Is this true...

So I woke up today with alot of anxiety, not sure why, I have been feeling so strong all week after breaking NC with him on Monday. I just want to cry..WTH. Everyone around me has been telling me I need to get MAD and stop being sad. I have my good days and they have been more strong days then sad but I cant get mad and stay mad..Is this normal? Im not a mean person and I dont like confrentation. I figure if I just move on with my life and leave all this behind me..mad or sad it doesnt matter as long as i let it go? I like to just keep things to myself and try to just accept what happened and all this was a lie and hes a asshole and so on and so on. I think the holidays hurt me the most. I see him and his wife being so happy like nothing ever happened and that kills me. I want them to be sad just like me. I have an awesome family and they support me 100% they just dont get why I cant just move on and never look back..Its soo hard to try and explain. I just want THEM to be MISERABLE and i know thats not very nice but shit im sad so why shouldnt they be?? I live in a small town and I hear alot of things about them, we have alot of mutual friends and im soo nervous to hear about how happy they seemed on Easter. I know he is a great actor and I have to just remember who he REALLY is a liar, cheater, alcoholic, pill popping, NARC!! I want to get mad and stay that way..Do I really have to get MAD and stay mad to truly move on? Thanks for listening

justme