snowflake, this is part of the healing process. i am 20 months out, and i still have days like that (even though i ended it and that feels great). it is definitely worse in the morning. but after i go to work, and take my power walk, i am so much better. screw him! it is normal to feel like this, but just make sure not to wallow for too long and go do something for yourself, otherwise, HE WINS. remember that.
Missing either one of mine would be like missing a toothache. You will get there Snowflake. It's hard, this I know. Probably the hardest thing you will ever go through in life unfortunately. With each day, brings more clarity, and you will eventually get to where you need to be.
Try your best to not lay in the darkness for too long, it can become too comfortable. And that is not a good thing.
On days like today, accept your sadness, mourn the loss. But do not reach out to him. If you do, what you are feeling right now, will seem like a cakewalk in comparison.
Don't make the mistakes, many of us here had the learn the hard way. Learn from ours and trust us when we tell you that nothing good ever comes from contact. Contacting him is setting yourself up for the ultimate D&D and surviving that will almost seem impossible.
Take this day to reflect, regroup and relax. Hugs to you my friend. We all know how you are feeling and am very sorry........
I feel so frustrated..
I prob in all honesty had issues before the N
In terms of not living 'my life path' (I am quite spiritual).
I felt lost before the N came along
Not really trying in my marriage
Living AND working with hub in our own business so not too many outside interests
Only two friends
Then the N came along and seemed to mirror my life goals, intrigue me, felt like my soul mate, made me feel so IMPORTANT !!! He came across as successful, charismatic, business savvy as if he could get any girl he wanted..and yet he wanted me.
It felt so GOOD..I ignored the name calling, the red flags, I was on my high..
He wanted to speak to me all the time, text all the time, I felt so wanted.
Then one day it stopped..I couldnt understand it..I reacted..he said I was needy..all of a sudden the power tables turned..
I was devalued, disgarded then hoovered up lots of times before I found this site..I saw the hoover as an attempt to reconcile..I didnt know anything about Ns..so I took him back.
Then I found this site but was still in the habit of taking him back..
Then finally after the hours spent helping him on his website with no thanks I decided no more.. for me that hurt MORE than the bruises, the names..everything, never felt so damn used in my whole life.
So now..I feel no mans land..I have big dreams I know where I want to be..its just getting there..
I hate the CD..the internal fights, the sadness.
But yes wallowing is doing me no good x
I know what you feel like. I pretty much feel the same way today. I had to get up to take my daughter to school, but I'll probably go right back to bed. I had lunch plans today, but I will probably cancel them. This friend knows nothing about my situation, so I don't know what I'll talk about!
Anyway- hang in there. I will to. We'll be ok!
that I dont miss HIM. I miss the excitement, feeling wanted, special...he was so charismatic and he wanted me !!!
I know people will say but how can you feel like this..he was so abusive..but it was good sometimes.
I have read so so much on here and I know its a phase just trying to explain how it feels..
I miss hearing about his life, laughing with him etc.
Again, I know what you're feeling. And it's really killing me to not know how is day is going, how he's feeling about things. I miss the connection we had, and the way we looked at the world with the same sense of humor. Wow. I was almost going to say we looked at the world in the same way, but that is not true! He and I see the world so differently! I feel like he programmed me to see it like he does, and I am deprogramming myself now.
My suggestion may be a slippery slope for you, and you might not choose to go there, but it worked for me yesterday...I gave myself 1/2 a day alone to just "get all up in it." Told my work I'd be in at noon, posted here to organize my thoughts and feelings a bit, had a nice good rage (this was not just directed at N, it was directed at all my abusers from the time I was a child) , sat in the tub and bawled my eyes out and generally just exhausted myself. Pulled it together, washed my face, went in to the office and focused on my work. I looked like my eyelids were stung by bees, no makeup, hair in a pony...in retrospect, perhaps I should have taken the afternoon off rather then morning :-)
I feel much better today. We've all been, or are currently where you are and are here to support you.
xoxo
Lynn
I would suggest you make a list (maybe you have already) of the many mean things he said and did to you. Next to that list write how it made you feel then and now. Ask yourself if any of these things would be ok in a normal relationship. Probably not. I mean we put up with so much, the list has to be filled with horrible stuff. Now, the person who treated you this way is the same person who at times was fantastic and seemingly made you feel crazy about him. You can't get one without the other. No amount of good that he seemed to be was good enough to overlook the bad. A good man will not devalue you and treat you like crap. The bad stuff are all dealbreakers. We just didn't see it while we were in it. We are drawn in and get used and abused. Now, the list of the bad. Look at it and ask yourself why do you miss him?
Honestly, if that doesn't work, maybe you should just say, I'm not thinking about him. And literally stop yourself. Also, whether you work or not, you should get out of bed. Do something. Make a small goal. Go to a store. Take a walk. Do not wallow in bed.
Most of us start the day like this....I was just like this a week ago....horrible....but the BEST thing to do is GO to work and go about your business!!!!
GET OUT THERE!!!!!
It's much better than laying in bed all day feeling sorry for yourself while you wallow in your thoughts.....GET TO WORK SISTA!!!!!!!!
You have to push yourself....dont let him beat you....its about survival now....you are here on this forum and reading and educating yourself, youve gone NC....now start DOING!!!!! The only way youre gonna move forward is if you MOVE!!!
NOW....feel my kick....AND GET OUTTA THAT BED WOMAN!!!!!!
we all know how you feel
Missing either one of mine
Thank you
Get it out here where it's safe
I know what you feel like. I
I know
Again, I know what you're
Not going to break NC
I know
My suggestion may be a
I would suggest you make a
No pain no gain.. Every time
Most of us start the day like