Trusting Again??

I was divorced last November and haven't seen him since. His daughter prefers me to him, and I see her and hear about his progress. It doesn't seem to bother me - though remembering things sometimes does. He bathed five times a day and apparently washed more clothes than I realized. My water bill went from $100 a month to $15 a month when he moved out. And I do actually shower every day. lol. Somehow that makes me kindof sad - like he was trying to clean himself up. Other memories are sad. The horrible stories about him his daughter tells me now don't bother me. The woman he is engaged to seems to be a real loser. At least it appears that his family thinks so. And I hope that is the case - that he isn't damaging someone. It sounds like he is better than what she has had in the past.

My ex is a Pinocchio. No emotional memory, very dependent, unintentionally cruel. Takes and takes without giving in the areas where he takes most heavily. Frequently insulting, while being apparently clueless. He knows he's broken and tries to fix himself. I wonder about God and souls when it comes to a Narcissist. It is almost as though they were born without a soul - pursuing a soul like Pinocchio.

I am supposed to have the house refinanced soon. I was turned down at two banks - overextended. The divorce wasn't exactly fair to me - but it needed to be over. I couldn't fight him. I needed to not see him anymore. He has threatened me with court if I don't get the house refinanced on time. I resigned myself to selling the house, but the thought of being harrassed in court, probably repeatedly, sent me over the edge. I have a no contact order. But, if he takes me to court......

I have a boyfriend. Kind and peaceful. He frequently reacts to something I say with, "What you must have been through to think like that." And that is the reason I am writing. I am stuck without trust for men. I've found issues, dissected issues, gotten over some pretty big ones. But guys want a lesser woman unless they are a narcissist - right? A man's ego cannot handle a smarter or more successful woman unless she is his possession - right?

My boyfriend says that isn't so. He's used to living more modestly than me. He has lower expectations. He has a good job and a decent, and very quiet life. We have been talking for months almost daily, dating for a couple of months, and he has never been less than peaceful. He says he has never found a peaceful woman before. He believes that I am truly peaceful. He says he hopes I will marry him some day - but no matter what he is sure I am his "the one". Women have treated him horribly. And yet he can hope.

How do I find hope?