TOTAL SADNESS

The fact that he feels no remorse or guilt, is NO reflection on you or your worth. That is a "lack" that falls on HIS shoulders, not yours. I get that you can appreciate that on an intellectual level......the emotional level, is a level much more complex and much more difficult to conquer. There are SO many emotions we feel after being abused, and I am glad that you are not going to "jump" on any of these valid emotions. Anger, sadness, rage, forgiveness from both past abuse from childhood and from the recent events......all of this....is not to be taken lightly. Each of these emotions need to be addressed fully; FELT fully....before moving forward. And you may have to go through each of these emotions several times. That is OK; normal and healthy given what you have been through. "I feel so alone. There is no happy ever after. There is no soul mate. There is just pure sadness and grief." That is a valid feeling Jen, BUT it is NOT true. You are NOT alone, dealing with the abuse issues ( past and present) WILL allow you to find a "happily ever after" and move past "sadness and grief" and lead you to finding your "soul mate"...... and ultimately the real soul mate you meet will be YOURSELF...... everyone else that crosses your path are just people that are FORTUNATE enough to know you. Stay strong. We are all here for you, but ultimately the person you need to "meet" the MOST is YOU..... Once you meet "her/you", the rest will fall into place. Guaranteed. xoxo

When I broke contact in March and spoke to x N for first time in 4 months he was very very remorseful, sad, somber and sweet. But that does not mean anything. He might be sad that he had to face me, sad that his behavior hurts his image of good guy, MAYBE sad that he hurt me but he never once apologized with his sad self and never contacted me again after he said he missed me and agreed we should not be strangers... I feel no better about the hellish experience of 10 years with someone emotionally killing me. Mine is just not a violent or mean Narc - he is a sweet passive arrogant Narc - my way or the highway and has abandoned every female he was ever close to. Maybe the truth is best - I did not expect anything of mine but when they are nice it fuels a little hope and then just more disappointment. Mine just does not love me.

I agree from other comments that are saying you are right on track with your healing. Your experience yesterday is a fairly natural hurdle to overcome. It is our last hope for the best from them and it is necessary to recovery to let go of that hope since narcs don't have it in them to give. It is a very sad thing, but it must be felt and accepted in order to let go. I'm also glad to hear you are going to deal with the other issues in your life - that is so good for you. Often times our resistance to let go is a fear of dealing with other, maybe even deeper causes of our pain. Like nasty weeds, it is so important to pull all the pain out by it's very roots in order to move forward to a happier and healthier place. Today you are sad, but this will pass just as surely as do the darkest days of winter before spring is renewed. ((hugs))

I'm sad that you have had this experience. You sound a lovely caring genuine person who deserves better. I know it may seem strange now but one day you will look back at this time and think ' Thank goodness I didn't end up with him - what a jerk!' You will get there. At the moment you are going through a loss and missing the man you thought he was. However he isn't that person and you are truly better off without him. We have to go through the grieving process and sadly this does involve some really sad days and crying. We have to ride it out. No matter how bad you feel today it won't be like this forever. Around November time I would drive around crying or sit at home in tears. Now I haven't cried about him for ages. I then went through an anger phase and boy oh boy was I angry (especially to every male I met!) I had a few road rage incidents and generally snarling around town at men like I was some tough nut (which I'm not!). Now I am feeling a little bit more towards acceptance. I accept I feel awkward around him, I accept he is a narc and I accept I do not like him and will never go back there again! I am a stronger person and less trusting but that's good as I can see I was gullible before. You are in the early days and it's so hard there's no denying it. Keep coming to this board - we are here to help you - you need to go through these tough emotions to get him out of our system. Be strong and look after yourself as much as you can. Stick with the good people in your life, eat as well as you can, exercise and take some time to grieve.

It's such a hurtful thing to find out that something that was so real to you wasn't real at all to them. It cuts like a chainsaw. Forget a knife -- this thing's got *teeth*. But in spite of all of that, it sounds like you're on the right track. You've made a decision to deal with your issues and to let yourself cry. You are *so* on the right track. I'm a newbie at all of this, but I already know that. Once again, {{hugs}}

I wish I could - I seem unable to do so these days, probably because I am all cried out and I am not often alone enough.....

You'll be better soon! This happened to me a few weeks back! It's very sad but validating to know he is very ill, we can't fix it! Be Strong Hunter

I was tempted last night and this morning, to do the same thing. But, I KNEW it wouldn't go well. There might not be a "happily ever after" but there are decent men out there. I don't know how/why all us women fall for these losers. When I found the OW (one of many) and found out she's a professor, it did make me feel less stupid for falling for him. They are very, very good at what they do. They need NS to survive and they've perfected the process of getting it. They do not care who they destroy in the process. It sucks but we will survive and move on, they are stuck in their endless hell. They will never feel true love or happiness or even sorrow. They aren't even human in my eyes.

This is the hardest part. When you finally realize that they are nothing but FAKE! You may not have a happily ever after with HIM because he's not capable of that but there is such a thing. He's sick and twisted and evil and you loved him. We all loved the evil psychos and it's so painful to come to terms with. I'm glad you are going to see a minister to help you through this and your other issues. It's hard to resolve it alone. Cry all you want and get it out! Cry until you can't cry anymore and then pick yourself up and start YOUR life. It's a long process and it's hard but you are strong. You survived HIM so I know you are strong!!! You have a chance at a wonderful normal life now. Hang in there and PM me if you need to chat! Hugs! Sara