them. I have a little over five years of journal notes, and a zillion emails, that I think would make for a great B grade paperback beach reading. I don't think anyone would believe it's non-fiction.(except for you on this site) No matter how high their IQ is, or how much money they make, how much those in the community may think of them...they are all idiots, all of them...too bad their idiocy does so much damage.

#22 Dec 4 - 1PM (Reply to #28)

gettinbetter

yes it is too bad

dont worry if he sees it. so what if he does? he doesnt know for a fact you are talking about him he wont even know that its you and who cares its all true. So many of these stories are the same word for word! and btw he doesnt control you you can say whatever the hell you want!

#23 Dec 4 - 2PM (Reply to #29)

I don t get it ...

of course you're right - helldweller too

I'm just not feeling that secure just yet. I still have this silly feeling that he knows everything I'm doing, and saying. I'll get there. I am in awe of helldweller, she is so brave, yet she does not see it. She writes as though hers is dead, I hope to get there too.

#24 Dec 4 - 12PM

helldweller

sick of it

The times I did this! The texting tirades at all hours, pages and pages of texts, hours of scathing voice mails. I still write texts sometimes in the middle of the night and almost send them. Ooo. When I found out about the other woman I went completely ape sh*t on his ass. I must have left three hours of voice mails, full of cussing and crying and screaming. Hundreds and hundreds of texts. Ugh. I know. Don't worry. It's just the humanity coming out under the influence. You can't afford to have emotions like that right now LOL I try not to drink, either. But oh, boy. I still do, and I still cry and cry and cry. And I just keeping trying.

#25 Dec 4 - 12PM (Reply to #22)

gettinbetter

I dont really communicate

I dont really communicate with him anymore it was just a weak moment. I have blocked him but its hard when you are little drunk and know you have access via email. I dont give a shit. Im done with him period end of story. The twenty year saga is over and I KNOW now without a doubt I DID NOT miss out on some fabulous life with him!

#26 Dec 4 - 12PM

helldweller

sick of it

#27 Dec 4 - 12PM (Reply to #20)

gettinbetter

Helldweller

You have to do whatever it takes I mean WHATEVER it take to get away from this man after this school year move your kids out of that school. I know it would be hard but not as hard as all of the stress of having to see him there. You have to get that evil evil man out of your life as if he never existed. I pray for you as he feel he is demonic. I have never heard of such appauling behavior from any one individual not even my own Narc Please please get away from him for you health and your safety. I truly believe had I stayed involved in this circus that I would have had a serious illness manifest its self. Your body is not able to with stand that kind of severe emotional stress day after day. It will manifest. So please please stay away from. I will pray again for our Lord to give you the strength to do so for him to heal you and take away any of your urges on longing for him

#28 Dec 4 - 11AM

gettinbetter

F HIM!

He doesnt deserve to breath the same air as I do let alone get an email from me. He aint nothin but a piece of shit. I sincerely hope I never hear from or lay eyes on him again

#29 Dec 4 - 11AM (Reply to #3)

blueeyes

Awe

SOI, you know I love happy hour as much as you do! I've avoided all social drinking until I'm through this pain. On thanksgiving, my family said "hey, you wanna beer?" I said "not with a 5 month old baby who will have me up at 5am". The truth is my sentiment and emotions will loose control and I know I'm vulnerable. :( That's a good trait to have sentiment and you have it! :) When the pain fades, happy hour will be "happy" again. Try not to feel bad about your email. Everyone slips. I love that "dust yourself off" comment. It's so true!

#30 Dec 4 - 11AM (Reply to #4)

gettinbetter

im just pissed that I did it

im just pissed that I did it but then again who cares right. The bottom line is Im done with him. It was alcohol induced and I dont give a shit what he thinks about it either way.

#31 Dec 4 - 12PM (Reply to #14)

michele115 (not verified)

SOI

Well, if somehow, chickens come home to roost...you've learned from the FUCKING best... Play his fucking game... Act like you have no idea what he is talking about and demand that he cease and desist contact that you certainly DID not email him and you find his ploy to contact you amusing but you are not interested...THEN HANG UP! He'll go off and scratch his head some. I made mine a member of herpes dating...he sent an email back that read..."Funny HaHa" I sent one back..."Have you lost your mind?" I don't condone or encourage setting this up inentionally, just saying if he starts hovering...deny, deny, deny... They do! THEN BLOCK AND NO MORE...AND IF YOU CAN'T KEEP IT TOGETHER FOR NOW...THEN DON'T DRINK PLAIN AND SIMPLE - I SWORE OFF BOOZE TOO CAUSE I KNOW IT'S A DEPRESSANT AND IT MAKES US DO STUPID THINGS...

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