A Thought...

I had a very, very, very hard time accepting the fact that I was "so wrong" about someone. It was horrible. I have managed people for 25+ years - hired, fired, developed, etc. I have a great track record of being able to choose wisely, both personally and professionally. I run my own business and was successful in a corporate environment before that. I am also the one in my family that keeps everyone together and a counselor among my friends. And it just BLEW my mind, that I was that "wrong" about him. But, I have realized that it wasn't really "him" to begin with. It was the "him" that he thought I wanted him to be, the mask, the projection of what he thought was important to me. I had a hard time trusting my own judgment in other areas of life and that was something that I had never really experienced before. Once I was able to understand and accept that it was the mask, I was able to start forgiving myself for being so wrong about someone. And I did love him immensely. Who's to say where one pain ends and another begins?

The narc can fool even the most highly trained professionals with their mask of sanity so i dont think we should be too hard on our selves that we where wrong about him . For me its not an ego thing cog diss is about holding on to two opposing ideas in the early months i would give my right arm to stop the crazy making swinging back and forth and i would have gladly settled for i was wrong about him if my brain would let me .I was traumatised with ptsd and im not sure ego has a part to play in that . I could be wrong , its morning here and i have just woken up lol im going to think about this one .. good post .. xx

But also... In most cases...the denial of closure so we're left tortured without a real explanation... We think somehow that a "meeting" will at least rid us of the CD because initially we still have a hard time understanding that such an affliction can exist...that such a disorder could exist... I think that it is natural to want to mentally process and we feel they are the only ones that can give insight... We just can't understand any of it and it's natrual to want to cling to the one that could give answers... AND we're stuck on that loop cause the reality is...they can't explain it themselves...they're disordered and can only speak in distortions... It's a Mind trip...