Typecasting

The final D&D was one big lecture about roles, and the ex-Psych prof would refer to himself in the third person as "the teacher." When I declared my love to him, his first response was to NOT give me eye contact, and snap "I'm offended." Then he went on to accuse me of "wanting to call all the shots in the relationship." He claimed *I* was the one scared about the future&graduation... and in retrospect, I think it was HIM. There was such major disassociation that when I asked him for his OWN opinions/feelings, he froze. He'd have a deer in the headlights look. He knew that once I graduated, I'd no longer see him as a superior/authority figure. That I'd call him by his first name without shame (he doesn't even like his colleagues calling him by his first name) I got lectured about "keeping my distance"--and it's what you read at "Dealing with Narcs" websites about keeping one's EMOTIONAL distance. If the final D&D had happened 1 year ago instead of 11 years ago, I'm betting the ex-P would've parroted Lisa Scott, Michele, Goldie, Scoop and Steph. In a surreal way, he was plagiarizing sites on NPD. The ex-P wasn't capable of originality at the emotional level, let alone the intellectual one. I remember once telling him "I know what Augustine thinks. I know what Wittgenstein thinks. What do YOU think?" He froze with that one too.

That was my role too. Mr. N has always referred to me not by my name...but by my body parts. A typical text would be "I want to f*ck your & and ^" or "I need to get up deep inside of you". He also would ask if I loved being f*cked by his rather large "you know what". He keeps coming back around because he has me pegged in this role and it allows him the freedom to have his main girl and me on the side for his dirty fantasies.

Mostly just a puppet. Whatever he wanted I pretty much did it. Until he started in on the weird sexual stuff. I'm not a prude but I exited as soon as he started treating me like a free whore. I haven't figured out if he dropped his mask or he finally figured out the one thing that would shock and disgust me. It was completely out of character for the man I knew. My guess is that he had an eye on new supply and didn't need me anymore. As for yours getting married so quickly I'm really not shocked. Even though mine would flail his arms and proclaim he would NEVER live with anyone EVER again, when he knew I had no desire to move in with him, thirty minutes later he would say he would probably be married 4 more times in his life because he would probably eff it up. If they do get married it makes sense that it would be immediately, before the victim realizes they are just a scam using them for something, yours obviously for $$$$$. What does surprise me is that he found a woman that would do it that is older than 19. What's up with that?

It was how he referred to me. He used to tell me I was the prettiest girl he ever dated. When we were friends on facebook, I did try and see other girls he dated as per comments on his page. I don't care about looks, actually. I would rather be with someone who is average and fun. Who treats me with respect. I have been with people who are drop dead gorgeous and ugly inside. People who are dorky and make me laugh until I cry...and I have dated them, too. But for my N, he was digging the fact that he could have me out on the town as his "arm candy" He told his partner I was the most beautiful woman he has ever dated and his biz parter said I must be gorgeous becuase he has dated some beautiful women. Often makes me wonder if he ever saw anything else.

Sounds like my story. After 10 years, and engagement and a child later, I realized that I was the other woman. I am such an idoit for ever allowing myself to be that for soooo long. I mean, I know it's about and all. I know this is NOT my fault but I'm still in the very early stages and I somehow and blaming myself still for being SO naive. All the signs were there, I just never had anyone play games with me like this before so I ended up taking in and believing the lies that he fed me. Like... We were soulmates, no one understands him like I do,we are family and nothing or noone will ever change that, his ex was just so comfortable, he says he kept gooing back to her because it was always so comfortable to go back to since she was around so long.... I always thought that he wold one day realize my worth and come back and live happily ever after. But he NEVER came back. He made me feel worthless and left me for dead. He hasn't called in 3 weeks which is very unusual for HIM. He thinks that I look better than her physically, so he always wanted me to act like her. For an example, she used to yell and scream at him a lot to get her point across. I'm not really the type. I'm more reserved but you will definiately know that I;m angry. Sometimes, he would just keep ticking me off and eventually, I would yell and he's like "that's my girl! that's the woman I know!" I'm like ..."no, this is who you WANT me to be. NOT who you know!" He called me by her name ALL THE TIME. He made excuses like our names are so close, I'm like they are no where near close. Did they suffer for this????? Do they get to live happily evr after while I drag myself out of a hole for the next 10 years!!!????? So not fair!