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today

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#1 Mar 23 - 9AM
enoughalready
enoughalready's picture

today

Its beautiful outside and I miss the ex-N today for the first time. I don't know whether it's the spring weather or the 21 days of NC. I should feel relieved for never having to feel so confused and pissed all the time for his mind-bending games. I guess I miss the way he use to touch me. I used to think 15 min affection was the not worth the daily miserable- toward the end of our relationship, I thought nothing was worth staying with him. Truly loving someone and giving him the best of love only to be exploited was wrong and evil. Ok- I'm going to work out and get the endorphins going to wash away these sad thoughts.

Mar 23 - 10AM
TexN (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Enoughalready

We all have days like this. Change of weather, smell, something triggers memories of the guy we thought we knew! Thats why we need to keep our list of "things I hate about him" handy so we can remind ourselves of who they really are! Keep on truckin' sister & go towards the light!!! Lol!
Mar 23 - 2PM (Reply to #4)
gullablegull (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I do too

I still have problems, but I guess it's to be expected. It's almost been 4 months. We have court proceedings, etc, so I can not go full blown NC. I see a psychologist, but still am not getting through to her how effected I am. I can't go to the grocery store. So many things in there make me think of him and how I took care of him. I don't listen to music, it makes me so sad. I hardly go anywhere, for fear of breaking down and crying, and am becoming agoraphobic. I no longer watch television, or even eat the same foods as before. I am still in the marital home, and want out..but at the same time, I'm happy to have a roof for myself and the children, for he has manipulated all legals to such that we may end up with not one thing. The spring and summer are here, after a long winter...which I thought would help. But since we live on the coast, and all we used to do together was water oriented, it's making me even sadder. He will be doing those things with the mistress this summer..the new woman whose marriage he broke up too. I'm simply afraid. I feel so foolish that I've made such a mistake in judgment of character. I was so conned and so toyed with...and so were the children. It's hard to know how to move on, so sometimes I just don't. I'm afraid I may have PTSD, but don't really know. My psychologist doesn't seem to think any of this is odd? She has asked me if I've never heard of people moving on and having new families? I don't think she's seeing that he is a psychopath..a coveting psychopath. He doesn't just wreck others marriages..he takes those women and methodically destroys them, in every possible aspect. I certainly hope this isn't normal?
Mar 23 - 9PM (Reply to #6)
Rinalda
Rinalda's picture

You are a loving, trusting person--there is no shame in this

Gullablegull--I'm so sorry to hear how you suffer. When I read your words, it struck me how wrong this is. It is just wrong for you, the loving, caring, trusting person, to be left feeling this way. When I am in my sad moods, I forget the injustices he did me and feel nostalgic and grief-stricken. But when I read posts like yours, I get angry for what this a-hole has done to you. Taking a step back, the injustice is just glaring. You are NOT to blame for trusting. These guys are so smooth. And the damage they do, without even understanding how they've hurt and thinking only to get whatever they need at the time....I've been posting on the "Other Woman" topic here for the last few days, trying to cope with the pain of the OW on top of the disillusionment, betrayal, and grief of the relationship. Some of those posts may help you. Please, please do find a new counsellor who "gets it." It's bizarre that she can't put this together and recognize the the severity of it. I understand how the associations and triggers work. They are all around me--places we went or were supposed to go to, things he said/did, EVERYTHING that we shared. Knowing that I was heading for depression and a slow, plodding recovery, I foresaw pain surrounding one of our habits--e-mail. Though I have not managed to move on in many ways, one pro-active thing I did was to simply stop going on e-mail at night, because we used to write then. I don't have to feel the pang of seeing that he hasn't written me. I just don't even log on. Can you find NEW places to shop at, neutral locations with no "history" and make them your own? What kinds of things make you feel good, other than the old things you used to do? I'm not sure I'm qualified to give any advice here, but I feel so badly that you're suffering like this. I understand the pain....
Mar 23 - 2PM (Reply to #5)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

gullablegull

you need a new counselor - ASAP yours is NOT getting it and you are spending YOUR money trying to educate her ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Mar 23 - 1PM (Reply to #2)
enoughalready
enoughalready's picture

texN

Thanks for the encouragement. Been crying a lot today.But keeping strong and reminding myself of all the wrongdoings of him. Pray to God these feelings will end soon and God will take his revenge on him!
Mar 23 - 9PM (Reply to #3)
Rinalda
Rinalda's picture

Coping with sad moments

Enoughalready--Sorry to hear what is going on but I relate. I had one of those melt-downs yesterday. Couldn't cope with the sadness, and tears just started streaming down my face. I worked out at the gym and felt better, too. I also tried to think of all the bad times, rather than getting sentimental. The wrongdoings have to stay in our minds or the sadness takes over. I also prayed for help.