For those who are mad as hell

my roomate warned me from the begining that he knew two of your ex's you abused, controlled and cheated on and what did i do? i defended you because your moms a fucking abusive drunk that runs a bar you get to go drink for free at i felt sorry for you and wanted to give you real love and friendship and nuturing how fucking dare you put your fucking hands on me how dare you lie to my face and cheat on me how fucking dare you tell everyone i am the crazy one when you are the one who is abusive how fucking dare you make me have a abortion how dare you threatening me of a safe place to live how dare you fall before me on your knees apologizing and telling me you cannot live without out me and know your a bad person how dare you tell me you want to marry me then tell me you never wanted to marry me how dare you compulsively lie to me everyday how fucking dare you question where i am when you were always with another women!! how fucking dare you lie to everyone around us about me being the drama and problem in the relationship how fucking dare you take everything from me and then walk away like i am nothing after three years of telling me i am your everything how fucking dare you sing i just havent met you yet to me to hurt me or sing im only going to break your heart mocking my pain how dare you pull me down and when i get up knock me down again how fucking dare you use everything you could to keep me obidiant when you were running all over town texting and fucking other girls? how dare you isolate me from family and friends how dare you mimic my emotions back at me so i am the only one apologizing how fucking dare you watch me tear myself apart over you begging you to treat me right and love me the way i loved you how fucking dare you walk this earth taking everything you can................

Why did you try SO hard to be with me? Why did you break up with your girlfriend for me? Why did you make me feel like I was wrapped up in this tumultuous movie romance filled with passion and intensity when it was really all about making yourself feel good!? You wanted to meet my family, know everything about me, talk all hours of the night, hugged me for hours, opened the door for me, dropped me off at the door in the rain.. you were SO sweet with the kids. SO SO sweet. They loved you :( AND THEN.. Why did you EVER feel like you had the RIGHT to treat me like an object? To push my sexual boundaries? To HUMILIATE ME in front of my roommate? To cause me to get into fights with all of my friends and family because they were so effing concerned about me and I still wouldn't stop talking to you. I freaking HATED the job we worked at together, I stayed there so I could be closer to you. Yup, I stayed in a shitty job I hated it for YOU. I also work with victims of domestic violence. You made me look like a fraud because you were treating me so horribly and I refused to believe it. You gaslighted me and caused me to second guess myself. You confused me, made me question my own sanity. Even when I knew you were wrong I gave you the benefit of the doubt. You're not even ATTRACTIVE yet I thought you were the cutest boy in the whole world. Then when I didn't comply with one of your ABSURD demmands.. after EVERYTHING.. after my grades dropping, after sleepless nights, after obsessing over you for over 9 months you tossed me out like I was YESTERDAYS newspaper. I don't wish bad things but I DON'T WISH YOU WELL.

And thank God, NOT my boyfriend, lover or husband! You dangled friendship in front of me, knowing you'd never follow through. You didn't promise romance... okay, not everybody's romantically compatible... having a girlfriend isn't what pissed me off. It's that you promised friendship. You knew that by the time graduation was around the corner, I'd be there, waiting for friendship. Instead, coward that you are, you ran from classroom to classroom, claiming I was making sexual advances on you. By then, you had destroyed your youthful beauty with drink&junk food. Who was going to believe you, when you had a beer belly, love handles (that's as much as you'll understand love) AND rotting teeth? When I told you I liked you, I cared about you, you raged at me, I'd be weeping, apologizing endlessly... and what makes you worse than other Narcs is that you clearly enjoyed it. What sort of student wants to hear their teacher say "I love watching you cry"? You said that. I don't mind your silent treatment... there was a time when I did. But that was long ago. You used my words against me. You falsely claimed I was a danger to children to deprive me of my teacher education program. Oh yes, you said I was strong. I never intended to hurt you... you KNEW that. What sort of teacher emotionally abuses their students? You said you don't respect students as people. You sow what you reap. You're not worth my hatred. But you ARE worth my ridicule, because I KNOW you hate being laughed at!!! If I treat you as an object of fun--something you couldn't stand--you know I will be getting my jollies.

Why did you lie relentlessly? Why did you abuse me terribly? Why did you cheat with counltess women & have unprotected sex with all of us? Why did you lie about people in your life like J being liars and whores? Why did you lie to your family about me? Why did you meet my children and put on a charade? Why did you fuck every female "friend" in your life while telling me that we were exclusive? Why did you allow me to be exclusive, waiting at home for you while you were banging every woman you met? Why did you degrade me, abuse me and destroy me? Why did you mind fuck me and leave me for dead like road kill? You are a scumbag piece of garbage and a disgrace to humanity. You are the equivalent of Jeffrey Dahmer and Charles Manson. You are a cruel, mentally ill man. Above all...you are a COWARD.. You are weak & I am stronger than you will ever be!

I curse the day you came back into my life. You promised me the world, professed how much you had always loved me, then you raped me for 4 years, as you were building a new home and future for you and your woman who you said was not who you wanted to be with. I could have accepted that and moved on knowing I had fallen for oldest trick in the book but there was more you bestowed upon me - you would not let me go when I wanted out, you kept me hanging on to hope when there was none from DAY ONE, you kept me in love with you by pretending you loved me so I could be used to further your sick perverted sexual sickness and when I never complied you dumped me to the curb like garbage. You have also scarred me for life. I will recover but I will never be the same, you took something from me I can never get back and will have to learn to live without. You DO NOT deserve to live, I will pray for the rest of my days that you will one day pay for the lives you have destroyed with your sickness. I wish more than anything I could take 5 years from your life as you did mine, I can never get that back I lost 5 years of my life because of you.

I hate you for ever coming into my life and contaminating me with your cancer. You lied to me, led a double life, cheated on me repeatedly, exposed me to STD's, abused me physically and emotionally. I'm scarred for life you piece of rotten shit. You deserve to be hung by your balls for 13 years like you hung me by mine, waiting for you to stop sending mixed signals, and make up your fucking mind...do you want this fucking family? But no, you tortured all of us, daddys home, now daddys beating mommy, now daddys passed out drunk, now daddys off with Ho #2 and isn't around, daddy didnt pay any of the bills and has disappeared again and now we have no cable because mom can't pay for everything Our kids have suffered at your hands, and I do hope you ROT IN HELL, WE DO NOT FORGIVE YOU