quoting you freaked, I really like what you said about the nature of PD and God leading us here and protecting us...
"It is The Supreme God who has guided us to the Forum. It is not a chance happening...each of us has been gently led here because the Lord protects in unimaginable ways."
"a PD is such an insidious creature...we don't recognise the damage until too late...and then the Higher Powers in the Universe guides us ever so gently...into space.. a sacred space where we find friends once again...we receive love...we give love... and we discuss and massacre the evil that haunted us.."
It's not a lie, but it does take a while, and if you've only been 3 weeks NC, you've really only just begun the process of moving on.
Stay NC and give yourself the chance to REALLY let go and heal. It does happen -- I promise you. I went through the most horrific and painful break-up of my life about six years ago and it took me several years to get over it. Not an easy time but every day was a little better than the day before.
It's only because I got through that that I know there is light at the end of the tunnel, always.
Stay NC and maybe keep a journal, if it helps, to record your moments of progress. Time does heal. You will get through this eventually.
Hugs,
D.
I am willing to wait, just wanna escape this nightmare.
Dulcineea,
Thank you for answering. I have tried the NC (as long as 2 months) before but failed because everytime he ‘’took me back’’. I wrongly thought that he MUST have felt something for me (something very important), since he returned all the time to me (no matter how many Gfs he exchanged). That was my hook.
You said REALLY letting go. I never really let it go, you are right. I am somehow afraid to let it go.
What if he really felt something, but was not ‘’grown up’’ at the time? What if, inspite of his emotional unavailability, he felt something? What if I am making a wrong move by closing the door on our friendship? Is there any possibility that he somehow matured emotionally and only just dwells in the comfort of those past times? I do not want to make a mistake and punishing him for that. I still think about him as being a human being...But I am not sure of his intentions. Knowing the hallmarks of narcs...hmmm
The pain started after he dumped me first (10 years ago). It never went away. Not even when we were together again. There were times when we were intimate and I was silently letting my tears flow without him noticing them. He was there, he was with me but I was crying.
You see, I come from a strict family. Making sex before marriage is not well looked upon, it's straight outrageous, boiling down to family principles since generations and to religion.
So deciding to be intimate with him was a big psychological step for me. A risky decision. I wouldn’t have done it unless I was 100% convinced that we will end up married. He posed himself as my soul mate and then cruelly discarded me. This was really traumatic for me. A blow to my ego and to my pride.
Maybe I will never get rid of the pain of feeling so stupid to let somebody use me like that. Maybe me and my pain we will friends for life:)
((Many hugs))
quoting you freaked, I really
It's not a lie, but it does
As long as it takes...