There is something seriously wrong with me

21 posts / 0 new

#1 Feb 17 - 10PM

Piscesdream

There is something seriously wrong with me

I can feel it. I am like borderline or something. I am constantly obsessed with the idea of him lurking around a corner and being nosey. I can't let it go! Everyone says, "he's worthless"...why can't I just say, "yeah" and leave it at that? I know I annoy the hell out of some of my friends by me obsessing over my paranoia. Why can't I just let it go? I always feel sheepish after talking about him. I know I annoy people about all of it! I shouldn't be talking about him AT ALL. Why can't I just let it all go? Why do I always overreact (I've done that since I was a kid)? Ugh...I'm going to lose friends because of this. Not because of him, but because of my obsession.

#2 Feb 18 - 12PM

rache

i think

you do need a complete psychological workup done.Your therapist SHOULD have done this!!!!!!!!!! INSIST on her doing it or sending you somewhere where they know what to do.HECK,if,you suspect something she should have had her head out of her behind to have noticed dont you agree?

#3 Feb 18 - 11AM

TexN (not verified)

Pisces

Do you think you may have OCD? If you obesse about other things (& not just him), you may want to ask a dr. .???

#4 Feb 18 - 11AM (Reply to #17)

Piscesdream

I don't know. We all have a

I don't know. We all have a little OCD in us about little things. I don't think I'm obsessive about anything else though. I don't feel like I am.

#5 Feb 18 - 11AM (Reply to #18)

TexN (not verified)

I understand what u said

I understand what u said bout driving your friends crazy! They can all see it as plain as day! By the way, if thats u in the pic, you're a beautiful girl! Too bad we all had to meet such jerks when all we wanted to do is love them. Like someone mentioned, be very glad u didn't get pregnant by him! For some of us, we will always have to deal with them cos of the children...

#6 Feb 18 - 11AM (Reply to #19)

Piscesdream

Well, I'll just say thank

Well, I'll just say thank God I didn't have a baby with him! I am 98% sure I got pregnant...but I don't want to think about that! =) Nature had a way of taking care of it.

#7 Feb 18 - 6AM

ForeverLearning

If Your Reading Articles Here, You Are Calm For That Moment

Barbara knows what she is talking about when she says you need to read all of the information posted here. She left you links below, please take the time to thoroughly read every single one of them. It's like medicine for your obsession, it is going to help you get through your ordeal. What helps the most is the deeper understanding you will gain over time, of this complex situation....... and also knowing that you are not alone and not the first to experience this phenomenon. Another positive thing - if you are reading, at that very moment, you aren't bothering friends or your Dad talking about the loser, and driving everyone nutty with it! You know "Knowledge is Power". Wouldnt you rather be powerful, and have the power to become calm and at peace..... or ignorant and forever be a spazzed out basket case over this loser? Keep reading, it is going to help heal you. And then your duty in life (all part of good "Karma" for you, my dear) is to take the knowledge you have gained and help others who get burned by a Narcissist. Someday you will be the one, helping someone else. Believe it! The horse is out of the barn, the cat is out of the bag, there's no going back to being ignorant, you are on your way to being a smarter human being now. Freakin Awesome isn't it? Yes it is!

#8 Feb 18 - 8AM (Reply to #15)

reneek

Way cool what you write

Love it -- love it -- love it ! She will get better --- it is just like anything else it will take time. Pisces, be grateful that you don't have children with him -- once you release yourself from the prison in your mind you will be a free bird and a wise bird ! Foreverlearning couldn't have been more profound.

a woman learning to love again

#9 Feb 18 - 12AM

Jessika (not verified)

PiscesJNJ

I do 'feel' your intensity... however that doesn't necessarily mean you have a personality disorder. A professional can determine this for you. Additionally, after my relationship ended (within the first 5-6 months after he left) I NEEDED to discuss it all the time. I nearly lived on this message board, asking numerous questions. At the end of my relationship (had it not been for my educational background) I would have thought I had paranoid personality disorder. I certainly behaved like it. However, all it was was a REACTION to his pathology. It is highly possible Pisces that your current state of mind is in reaction to going through such a violating relationship of betrayal with a narcissist. Personality disorders are longstanding and not just composed of one symptom (i.e., obsession). If you are really concerned and need to know for sure, arrange a visit with a psychologist who will be able to make this determination for you. They will review your complete history and not just this time period in order to determine if you truly meet criteria. You can, of course always review the criteria yourself of the various personality disorders via DSM-IV. Just be careful self diagnosing during this period... bc like I said if i weren't in the mental health field I certainly would have erroneously thought I had PPD (paranoid personality disorder) bc I was a mess- particularly at the end of the relationship. Many of us hear suffer (ed) with PTSD, depression, sleep disorders, or some of the various anxiety disorders. Those are the easy ones to identify. Regarding you overwhelming need to discuss it-- well Pisces we have all been there. Yes you will NEED to talk about it.. your brain won't allow it any other way for a while. It 'wants' to process this bc the behavior of the narc is SO offensive, hurtful, selfish, and abnormal beyond what most of us can even comprehend or believe. All I can say about discussin it is that you may want to be careful about who and how much you discuss it with others. That is why message boards like this are helpful, because it doesn't overwhelm your friends and also friends who haven't been involved with a narc will not be able to relate. During this time period you will really learn who is truly your friends. You will be able to clearly see who the OTHER nars are who have been in your life as well. After my ex left.. it was only then that I realized I hung out with 4 other narc friends every week. I have gone NC on ALL of them and very pleased that I did! Good luck with everything and keep talking about it with us.. we understand the need. Jessika

#10 Feb 18 - 12AM (Reply to #13)

Piscesdream

((hugs))

Thank you.

#11 Feb 17 - 11PM

nycsurvivor

Perhaps it's OCD?

Have you considered you may have obsessive compulsive disorder, which is an anxiety disorder? You tend to think about the same things again and again, and cannot stop thinking about it. Maybe you should try some thought-stopping techniques? The reason I say that is it's helped me immensely. In the past, I will ask my family and close friends the same questions again and again, after a breakup, but then I learned how to stop myself from obsessing about the same questions, issues, etc. It's been so freeing for me. You should google it some thought-stopping techniques. It will really improve everything. You can rely on yourself, as opposed to others, to calm yourself down. To reassure yourself. It's very empowering.

#12 Feb 17 - 11PM (Reply to #9)

Piscesdream

Yeah, that definitely sounds

Yeah, that definitely sounds more like me. I will definitely look some techniques up. Thank you. I am trying to do my breathing techniques that my therapist suggested to me, but even tonight when I had my panic attack I couldn't do it! So I'll google some ideas for my thoughts. Thank you!

#13 Feb 17 - 11PM (Reply to #10)

nycsurvivor

For anxiety attacks...

you should think of a time that you felt this same panicked way. And reassure yourself that you were able to get through it, and just like you were able to get through it before, you will get through it again. Be kind to yourself. You are stronger than you think. Anyone in your shoes would be very upset. First, you have to deal with the N, and then the betrayal by your best friend tonight. You're dealing with a lot.

#14 Feb 17 - 11PM (Reply to #11)

Piscesdream

Okay, good tip. Thank you!

Okay, good tip. Thank you! ((hugs))

#15 Feb 17 - 11PM

reneek

you've been traumatized and violated

of course you need to talk about it ... it doesn't make you borderline. Have you read the DSM criteria? Do you fall under those categories? If you are worried that you are borderline just because you are obsessing (which most of us do because they mess with our head so much) you are just being paranoid. If you really think you might have borderline you need to get help as Barbara said it is treatable.

a woman learning to love again

#16 Feb 17 - 11PM (Reply to #2)

Piscesdream

I've always been someone to

I've always been someone to obsess over a break-up. But I haven't ever been obsessed with the idea of someone trying to purposely sabatoge me in any way before. I just wish I could look at it as my friends and others who know him do: whatever. He's a loser. Don't let him get to you. But instead, I obsess over everything and I DO let him get to me. I can't stop. I just feel so embarassed by the fact that I freak out sooo much over my paranoia with him. My Dad is right: I need to forget about everything that has to do with him. I need to relax. But it's soooo hard. I don't want to be someone who ends up alone without any friends because I annoy them so much with my constant whining about my stupid ex.

#17 Feb 18 - 5AM (Reply to #6)

cynthia (not verified)

This is the destruction they do to us

I don't want to be someone who ends up alone without any friends because I annoy them so much with my constant whining about my stupid ex. Did you read the post about "When people tell you to just get over it?" A big lesson I learned DONT EXPECT EVEN YOUR CLOSEST FRIENDS TO UNDERSTAND THIS experience. For a period my closest friend could not understand why I cant move on from this creep, that is how she said it. She thought it would be so simple, she kept saying if some man did that to me I would be furious it would be over just like that and I would move on and never look back. Problem is they are still with us long after they are gone. What you are going through now you can thank him for that. You remember him dont you, the one that said you were the one, the one that said he loved you, the one that held you? Its one thing if a relationship fails but it quite another to know that the relationship you were in was nothig but a con and lie from day one. All the relationships that failed in my life at least I knew they truly did love me at one time and we were either too young or we grew apart for various reasons. When a man 54 years old displays this kind of behavior in his relationships you know its a clear sign you have been with someone that is just not right. I too lost my job because of this trauma. I was let go because I could not focus. Now can you imagine something so silly as that, not being able to focus properly when you have become the victim of a sociopath? LOL I was there almost six years at the hospital, I lost sooo much to this freak. I thought maybe its because I am not a very strong person and cant handle trauma, well I never had trauma in my life like this before, violated, emotionally and physically raped by a predator. I was registering a patient once for surgery and she was an older lady around 70 and she pulled on this book about Narcissists and she showed it to me. Now mind you I never talked to my patients about anything but the weather or their surgery and she said right out of the blue, I just found out my husband is a narcissist, my mouth must have dropped open about 10 feet, and she said do you know what that is a narcissist? I said yes I have read about it (if she only knew) She said its a terrible thing honey it explains what he has been all our married life, they cant love anyone and they arent right in the head. I thought boy you can say that again she was a chatter box and needed to talk to someone about it I guess, poor thing married 50 years to him. She also said this book has helped me so much to realize it was NEVER me all the years I wondered what was wrong and now I know. I thought maybe that was some kind of message sent to me because it was really strange. I never told her because I couldnt, I was working and I had to be professional but I will never forget her. I too had these obsessive thoughts you are experiencing, I still do. Dont expect your friends to understand, quit trying to make them understand and know this is something in your life that happened to you and count on the professionals to guide you through the healing process, and of course this forum to express your feelings because we are feeling the same way and were victimized in the same manner. I still have my best and dearest friend but she thinks I have put it all behind me and have moved on 100%. When I opened my eyes in the morning he would be on my mind, before I shut them at night he would be on my mind, its not as bad now and you will get better too with the compulsive excessive thoughts trying to sort it all out. He also left me another little gift, paranoia and self blame thinking somehow I failed the relationship, ya right because I wouldnt have an orgy with him? Because I was NORMAL for not wanting to watching someone I love screw another person in front of me? This was MY fault? Think again. You will sort everything out, our stories are all different and each pathological has their own sick thing they are into they use us for many different reasons but we are all just objects to them to use, betray and discard in the end. Pathological partners dont have GF's either they have girl objects they are no friend to anybody so remove the word friend. Unless you enjoy and get a kick out of hurting others and deceiving and betraying you are not a narcissist. They left us also being compulsive they brainwashed us with so much garbage we now have to clean house in our minds and get rid of all that trash they fed us. It happens slowly one day you realize, hey I havent thought about him all morning or hey he hasnt been on my mind ALL DAY I am making some progress here. Its no fun cleaning our minds out but throw away ANYTHING that has to do with self blame, you did nothing wrong but love someone that was highly disturbed and how would you have known that.

#18 Feb 18 - 11AM (Reply to #7)

Piscesdream

Thank you for the advice!

#19 Feb 18 - 12AM (Reply to #3)

Barbara (not verified)

no easy way

breaking up from a normal and breaking it off from a PATHOLOGICAL MAN are very different... it's obvious you haven't read through the Message Board here, or the WHOLE blog... or the WELCOME messages to others. http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2010/02/12/why-cant-i-get-over-him You probably have trauma and/or PTSD... this will take 18 months for you to get over and deprogram from what he's done to your mind (pathologicals actually change the chemical balance of our minds AND bodies)... you heard right - 18 Months. Are you journaling every day? all your feelings? Have you BOTHERED reading and scrolling around ALL the pages of the Message board to see how COMMON what you're feeling is? And reading the responses before you post... PLEASE READ THESE THOROUGHLY BEFORE YOU HIT REPLY: http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/03/20/cognitive-dissonance-obsessional-thoughts http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/03/20/cognitive-dissonance-obsessional-thoughts#comment-9315 http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/08/15/recovery-healing-takes-patience-lot-patience http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/07/02/when-your-friends-family-dont-get-it-about-narcissist http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/04/19/why-some-people-cant-just-move-or-get-over-it http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2010/02/06/are-you-emotionally-dependent http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2010/02/02/what-trauma-does-people http://www.members.westnet.com.au/prohealth/escape.htm There is no easy path, quick way or magic bullet here. ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

#20 Feb 18 - 12AM (Reply to #4)

Piscesdream

I haven't read through

I haven't read through everything (there is so much on here), but I've read through a lot of it. It just helps to be able to talk about it with someone/a board. It makes me feel like I'm actually healing when I talk about it. I know I've annoyed my friends and parents too much.

#21 Feb 18 - 12AM (Reply to #5)

Barbara (not verified)

journaling

are you journaling daily? taking your journal to therapy with you? ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

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