Totally freakin ready...

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#1 Sep 10 - 9PM
Unfreakinreal
Unfreakinreal's picture

Totally freakin ready...

I had a small moment of epiphany today that I cannot put into words. But it amounted to this:

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!! WHAT ABOUT ME???

I don't want this man, I am addicted to him. As with any addiction, I will have to go through the withdrawal process. It cannot be avoided.

I am strong enough to do this.

I do not want him in my sons life.

I don't respect him.

The 6 steps make sense!

I am happier without him.

I deserve better.

I did all I could to help him. I am ok with that.

I am not willing to settle.

It's not a great loss, it only feels like I it right now.

I CAN DO THIS!!!

Xoxo

Sep 11 - 8AM
uk lady
uk lady's picture

I think this is the key - WHAT ABOUT ME?

It's when you are no longer able to recognise yourself and have morphed into him that you begin to question where "YOU" has gone. Like any other addiction, it has distorted your whole sense of worth and you are finally sickened by the reality of what is looking back at you in the mirror and where you are. You have reached the bottom and there is only two alternatives, stay there or fight your way out. Just keep hold of the thought that "YOU CAN DO IT" because basically they are not worth a backwards glance. Work on your brighter future without him. Keep strong. Dee x
Sep 11 - 9AM (Reply to #8)
Unfreakinreal
Unfreakinreal's picture

Thanks Dee

It is definitely a culmination of many things but during our *hope to be last* conversation yesterday he mentioned that he had finished a very long book in the space of one week. He never has that much free time unless he is without supply. Never. Depending on how his search for NS went last night, I will either hear from him or not. Either way, I don't care. I won't answer if he does. What a miserable way to live, as painful as it is, I refuse to be dragged down with him anymore. I am trying to raise a confident and happy young man (my son is almost 8), I don't have time to raise an adult at the same time. Was thinking about the last time he broke down and cried in front of me, I didn't feel sorry for him at all.
Sep 11 - 2AM
Pride and Shame
Pride and Shame's picture

Virtual High 5, Unreal!

YES! YES! YES! It's lunacy - it's craziness! It IS an addiction. We cannot let them bring us down - we have the power,and a great deal of strong positive energy, inside ourselves. I wish I felt so empowered all the time. Thank you! It's kind of like a Rorschach test - those images that look like one thing but when you step back and look again you see something entirely different. This forum does that for me. It takes this darkness, this secret shame, out of my mind and exposes it to the light. In this forum's broad daylight it starts to look very different..
Sep 10 - 11PM
Sunafterrain
Sunafterrain's picture

Freakin

interesting, isn't it? you just said it, you're addicted to him, but what did you LIKE about him? I did this exercise in type. Truth is, I couldn't STAND the fucker! He was boring, boring, boring. He was an infant about everything. Oh sure, there was the occasional "fun" but that wasn't really fun in the general sense, that was just manipulation. Mine wasn't very good at faking. I could tell he was fake. My heart knew. I'm so glad to be rid of him. Once you write out all he did to you and the reasons you DON"T like him, well......keep it with you and read it when you get stuck. You'll find that you get UNSTUCK pretty quickly LOL
Sep 10 - 11PM (Reply to #5)
FarmGirl
FarmGirl's picture

I wrote out all the mean

I wrote out all the mean things he has done. Now I will write out why I don't like him/ why he's not the right person for me. !! This forum will save my 4yo & my life...I'm fairly certain...
Sep 10 - 10PM
FarmGirl
FarmGirl's picture

Yes!! Me too!

Yes!! Me too!
Sep 10 - 10PM
juliamarie
juliamarie's picture

Rock ON!

You are on the right path indeed! So proud of you and your epiphany!! This is such a key step to moving forward... REALLY happy to hear that you're moving forward...moving on....to great things. Happiness lies in your future. Doesn't matter what he put you through...doesn't matter where you've been..it's where you are going that matters. Hugs!! JM
Sep 10 - 10PM (Reply to #2)
Unfreakinreal
Unfreakinreal's picture

So moving on...

I may get tripped up along the way but I can see where I will eventually be. And I like what I see! I haven't liked what I see in the mirror or when I look at him for quite some time. Time for a change.