throwing his crap away
throwing his crap away
He left crap behind that I'm assuming he doesn't want and I'm enjoying throwing items away.
It's almost like a goodbye ceremony.
But as I posted before I have a ton of anger and hatred for this man inside me bubbling right now that I've never felt in previous breakups. I know what he did this time is very final for me. He was living in my home with my son and I and we were engaged and he ran away without a word to my son.
I want to punch something I have so much anger, but instead I've been using that anger to get things done.
People at work mentioned to me that would have never guessed I was going through a rough time because I just keep plugging away and doing my job. It's the anger. This is why I've stopped the tears from flowing constantly.
I find that I'm still crying off and on but not nearly as much as in the beginning. I almost don't want the anger to go away. I'm afraid I will get to a sad phase again and I don't want to.
Don't get me wrong, I feel empty inside and anxious...very anxious and uncomfortable in my skin really. But I am a stubborn ox right now too. I'm pissed and mad and stubborn and determined he won't ruin another Holiday! He has ruined enough of those. His absence is a blessing!
Hugs to you all and I really appreciate all your support during this messed up time in my life. It's so nice you all understand this. I wish none of us ever had endure this to have to figure it out.
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onwithmylife
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