trading down

24 posts / 0 new

#1 Sep 16 - 6PM

ShaynasMommy

trading down

This really perplexes me, and I've thought about it many times over the years. Why oh Why, would our ex Narcs pick the fugliest, dumbest, most boring OW's to replace us? I know this makes me sound super vain (that's why its on the "vain" forum, folks :) But I am more concerned about getting this nagging question answered than looking narc-ish myself. I swear, every girl my ex n has ever dated after me as far as I know, has been a total dissapontment. I thought it was all about keeping up their images, right? Especially if hes the one doing the leaving, it would seem to be a matter of pride to "trade up" or at least do as well as before. They've snagged a big fish before, so they could do it again, right?

Ive come up with some theories:

1. They go into panic mode because they gotta get out of there fast, and grab the first thing they see for supply (emergency oxygen tank)

2. They gotta leave fast, and she's got the $$, car, etc.

3. Its taxing to try to keep up with us, so they look for those who need less convincing or have a lot less self worth.

4. They are actively trying to hurt us. If we were ever stupid enough to question them about it, they would give us some cock n bull story about how OW treats them a MILLION times better than we ever did, its the inside that counts, if only everyone else could see what bitches we are in private, blah blah blah. (or am I reading into this one too much)

5. they honestly can't do better. Not for a loooooong time after anyways. I guess that's why they often go younger and younger, 'cause its the young ones that are the most niaeve (I know, I was once)

#2 Sep 18 - 9PM

secondchance

i agree

yes all true. the new woman is apparently horribly homely (i am not)! whatever...if i met her i would yell "run, run, run!" at the top of my lungs. who cares who they pick as long as they are away from us!

#3 Sep 17 - 2PM

Briseis

The "OW" after me was about

The "OW" after me was about as wide as she was tall, missing teeth and married to an abusive man. She and exNarc had a remarkable barter system. She provided sex for drugs and a couple of cords of firewood. Was I gonna take THAT one personally?? In my exNarc's heart of hearts (an oxymoron, I know), I was arm candy, I made him look good. I served a function in his life. This other poor pathetic low self esteem wretch of a woman served another purpose. We were interchangeable. It didn't mean *I* was as "low" as she was. It means my exNarc was the worst most baseless creep of a man that could be imagined. If he could interchange me and her, him going to her was the best thing that ever happened to me.

#4 Sep 17 - 2PM (Reply to #22)

ShaynasMommy

Briseis

"If he could interchange me and her, him going to her was the best thing that ever happened to me." YES!!!!!! That's the best thing EVER!!!!!

#5 Sep 17 - 4AM

Scoop

Ok .. lets remember their

Ok .. lets remember their greatest fear is abandondemt . How ever they try and hide this i believe its true and i have lots of ahh ha moments if i keep this in mind , the prettyer you are the greater the risk they run of someone comming along and snatching you away , the more they treat you badly the greater the risk of you leaving , allthough they cant help treating you badly as this is who they are , imagin the pressuer building up in them .. on a deep leavel they know that thier days are numbered . So the leave and replace with ugly mug who aint going anywhere (sorry crass but oh so true ) Let us NOT forget what we are ladys and why the narc was so keen to secure us in the first place . You guys amaze me with youre intelect and youre beautie in every way , such depth we all have . The narc has none of this and by getting with us for a while at least, they learnt and fed off us and elevated their status beyond thier wildest dreams . Image is everything to them . The ow will be repalced by someone more acumplished in time but they are so worn out they need a place to massage their ego .Lets face it towards the end when the mask was slipping and the real psycopath creeps out how many of us had this look on our face !!#**#!!! and how many of us witnessed the rabbit in the headligh look from they as they knew they where being rummbled . The narc needs a mirror.

#6 Sep 16 - 11PM

almostlydia

I totally agree with #3 but

I totally agree with #3 but #4 is interesting. Hadn't considered that necessarily. In general, when we are with a very attractive person we all know we have to work harder because, let's face it, they got other choices. Kind of like that I think, with a few other things like better challenge, more fun to f*ck over and much more gratifying. almostlydia

almostlydia

#7 Sep 17 - 10AM (Reply to #19)

better off

They like big game. I think

They like big game. I think it all depends on availablity, opportunity, and the context of the situation. I can see now in retrospect, that mine was fishing nonstop... in a humorous sort of way, but you never know who will bite. For a while I think I was his primary target...and I was a more public one, a "popular" girl that he got layers of supply from, because he was "the guy that got the girl" and he felt other people envied him, he even said so. That other guys were drooling over me, but I chose him. I took most of that as flattery, but I do think it elevated his ego. He said admitted he dated his wife because he thought the other guys would be jealous. In private, he could not have asked for a more supportive and adoring and accommodating and intellectual and funloving lover (now i sound like a narc, but I gave him absolutely everything). He also got me to break my vows and religious principles. I chose him over GOD. That's pretty good supply. That's big game. BUT, that's not enough!! Nothing is enough! It became apparent that he had other things going on the side, or the side side, since I was on the side (tho I thought I was in the center), including homely boring women. Including some stupid guy that hero worshiped him because of his athletic status (that was in the PAST mind you). For a while I lost his attention to this idiotic fanboy. And I'm sure they all raked me over the coals together about me being stuck up or something. That would be just like him. And I feel certain he had other "proclivities" as well. Anyway, he got tired of me, he had me in hand, he didn't have anything left to "win." Check off that box. Move on. He did seem like he had renewed interest in me when we were both on facebook, because I added value to his package, so to speak. I'm attractive and witty and yes people like me, so he liked having me around to make him look good. Took me a while to realize that's all anyone is to him. We have a mutual friend that he doesn't like so he said (she didn't give him his proper due, doncha know), but she's beautiful and a lawyer, so she's good for his own status. And yet I can still remember him being so tender with me, and such a "caring" friend for so long. It will never make sense that he could go from that to speaking to me as if we were just acquaintances.

#8 Sep 16 - 11PM (Reply to #16)

almostlydia

I have a #6

the exN needs a cover for his new 'gay' life in order to look like he has the typical hetero life while he is banging away with his boys on the side. The old OW the exN is with now looks so old and so worn I feel so sorry for her. My good friend told me that she didn't even recognize her now, 4 yrs later, because she looked 15 yrs older. She totally did not know who she was until her husband told her. If she is like this now, I can't imagine what she will look like by the time he is finished with her. almostlydia

almostlydia

#9 Sep 17 - 5PM (Reply to #18)

Susan32

Not man enough to be his woman

The ex-P dumped me for an androgynous, rather manly woman (she might've even been taller than him-I was his height or slightly shorter) Like him, she had a crew cut. She wore pants. She wore tank tops. I looked like a feminine Barbie doll in comparison....LOL... There were rumors of her being a lesbian. It's understandable that in places like China gay men marry lesbian women in order to look respectable&have babies.... but here in the US????

#10 Sep 17 - 10AM (Reply to #17)

better off

Yep, they need "normal"

Yep, they need "normal" cover.

#11 Sep 16 - 10PM

gettinbetter

Funny I just made a post

Funny I just made a post about this one under supply post. Yes you are right. The more attractive ones cause them anxiety as they have to compete for attention. There anxiety increase from the fear of rejection and from the risk that their supply may be stolen from them. Mine used the term that I was "risky" I think the more attractive you are and the more attention you get the harder they d n d you. They are seething with anger that you are stealing some of the spotlight and they are pissed that you have caused them so much anxiety but they also love to "show you off" another term used by mine. I posted some pics on my fb page and some people "guys and girls" commented on them what happens? The very next day he posts some really Hot photos of himself. He has always felt competitive with me. So with that said, I believe once the novelty has worn off with the really attractive one they go for one that they absolutely fee superior too as they need a rest from the anxiety of the competition

#12 Sep 16 - 9PM

blueeyes

#3 shaynasmommy

Hi honey, it's Timmyboy and you nailed it w #3 was my guess. Of course I agree w all of them. Trust, then verify~

#13 Sep 16 - 7PM

Susan32

Going for older women

When I was D&D'd, the ex-Psych professor dumped a 22 year old college student (me) for a 31 year old curator (whom he married) Even my friends were baffled. I was supposed to be the younger, naive woman and he goes for a mature career woman instead? HUH? If he wanted an ego massage/trophy wife, I was there for the getting. But what you say makes sense- #2- She's got the $$. The ex-P and I mainly argued about money, tho we weren't living together, we weren't even SEXUAL together. We had NOT gotten that far. If I had moved in with him, or we had a banking account... it would make sense. He got on my case for volunteer work at an elementary school, because I didn't have an income. The OW had a sizeable income... and I assume curators have better incomes than unemployed college students. And better incomes than college professors. #4- That's funny, because after the D&D, I sang the girlfriend's praises, said how she was much better than me (financial independence, her own woman, etc) The ex-P was genuinely baffled. You could hear his jaw hit the ground. I was EXPECTING him to say how she was much better than me, and he didn't. When he paraded her around to hurt me, he didn't go the high school route of "watch me make out with the love of my life so you're heartbroken." I was surprised how LITTLE affection I saw between them. They didn't even hold hands. #5- The OW was a LOT more masculine than me. I dressed in a feminine way;she looked like his sister. They dressed alike. The ex-P couldn't stand me in dresses. I could be dressed like a fundamentalist Mormon polygamous wife or in a burqa showing only my eyes, and he still would've called me a slut. The naivete- The OW had an LDR with the ex-P. She never saw his behavior firsthand. Did she know about him complaining about my dating on class time? NO!!! She was in Los Angeles!! I felt bad for the OW. But, unlike the gay professor who warned me (to no avail), I didn't warn her, lest I come across as a woman scorned. Besides, I genuinely liked her. She struck me as a sweet, nerdy woman. Because I'm nerdy myself. I couldn't hate her. She was my twin.

#14 Sep 16 - 7PM

hooklineandsinker

Yep, mine's is 6 years

Yep, mine's is 6 years younger than him, whereas I am ten years older than him. I think she chased him on FB once she heard it was over between us (unless, of course, something actually happened between them at the wedding where they met, while I was napping in our room, and they just went from there - that was a week before he dumped me) and it was just easy for him, she was offering it to him on a plate. Still, he has to drive for 2.5 hours to be with her....

#15 Sep 17 - 11AM (Reply to #7)

ShaynasMommy

Still, he has to drive for 2.5 hours to be with her....

....and trust me that won't last. Narcs are effing lazy....

#16 Sep 18 - 9PM (Reply to #10)

michele115 (not verified)

Ain't that the truth!

I will repeat: Narcs are effing LAZY!!!

#17 Sep 19 - 4AM (Reply to #11)

Alive

michele

I 2nd that soooooo lazy, so true

#18 Sep 17 - 11AM (Reply to #8)

Used

Still, he has to drive for

Still, he has to drive for 2.5 hours to be with her.... Fri, 09/17/2010 - 16:26 â€” ShaynasMommy , thats if the lazy bastard does drive to her, poor cow probley has to drive to him, the narc only puts hisself about in the beginning as we all can contest to.

#19 Sep 18 - 10AM (Reply to #9)

hooklineandsinker

Used and S'Mommy:

I guess you're right. I can't see him keeping that up for long, especially as now is his busy season at work involving loads of travel, so I can't see him dealing with airports all week (god, he HATED airports!) and then getting straight in a car on a Friday to visit the whore. But she's probably only too delighted to drive to him (and sleep in the bed that I slept in with him. BASTARD)

#20 Sep 17 - 9AM (Reply to #2)

better off

I would not assume this is

I would not assume this is the only source of supply in his life. Most of them love love love porn, and they usually have at least SEVERAL people on a string. He probably finds her amazingly attractive for BEING 2.5 hours away. They love love love long distance, because it's so much easier to pretend that way. You met yours online, right? Narc Paradise. He probably still has match type accounts somewhere... email relationships, who knows?

#21 Sep 17 - 11AM (Reply to #3)

ShaynasMommy

Interesting about the porn,

I know N's are not all exactly the same, but I found it very surprising after we broke up, and the inevitable yet unappreciated status reports from "friends" stated that his interest in porn was emerging. I really don't rememeber seeing any porn in the house or on his computer (and I did check for these things, didnt trust him at all). Yeah, he started checking out more porn after i left in order to beef up his repetoire in the bedroom (ick). I didn't know he had a "repetoire." He mustve had to take a crash course in it because we were together for 7 years. But then, we all know they lead dble lives. There's plenty more that I will probably never know about. And I don't want to either.

#22 Sep 17 - 11AM (Reply to #4)

better off

Porn IS their repertoire in

Porn IS their repertoire in the bedroom... ha, he isn't interested in beefing up his skills, he's interested in having sex with his favorite person, himself. While engaged in fantasy and objectification. That's why they love it. And preferring masturbation over actual sex is an actual part of the disorder.

#23 Sep 17 - 5PM (Reply to #6)

Susan32

Isn't a mirror cheaper?

The ex-Psych professor was the subject of a HUGE number of masturbation jokes. He did like admiring himself in windows, he was ALWAYS the best dressed. He didn't need to fork over $$$ for Playboy (or in his case, probably Playgirl)--all he needed was his mirror and his hands. He didn't need to fantasize over handsome men or beautiful women... all he loved was his own image.

#24 Sep 17 - 2PM (Reply to #5)

blueeyes

EW!

I hate him!!!

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