A trying but triumphant day

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#1 Jan 5 - 4PM
aquabella
aquabella's picture

A trying but triumphant day

After 4 days of paralysis, here's what I did for me to start healing TODAY. It was really hard and I cried all day, but I did it!

Blocked asshat

Got in to see my OB/GYN who checked for all STDs under the sun that I may have gotten from nasty asshat

Got in to see a great therapist to deal with contempt I have for asshat (I can't seem to get past the fact that he will never feel as badly as he makes others feel. I want him to suffer. Does anyone else struggle with this? Where is the karma, the justice?) We're also working on my relationship with my husband and my shame and self-loathing for my own stupidity, and the utter disregard I showed for my husband, my vows, asshat's innocent wife and child that will surely endure much more abuse from him than I can even imagine, and of course, myself. Long road ahead here...

It was really weird, I called my OB/GYN at 10:30 am and his nurse said, we just had a cancellation, can you make it here by 11:00? And I could. Then I got back to the office and called the therapist and the admin said, we just had a cancellation, can you make it here by 1:00? And I could. Amazing good luck and a sign that my healing was meant to start today with no looking back.

I feel a little silly telling my tale of woe when so many others here have endured worse and for much longer than I. But I'm grateful for having found the site and to all of you for listening, and sharing your strength, resilience, and wisdom. It helped me find mine too.

xoxo
Lynn

Jan 6 - 9AM
Used
Used's picture

AN AMAZING POST AND VERY

AN AMAZING POST AND VERY HEARTWARMING....X
Jan 6 - 9AM
spinning
spinning's picture

Aqua, this is fantastic...

I am so happy to see this post! You are taking your power back. You are addressing the issues. It takes courage and guts to admit these things about ourselves, but once you face them you fix what needs to be fixed and move on! This is fantastic. The karma will be that asshat didn't take you down or destroy you or your marriage! You will THRIVE!!! He'll be stuck in the same old same old until he's old and dead. Actually, he is DEAD TO YOU NOW! Good riddance. Keep striving. You are definitely on The Path Forward now. Stick to it! We will help! Sincerely, (not) spinning. AND IT FEELS GREAT

spinning

Jan 5 - 10PM
janemarie
janemarie's picture

EXCELLENT!!!!!! I couldnt be

EXCELLENT!!!!!! I couldnt be happier for you!!!! You keep right on going....taking control of your life!!!! You will see progression now!! Fist Pump!! xoxo
Jan 5 - 10PM
Stillstanding
Stillstanding's picture

Blocking him is the hardest

Blocking him is the hardest step you will take but you will see how much better you'll feel. As far as karma I know it might sound horrible but I do wish the worst on my ex NP. I want him to suffer and I want to be there to laugh in his face. I would like to reach a point where I could care less what happens to him, wether it's good or bad. One day at a time and sure enough we'll get there.
Jan 5 - 5PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Lynn, you don't know how

Lynn, you don't know how happy that makes me to hear you went to the doctors and the therapist! And it all lined up perfectly! There's a bit of karma happening right there, it's happening for a reason! Make sure, to tell your doctor when you see or speak to him again that you were with a disordered man, possibly bi-polar and you are aware of their deviant sexual behavior and unfortunately, you had unprotected sex and need to make sure all bases are covered. They understand completely as soon as you mention bipolar or any disorder. Narc #2 gave you a beautiful gift, STD, that if I wasn't on top of everything, and had been checked out, who knows what would have happened in time. Always best to be safe.............in hindsight, safe, would have been demanding a condom. I knew it than and know it now, but I was under his spell, for the lack of a better word and look where it got me. Trusting a narc, is like trusting an alligator. I am glad you find yourself in a good place today. Don't be so hard on yourself on the bad days. They won't all be good, it's a roller coaster ride, but you can do it. Be thrilled with the good days, and accepting of the bad! You go girl! Great job and great news!
Jan 5 - 6PM (Reply to #4)
aquabella
aquabella's picture

LOL...My OB/GYN is like a

LOL...My OB/GYN is like a sweet, sweet grandpa. As soon as he looked at me I started bawling and told him all about the deviant, so he's got all our bases covered. Seems strange to call a day with 25 crying jags a good day, but it's all relative I guess. Being less hard on myself will be the hard part, always has been. But I know it's the only way forward. xoxo
Jan 5 - 9PM (Reply to #5)
TNR1
TNR1's picture

Hey aqua...good for you. I

Hey aqua...good for you. I am about to do the exact same thing since I last saw Mr. N around 4 months ago and that is the minimal amount of time before they can accurately test for some STDs. In hindsight..it was rather foolish to go back knowing that he wasn't just with me but the desire to be with him again made all reasoning fly out the window. Good luck and here is hoping you come back clean.
Jan 5 - 4PM
Run4it
Run4it's picture

Karma

So happy for your day of great progress Aquabella! yeah...those are all great things and a big step in the right direction. for the record....I think many of us with the Narc could really suffer, but from what I am finding here, they aren't capable of the intense, true feelings that normal people have. They are just very appealing zombies.
Jan 5 - 9PM (Reply to #2)
nomoredenial
nomoredenial's picture

Yay for you!

Doesnt matter whose story is worse or longer, we all got here for the same reason and sharing your story helps others. Im glad your day went smooth...and yes the urge to wish bad on them does lessen.