Too much thinking

13 posts / 0 new

#1 Feb 4 - 3PM

Black Pearl

Too much thinking

My head is doing allot of thinking and i guess i just need some reassurance.

My Ex N sent me some letters because i have blocked him form everything via the internet. i felt ready to open the package.

He has thanked me because he has taken my advice and seek help.

He has talked to family and done some research and come to the conclusion that he has codependency as there is a long line of his family members that have codependency.

He sent me his research in the letter and marked what he has and i agree with allot of it.
He has helped put some of my mind at ease as he has taken ownership for some of his actions.... but he is still on the trip of his own delusions.

I get the stupid feeling to unblock him from my emails just so i can hear from him, read it but not reply.

I know this is a stupid idea..... but its what i feel, yes because deep down i still love him and probably always will.

I guess i am just extremely grateful that he is seeking help,...... and this is a battle he needs to take by himself.

So i guess i should just take what i have and run.

#2 Feb 4 - 7PM

Black Pearl

Thank you all :)

Thank you all for your support.... and you all are exactly right, i cant hold out hope, and yes i have to tell myself why i went NC in the first place thank you for the reminder Hunter. It hurts but i have to and will stay NC. it is exactly how you state it Contact= pain........ and that's exactly what it has done. I just hate it sometimes i think about it all to much but i guess as time pass it will be less frequent. Thank you all so much for taking the time to read my ramble and support me to stay on the right track XXXX

#3 Feb 4 - 7PM

StarLight (not verified)

Just stay strong, Black

Just stay strong, Black Pearl. Read and Re-Read all of these messages. We are people who have BEEN there and DONE that !! And remember----we Love you even if you make a mis-step. That narc will NOT LOVE you even if you're perfect ! Blessings. StarLight

#4 Feb 4 - 7PM (Reply to #11)

Black Pearl

Starlight

Thank you for your support and i am doing exactly that reading and re reading all your comments. it helps so much to be reassured to stay on the right track. Thank you so much :)

#5 Feb 4 - 5PM

Hunter

Bottom line ..contact =

Bottom line ..contact = pain.. Why did you go NC in the first place?? I love cheeseburgers love them.. I just stay away., it makes my assfat., I can justify wanting one from time to time., and the end if the day I just order a salad with fat free dressing,, A Turkey burger has less calories but what's the point.. Salad is what's good for me! Hunter

#6 Feb 4 - 7PM (Reply to #9)

Black Pearl

Thanks Hunter

Your right Hunter Contact= pain. Crap..... something i have to make sink into my head instead of hoping change may come.

#7 Feb 4 - 4PM

agnesmurphy17

Psychological Jargon

Mine was a master at using big psychological words & jargon. Mine had a PhD in Philosophy. Read psychology for fun. Even went to therapists. Liked "family therapy." All this reading & therapy was a means to better manipulate his victims. His first wife stuck in there 20+ years. In & out of couples therapy. Always living off hope. But the abuse got worse & worse. And he even abused the daughters (unknown to her at the time). Don't fall for this. When a relationship is over . . it's over. Sending a box full of this stuff is nuts & manipulative. One thing I noticed about my N -- totally unable to have a dozen roses delivered. What's with a box of psycho-jargon & articles? Sounds like it is all about him still.

#8 Feb 4 - 8PM (Reply to #7)

Black Pearl

Agnesmurphy17

Wow..... great just what you need a Narc who knows about psychology.....not. I guess the more knowledge they have on things the more tools they have to manipulate us. Mine use to try and read my body language and the tone of my voice then tell me something was wrong with it and ask me is there anything i wanted to tell him. Yes you are so right agnesmurphy17 i shouldn't fall for this i guess he found out his half truths, lies and cruel things he said to me didn't get a reaction just got him blocked even further so he will try and tug on my heart strings..... he knows i see the good in everyone and is hoping i see it here. Yup your right sending a box full off poop. After we broke up he actually sent me everything i had ever gave him back to me..... to hurt me..... and now he has the nerve to ask for it back. Still all about him..... its just a bugger that its so hard to let go of someone you loved so damn much. Thank you for your support agnesmurphy17 you have no idea how much it helps :)

#9 Feb 4 - 4PM

Sparrow

As much as you would like to

As much as you would like to think that he will change, he most likely will not. And as tempting as it is to unblock him, it would be a very bad idea. Continuing to read what he sends you, only makes the healing all that much more difficult. I know how you feel, and am sorry that you are going through this, but please know that one day, all of this will be over. Hang in there and stay strong!

#10 Feb 4 - 8PM (Reply to #5)

Black Pearl

Sparrow

Thank you very much sparrow :) That's one thing that i have to change about myself hoping that change will come in other people.... just like in Lisas book, this stuck out to me- the only ones that can change us is ourselves... i can not help him and i have to accept that.'to accept the things i cant change and change the things i can" I have read you message over and over again. "And as tempting as it is to unblock him, it would be a very bad idea. Continuing to read what he sends you, only makes the healing all that much more difficult."............ yes so very true. I too hope that all this is over one day hopefully sooner rather than later. Thank you for your support and encouragement to stay on the right track, you always word things so well to help the pain on the inside and also help people to look form the outside in. Thank you once again Sparrow your words truly do help me a whole lot.

#11 Feb 4 - 4PM

StarLight (not verified)

Yes. I believe you might want

Yes. I believe you might want to 'run'. His path is his path. Any of his spiritual growth that happens must be done by him. You cannot help him. And you will not help yourself by reading his emails. All of this does not mean that you do not love him. It means that he is responsible for himself and you wish him well in your Heart. And you are responsible for you. Love yourself first. Reinforce this by 'No Contact'. Deep down, you know that, also. Blessings. StarLight

#12 Feb 4 - 8PM (Reply to #2)

Black Pearl

Wow Starlight

Your comment made me cry.... why because it is exactly how i feel, it is as if you just read my heart... and that is something very rear. I swear what you just wrote could have came from my own mouth even more so i thought it, felt it but had not spoken it. Yes you are right his path is his path.... and i cannot help him but i absolutely wish him well in my heart.....i have to let go i think this part will take some more time. Thank you for your support and in depth understanding. Take care Starlight. Black Pearl

#13 Feb 4 - 8PM (Reply to #3)

StarLight (not verified)

Dearest Black Pearl....I

Dearest Black Pearl....I think ultimately the most *important* part is that we always keep the Love in our Own Heart. This is difficult because we want to *give* it away. We feel. We care. We twist in the pain of trying to Understand someone Else like this. We want so much to help. We love them so much. Then the day slowly comes---and it is NOT an easy arising----that we truly cannot help our Beloved. We can Only help Ourselves. This is another pain because we are about 'Other'....I have curled up in pain over a man like this. I felt his pain. I cried. I suffered. He did not Grow at all. In fact, he got worse....WHO Grew ? Me. I realize that the Love I gave away was what I should have kept for myself. I was NOT healthy to contribute to someone like him. A little Voice came to me one Night and said that I needed to grow in my Own Love and contribute to the Good. To the Healthy. THEY waver in the Night as I do and need my Love. The little mouse sitting in the corner who looks so bland NEEDS my Love. NOT the blatant psychological stage magician. Blessings' StarLight

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