Things that don't add up

Everything stated here is soooo true!!!! He's simply trying to make you work harder to be his ideal of the perfect woman, to try harder and do more for him. Trouble is, there is no perfect woman out there because ultimately, we have needs and wants too and they're not interested in a real relationship. We are only there to mirror them and cater to their every whim. There is no woman out there who could only obey him and do everything right anyway. They hang their version of ideal love (fairytale stuff) on the new woman and sooner or later she will say/do something to either annoy him or question his behaviour at some point and the ideal love that we were in the beginning, now no longer exists for them. So it's impossible, their warped/unrealistic view of love will always be their downfall and will have lost so many wonderful women in their life because they don't live in the real world. They can't move past the honeymoon phase because that requires effort and a sense of stability and for the narc...boredom. Mine told me that since I left him, he's been walking around a black hole during the day and at night falls into it - he doesn't realise he's talking about the void in him. They're empty shells and are constantly looking for women to fill it, if only he knew it was within him and only he can fill it - they never come to the realisation because to acknowledge their true self would require courage and that's something they do not possess.

He is so unbelievably cruel to you. That "special woman" is a pure manipulation, of you, on his part. He doesn't even believe it. He says it because it works like a charm to keep you on the hook :( Believe us here, not him. He will lead you astray, and abandon you in the middle of your worst fears :( We won't do that. He is SO not your friend.

My theory is that these men are starving for the affirmation and attention they never rec'd from their moms. So...deep down, almost unconsciously...they want to make all women 'pay' for the pain and suffering their moms caused. I believe this. So, no woman will measure up. The narc I knew had a terrible upbringing. Heard things no kid should have to hear or endure from his parents. That said, he wants to make all women pay for that pain caused by his mom, namely. I heard the potential thing, too. As though all women are auditioning for a part in a play, and hoping and praying to get the main lead. *eye roll* So, it is not you. It is that he wishes to hurt you...he is now in the role of the person who hurt him, and he wants to be in the role of turning women away. Hurting them. Making them feel small. Because that is how he felt growing up. If I hadn't seen my narc do this to so many other women, that he told me about...including me...I wouldn't have such a theory. But, I believe it to be true. The one thing though. These men only get away with this treatment if WE LET THEM. I don't believe all women fall prey to them. Only those who are seeking approval from men. Not saying this is you, but this was the case for me. If I were stronger in myself, and didn't need affirmation, I would not have stayed with this guy...hoping and praying he'd finally see me as the good person I wanted him to see. WE ARE GREAT WOMEN. We don't need to be told this by these men. Who are they to validate us? Once you change that thinking, alibi...you will move past this. Once you realize you are worth so much, without his validation of that worth...you will move past this, and you won't care if he is happy with someone else. My guess. He won't be happy for the long haul with everyone. At some point, every woman will disappoint him, albeit for different reasons. Understand that, and embrace it. Because once you do...you will be able to let go of this for good. **hugs** for you...I know this is tough!

Alibi They are Bullies..Nothing more nothing less he is projecting the "Na Na She whoever it is is better than you" sydrome and theory ..we mystiriously don't ever know who is this perfect lady..we search with him in the darkest of hours and furthest of forests to find her..we in the back of our minds fear and feel she exhists..so we lurk with him in the search to find her we listen to his words to see if he will soon reveal her..Though she never appears..she is a mystery..Then you lie to yourself and say she is me.. Narc are dreamers ..they don't sink in with reality well..they don't believe in the believable ..they only believe in the unbeleivable.. Do you get what im saying..they don't quite get it. Don't blow your own horn or toot it ..beleiving you are this mysterious women who lurks in the night with him..she doesn't really exhists and he is well aware of that.. If you notice other victims in this forum say the same thing including myself that he's always putting you down and comparing you to this mystery woman who either is suppose to control ..dominate..or be persuasive of his life.. This mysterious woman he's looking For Alibis is his self esteem..not you..Deep down he's looking for that woman name His self esteem..he's not looking for a real physical woman..he's just managing you down and making you feel anxious and uncomfterble like he does..you don't want him to leave for this mystery woman who seems to have the perfect package so you wait until he reveals your name.. Your not a mystery to them..finding themselves is a mystery to them.. He is a bully who is playing the I can do anything better than you game..in this case replace the I with a She.. Don't fall for the self esteem sabotoging..he is trying to belittle and damage your self esteem by always chasing this mystery woman that can bring him the world.. She is irrelevent and will never grow legs and feet to walk to him..because she is him..his self..his self esteem he lurks..not a mystery woman Hope this Helps you Alibis..Hugs.xxx

I have heard all that crap before.... I thought you had the potentional to BE THE ONE!! What a load of crap! They all say that crap to make us feel bad and feel we aren't worthy of them or something. It's all lies!! They are not worthy of US!!! Don't fall for any of it please. Look within yourself. You are a far better person than this man (and I use that term loosely). He doesn't deserve you or your gift of loving.

and face it we can never be a good supply source ever again.,.we know and see too much..the fact that we are on this board taints their supply...they will always have to find fresh..but it will always end up the same...if we were in a relationsjhip with them and they thought we were the one. i bet you every single one of us wounld end up wanting to leave

ugh these n's are sick and play the same games. my exn dangled a carrot for 8 yrs, and everytime he would escape and make up a believable excuse it left me feeling the way you did. i look back and think..well why did he leave? did he really need to get closer to God, work alot, take care of stuff, see if he loved me or would miss me...get whole, read his bible, deal with some stuff, or see if we were meant to be. NO.. It was when he had other stuff going on, coworkers to hangout with for months, church groups and frieds to get attention from, and family to dote on him...or to just keep distance and time away right when i started to aske for my needs met or expected more from him.,.it never failed on that one...they will always leave because we got too close and told them how it is or expected a normal relationship..then in their stupid heads they think there is the one out there that will take all their doubts away and be perfect..yes for a short time but nevber....all these yrs my ex n never went with another woman, just other supply sources and i was always blind and willing to let him back because i was so confsued and brainwashed bceause he made me that way. s i get healthier i finally left a yr and half ago because he was trying to do it again and said..well im not sure if im in love with you..maybe i am but sometimes i feel nothing and im not sure if its in general or for you..and if we were supposed to be together you wouldnt fight so much with me over things.. ( what fantasy land) i did leave and wouldnt let him back 6 motntsh later when he tried to come back through email of cousre for 6 monts. finally when he knew i was really done..he apparently met a woman that was successful and had a kid ..had a penthouse and he gave up everyhting in his life to move to atlanta with her.he gave me crap for 8 yrs..so you can imagine the pain i felt when he told me this a few weeks ago. they lived together for 3 months and he lost everyhting here. his job apt, sold everything..and now he supposeldy loves me and never loved her and that she was crazy..of course she was crazy??? because she porb turned inot us ! haha.anyway he said everything i have always wanted to hear and he came to visit..told me he was rebuilding his life and that he is sorry and realized how amazing and valuable i was..as soon as i saw him after his pursuit..he dropped off the face of teh earth..i was differnt i wasnt the same easy ..doing everting, falling for it person anymore..also he was afraid that i would expect intimacy and a real relationship.he will go off and keep looking for the one and im sure he will be back if he doesnt find it..he never will..its not another person that is going to fix this..he needs fixing..i still struggle with thinking im not enough. and that he may not be attarcted to me..but deep down i know for all of us its their issues and they want us confused and strung along so we are always there when and if they need us and that we except their behavor necause look they leave us thinking we are ugly and not worth it..so why wouldnt we. i am so sorry this happened to you. sorry for blabbing i just wanted to give you some sort of validation and comfort. we can restart NC together...i messed up and now it just showed me ...it really is them and no matter what they are most likely in this ingrained pattern forever.

All I can say is Im sorry. Its a head Fuck!! Stay Away. After reading all of this today im not sure why I even considered calling my Narc to wish him a Merry Christmas. Yuck!! Stay Away read all you can and stop trying to figure out the mind of a nut. Lot of Love Idealk

Yep. These pathologicals get inside your head. That is the nature & the mystery of the pathological relationship with a personality disordered individual. Me. I am so finished with my N. I never want any contact. I do not miss him for a second. But still last night I had a dream about him. That's why it's called "malignant" narcissism. As cancer cells are evil twins of heathy cells -- these pathologicals are evil twins of normal human beings. When a good person gets wrapped up in an evil person the trajectory for cataclysm is ramped up. Stop thinking about him. Why he did this or that? What would have been good enough? He never thinks of you. If he does it's because he wants something in the moment . . . but it's only fleeting & without constancy. Think only about yourself & getting over this maligancy which got a hold over you through very little fault of your own. You were duped once. But don't get fooled again.

Manipulator extraordinaire. This guy's words are so full of shit. I don't even know where to begin. He is playing you all over the place. He set you up to keep you on the hook with the initial phone cal, they know how we are. A call, a text, a comment and we're off and running. You need to stay far far away from this one. He reminds me of my son's father. He used to come up with very similar comments and finally I was like, what the f are you talking about, none of this makes any sense. All contradictions to keep you guessing, confused, attatched, hopeful, afraid, and sadly it works or they wouldn't do it. This guy has no clue what he wants aside from a puppy dog at his beck and call. I say f him and the f ing train he came on, ignore him and it will get better. Sorry it hurts so much now, there is nothing wrong with you he is screwing with your head big time. I wouldn't take too much stalk in some of those tests. Some of them are quite easy to beat if you are a sociopath and this guy sounds like one to me. No wonder they are changing the DSM, most of these Narcs are antisocial. What healthy guy says this shit??? Give it time away from him and your head will clear once again and you will remember what a sick freak this guy really is. You are confused because this is how he wants you to feel not because there is anything confusing going on here, apart from his barage of manipulative comments. When you break N/C it is perfectly normal for the head stuff to start up again and in time it will simmer down again and you will get your own thougths back. I was shocked the first time I started laughing again. There was not too much of that going on when I was with the Narc towards the end, just mass confusion. God bless, Goldie

no she doesnt exsist, their is no one out there who "WILL MAKE THEIR HEART LEAP, thats why they talk like that, they have no feelings ,in the beginning we make their heart leap, cos we are new conquests,and that is all, and once conquered, that oomph goes for them, this is the way it will always be for for them, i had emotional relationship with exn, so a lot of talking[him] a lot of listening[me], i came to know what made him tick, that initial, oh the first buzz, its there but it doesnt last, our em relationship was fine for 3years, very intense but i had told him i didnt do pyshical, so that was fine, until he "found out", i had another male freind besides him, then the chase was on for him, i was the one, he wanted to take it to another level, he said he loved me and so on, but by them i saw him for what he was was and what he had already made me relize who he was. he wanted me in a big way, he was addicted, obsessed, but all it was about was the thrill of the chase, he used to shake with anger telling me to get rid of the om, i wouldnt[he had loads of w/f], but i wasent allowed to.. so isaw first hand where his thrill was coming from, i began getting out. alibi, THE ONE is not out there, may be for, 5minutes, 5weeks, 5mnths....she is not out their..please please believe me. i knew this man as well as i knew myexh of 31 one years..please dont fret ..SHE DOESNT EXSIST.. i wasent even jealous of his women, b/c i knew the score, the same women he would be raving about ,how beautiful she was how great, a month later he had nothing good to say about her. please believe what i am saying and take heart,it isnt going to happen......xxx