throwing his crap away

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#1 Dec 23 - 3PM
Happy1
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throwing his crap away

He left crap behind that I'm assuming he doesn't want and I'm enjoying throwing items away.
It's almost like a goodbye ceremony.
But as I posted before I have a ton of anger and hatred for this man inside me bubbling right now that I've never felt in previous breakups. I know what he did this time is very final for me. He was living in my home with my son and I and we were engaged and he ran away without a word to my son.
I want to punch something I have so much anger, but instead I've been using that anger to get things done.
People at work mentioned to me that would have never guessed I was going through a rough time because I just keep plugging away and doing my job. It's the anger. This is why I've stopped the tears from flowing constantly.
I find that I'm still crying off and on but not nearly as much as in the beginning. I almost don't want the anger to go away. I'm afraid I will get to a sad phase again and I don't want to.
Don't get me wrong, I feel empty inside and anxious...very anxious and uncomfortable in my skin really. But I am a stubborn ox right now too. I'm pissed and mad and stubborn and determined he won't ruin another Holiday! He has ruined enough of those. His absence is a blessing!
Hugs to you all and I really appreciate all your support during this messed up time in my life. It's so nice you all understand this. I wish none of us ever had endure this to have to figure it out.
Happy1

Dec 23 - 7PM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

I love it

Hi Happy, I did the same thing when the ass went to jail. Part of the letting go process for us. I had a huge yard sale and got rid of everything that even slightly reminded me of him. Course most of the stuff I had bought anyway. One day a young kid his size comes to the sale and I said what size shoe do you wear? He says 13. I said, do you like Jordan sneakers? He's like oh yes. I have a couple of pair for you, almost new. Here ya go, no charge. He had gas remote control cars with everything, worth over 1,200.00 and I sold those for 50.00 on purpose cuz I knew it would piss off the ass if he knew I practically gave them away. My son got the leather coat and it goes on and on. I had a blast cleaning out all the stuff. All his mechanical stuff I sold to one guy for 50.00. I said, take it all. The rest got thrown in the dumpster. What a great feeling and there was nothing around my house to remind me of his sorry ass. I even threw away the bed, I was on a roll. The good part for me was cleaning my house and decluttering years worth of my old stuff too, it was very cathartic for me. Most of what he gave me was junk anyway so I had no trouble getting rid of it. He was a luxury shopper for himself and a bargain Walmart shopper for me. This is a good sign like you say. When we throw away their shit we know it's over. That little voice inside that says, oh maybe.... is quiet now. Man oh man, we deserve so much better. Kills me to read the stories on here about just how much shit we put up with and it truly is a wonderful feeling to throw it all away. One thing that helps me to let go, it when I think of all the places his "manhood" has been it makes me sick and makes me never ever want that thing anywhere near me again. He is in jail now so who knows what sick shit he is doing in there, makes me shudder to even think about it, so I don't think about it. He is now someone elses headache not mine. Sad but true, some other poor woman is probably visiting him in jail, sending him money, taking his collect calls, listening to all his lies and yes I'm sorry that they are, I'm just thanking God everyday that it is not me. Hang in there Happy, it will get better. Just keep reminding yourself that you and your son deserve so much better. God bless, Goldie
Dec 23 - 5PM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

Happy 1

I felt good throwing some of his stuff out, some i sold and a few items I could use i kept, such a coward when he left the state, I had been holding a boatload of his stuff at my place, he could not even come and get his stuff, because he was too "scared" I would find out his phone number, what a creep, it was very cathartic for me as well to get rid of most of his stuff and stuff i knew he really wanted back, not like junk!
Dec 23 - 5PM (Reply to #2)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

onwithmylife

Only because I know what a super tightwad person he is. He's the cheapest man I ever met so getting rid of his crap that he left behind does feel good. I don't want to hang on to anything of his. Nothing.
Dec 23 - 5PM (Reply to #3)
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

Happy1

I just kept a few things that I do not tie to him personally, but 98% if it is gone and good riddance!!!! I totally understand about your getting rid of all his things!