The Trust ISSUE

11 posts / 0 new

#1 Jan 23 - 7AM

onwithmylife

The Trust ISSUE

I remember years ago when the EXN and I were going together, he asked to borrow #300 to buy a new set of pots and pans for himself. The guy made a lot more than I did at the time but I cannot remember if his credit was bad then or what. Anyway I felt like i was put in a real awkward situation, because that was a lot of money for me and I did not know if i would get it back, without having to nag him, which i did not want to do. So anyway iI said I don't not have the extra money now and felt badly and he was kinda mad and sulky for a period of time, claiming I did not trust him to pay him back. He was like setting me up for failure, if that makes sense. (In the past he had paid me back for small amounts like $10 or $20 or if I bought him some stuff, he would always pay me back).It is like they are always testing the waters for you to have to PROVE your love. But whenever I gave of myself, which to me is the most valuable thing a person can do for someone else, he never appreciated that at all, like helping him EVERY time he had a surgery or a real major operation once, that seem to count for nothing in his mind, strange isn't it????????One surgery his brother wrote to me and thanked me saying his brother could have never done it without my help and i did it all, out of love and expected nothing in return,He always threw the trust issue in MY face, but again projection, he did not trust himself.

#2 Jan 23 - 9AM

gettinbetter

Its not so much a trust

Its not so much a trust issue. Its that they feel we are just like them. They think everyone is just like them. One big game of lies and you just move your game piece around on the board.

#3 Jan 23 - 7AM

helldweller

trust

He was constantly trying to "catch" me lying or cheating--neither of which I ever did! Last summer I took my daughters camping and he was convinced I'd taken a guy along. He kept calling me to see if I would answer (I always did); asked me why my car was at home (I'd rented a van so we'd have more room); and finally declared "Well SOMETHING'S fishy. Thanks, honey. Have fun with him!" This, I found out, was one of the exact weekends he and his son were shacking up with the OW at her hotel downtown. And this stuff was CONSTANT. He was always accusing me of cheating and lying.

#4 Jan 23 - 8AM (Reply to #2)

onwithmylife

helldweller

do you think these guys have any realizationas to what they are doing, that they are projecting their gross insecurities onto the very people who love them? Or is it a secret wish to be ready to abandon that person before they themselves are abandoned ? It is so crazy because they bring about the very thing THEY fear the most!

#5 Jan 23 - 8AM (Reply to #4)

helldweller

I think

that they are so insecure and so scared that they begin every relationship convinced they are going to be abandoned. Then they fight tooth and nail to make it happen. The first time I left mine (after three years of his lying and cheating and after I found out he'd visited another woman in California and lied) he said, "See? Good thing I didn't marry you. You abandoned me." Truly insane. I mean, it really and truly is nuts.

#6 Jan 23 - 6PM (Reply to #9)

Susan32

The desire to be abandoned...

I think, deep down, Ns/Ps WANT to be abandoned. Because they feel they don't need anyone else. The ex-Psych professor would wax rhapsodic about how he'd die alone, but he'd somehow be swept up into universal Love,and become one with it. His favorite character, Prince Andrei in "War and Peace", abandons his fiancee Natasha to go off to war... and when she breaks the engagement, Andrei plays the heartbroken victim, "forgives" her, and tells her she can be with Pierre. He "forgives" Natasha, despite the fact HIS abandonment, HIS refusal to acknowledge her publicly as his fiancee, was what precipitated her abandoning him. (The ex-P identified with Andrei so much it was creepy... because Andrei is a fictional character) The ex-P would say he'd be like Prince Andrei when he was dying. Andrei has angry outbursts at shows of emotion (a common narcissistic/psychopathic trait) as he dies when his son, his sister, and former fiancee are weeping. He FORBIDS them from weeping in his presence, and yells at them when they do, ordering them to leave. Andrei thinks he's so "enlightened" that on his deathbed he thinks that "emotions are unnecessary." The ex-P said he'd get angry if his loved ones mourned him. His idol, Leo Tolstoy, wrote to Aylmer Maude in his final letter that he was going off to be alone. It gives Ns/Ps the reason to play the victim/martyr. Because I feared for my safety, I was the one who did the final abandonment without telling anyone I was leaving town. I was the one who pulled the disappearing act.

#7 Jan 23 - 11AM (Reply to #6)

fooled no longer

yeah, this is what I call

yeah, this is what I call inverted arshole thinking. They justify murder because they say someone put the knife into their hands and had already accused them of murder so whats the difference if they do it or not. really its seriously absurd... mine told me he cheated on his exwife because she had always been accusing him of it anyway, so whats the difference if he did it. ????? its incredible logic formed in the physco crucible! he told me last week all the terrible things he's done in the last few weeks makes no difference because we have different values so it wouldn't have worked out longterm anyway. Weve been together 8 years and married since June? this logic is sicko and is the best giveaway. run baby run

#8 Jan 23 - 11AM (Reply to #7)

helldweller

fooled no longer and others

LOL When I stole his phone and found all of his other girlfriends, he said it was my fault because I took his phone. He actually said, "If you hadn't taken my phone you wouldn't be crying right now. You only hurt yourself with your willfullness and sticking your nose in other peoples' business. Maybe you'll learn a lesson."

#9 Jan 23 - 4PM (Reply to #8)

onwithmylife

heldweller

ANYTHING to justify their being RIGHT................

#10 Jan 23 - 8AM (Reply to #5)

onwithmylife

Helldweller

I remember once many years ago, we were fairly new in the relationship and he had already at least 1/2 times discarded me, I said to me, a light bulb went off in my head, "You drop me for fear I will drop you" He looked at me smilingly and knowingly, and nodded, like I had caught on, but I did not go further or connect the dots.........

#11 Jan 23 - 8AM (Reply to #3)

helldweller

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