For those of you who think he is happy now.....

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#1 Jun 21 - 2PM
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

For those of you who think he is happy now.....

Many scholars consider pathological narcissism to be a form of depressive illness. This is the position of the authoritative magazine “Psychology Today”. The life of the typical narcissist is, indeed, punctuated with recurrent bouts of dysphoria (ubiquitous sadness and hopelessness), anhedonia (loss of the ability to feel pleasure), and clinical forms of depression (cyclothymic, dysthymic, or other). This picture is further obfuscated by the frequent presence of mood disorders, such as Bipolar I (co-morbidity).

While the distinction between reactive (exogenous) and endogenous depression is obsolete, it is still useful in the context of narcissism. Narcissists react with depression not only to life crises but to fluctuations in Narcissistic Supply.

The narcissist’s personality is disorganised and precariously balanced. He regulates his sense of self-worth by consuming Narcissistic Supply from others. Any threat to the uninterrupted flow of said supply compromises his psychological integrity and his ability to function. It is perceived by the narcissist as life threatening.

I. Loss Induced Dysphoria

This is the narcissist’s depressive reaction to the loss of one or more Sources of Narcissistic Supply – or to the disintegration of a Pathological Narcissistic Space (PN Space, his stalking or hunting grounds, the social unit whose members lavish him with attention).

II. Deficiency Induced Dysphoria

Deep and acute depression which follows the aforementioned losses of Supply Sources or a PN Space. Having mourned these losses, the narcissist now grieves their inevitable outcome – the absence or deficiency of Narcissistic Supply. Paradoxically, this dysphoria energises the narcissist and moves him to find new Sources of Supply to replenish his dilapidated stock (thus initiating a Narcissistic Cycle).

III. Self-Worth Dysregulation Dysphoria

The narcissist reacts with depression to criticism or disagreement, especially from a trusted and long-term Source of Narcissistic Supply. He fears the imminent loss of the source and the damage to his own, fragile, mental balance. The narcissist also resents his vulnerability and his extreme dependence on feedback from others. This type of depressive reaction is, therefore, a mutation of self-directed aggression.

IV. Grandiosity Gap Dysphoria

The narcissist’s firmly, though counterfactually, perceives himself as omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, brilliant, accomplished, irresistible, immune, and invincible. Any data to the contrary is usually filtered, altered, or discarded altogether. Still, sometimes reality intrudes and creates a Grandiosity Gap. The narcissist is forced to face his mortality, limitations, ignorance, and relative inferiority. He sulks and sinks into an incapacitating but short-lived dysphoria.

V. Self-Punishing Dysphoria

Deep inside, the narcissist hates himself and doubts his own worth. He deplores his desperate addiction to Narcissistic Supply. He judges his actions and intentions harshly and sadistically. He may be unaware of these dynamics – but they are at the heart of the narcissistic disorder and the reason the narcissist had to resort to narcissism as a defence mechanism in the first place.

This inexhaustible well of ill will, self-chastisement, self-doubt, and self-directed aggression yields numerous self-defeating and self-destructive behaviours – from reckless driving and substance abuse to suicidal ideation and constant depression.

It is the narcissist’s ability to confabulate that saves him from himself. His grandiose fantasies remove him from reality and prevent recurrent narcissistic injuries. Many narcissists end up delusional, schizoid, or paranoid. To avoid agonising and gnawing depression, they give up on life itself.

by PainPal

http://methadonetreatmentfor.com/34234/being-the-depressive-narcissist/

Jun 22 - 12AM
almostlydia
almostlydia's picture

this explains some things

I could swear on many occasions i actually saw mine struggle with wanting to stop, wanting to not need this, not to succumb to this again and keep his word to make things work with me. Then, after a day or two,because he couldn't do it he would work out some way to justify what he needed to do and typically hook up with someone else and do it. I used to comment that he was like bugs bunny with the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other. And the devil always won. To me it was exactly like trying to stop smoking which i have unsuccessfully tried to do many times. You try try try and then have some excuse or make some excuse to do it and justify it later. This is the intensity of the struggle i saw. I still believe there was some sexual addiction involved because it always involved sex. He even tried to use me to stop the 'need' by almost demanding to be with me on his usual 'sex' nights instead of the others. But after two weeks that wasn't working for him either. After major break ups he seemed to always struggle try to find solutions to feed the 'need' but always wound up doing what he always had done. I wondered if being 50 was also driving his need to have some 'normal'permanent relationship. I do believe he knew exactly how sick this all was and finally was just trying to find the easiest way around it knowing that he couldn't stop. Having finally given up on trying to fight the need, he was intent on trying to find the way to have it both ways. In the end, I figure i probably knew more about him than he does.

almostlydia

Jun 21 - 11PM
TygerTyger
TygerTyger's picture

Great article!!!

This is excellent...the connection between depression and narcissism. My N suffered from depression...periods of times he would refer to as "having issues". He would binge on sugar and sometimes casual sex. When the pursuit of one woman dried up he'd start in with another, like an addiction. After I dumped him he went into a depressive jag, downed his sugary desserts and then went on to pursue another female almost immediately...total overlap, get on to the next target.